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Fires Are Burning

By sara

03 July 2005

Tender smiles across the bar
Embarrassment and fear
Lingering looks from sultry eyes
                                                     This is when the passions rise

Idle chat with trembling voices
Imaginations running wild
This is their very first meeting
                                                     And already emotions are overheating

Proverbial cups of coffee
Gazing and awkward silences
Body language telling hidden codes
                                                     Just before it all explodes

Clothes lead to the bedroom
Sheets lie on the floor
Feelings violently churning
                                                     Now the fires are burning

Reviews

novel
Written by kevinrobson73 (371 comments posted) 3rd July 2005

liked the layout and tjhe theme
well done

A bit cutesy?
Written by Flippy_D (14 comments posted) 4th July 2005

Seemed unimaginative to me... I don't think you've focused enough on how the people themselves feel. It's meant to be passionate, right? To me it just seems a little flat. There are details you can use to remedy this.

It's not bad; I've seen some godawful love poems, but this could do with a little work and some more originality.

Thanks Flippy D
Written by sara (29 comments posted) 4th July 2005

Thanks for comments. I thought I said quite a bit about how the people are feeling eg. "embarrassment and fear", "trembling voices", "awkward" and "feelings violently churning" obviously you thought it needs more.
It's not a love poem, it's a lust poem that kind of one night stand feeling.

Thanks for your input

Tantalising
Written by Espiral (44 comments posted) 26th April 2006

I've never seen a one night stand type of guy smile tenderly across the bar, it's usually more of a leer but maybe you've been lucky!

Focussing on the content, to me this sounds not like a one night stand but more like a first night together between two people who know each other already, as if there has been anticipation building for a while. Perhaps that's why it feels a bit like a love poem.

I like the last line, it leaves a tantalising '...' effect...

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