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The Unimportance of Stars |
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By Rose
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21 March 2007 |
It’s funny how when you imagine romance, the real thing is so far from the fantasy, but it’s everything you want. It’s odd how I should have been immersed in what he was saying, but all I could think about was the hard and smooth pebbles beneath me, the sound of water meeting stone. He was waiting for me to reply, but my thoughts seemed to be entangling themselves with the seaweed that was drifting past, I felt myself softly floating away with it. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the fact I loved him more than I could even admit to myself, but I knew this late summer evening was creeping into my soul, and would lodge itself there until I was ready to let him go. The damp pebbles met with the bare skin on my back as I lay down. I looked at the stars, but they seemed so unimportant because as I looked to my side I saw him. I licked my lips and could taste the salty air on my tongue. He laughed and I wanted to cry. His voice teased me with its indifference, and I could feel my fingers aching from the love that was coursing through my veins. I knew he didn’t love me the way I loved him, but at that moment, lying next to him on the beach, with a bottle of wine in my hand, was the best time of my life. |
Written by alamo (32 comments posted) 21st March 2007 | A good first post.
The sea and beach images were good, the way they combined with her thoughts, like "entangling themselves with the seaweed drifting past." Also liked the idea of memories of the evening staying with her "until I was ready to let him go."
The idea of him being important to her was well phrased.
Must confess some of this eluded me, but I'm sure that's much more a comment on my male ignorance of things like emotions.
Like the fingers aching with love.
All in all, I think this is a nice romantic piece that captures a bittersweet moment well.
Looking forward to reading more. |
Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 21st March 2007 | | Sadly sweet description of one sided love. Simply put and well done. |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 | Simple and sweet. An enjoyable and descriptive short piece. With a few tweaks it could almost be poetic. I was enticed to read this because of the title. I'm terrible at titles but this one was great. That's an art in itself!
The finger aching part was all i wasn't 100% sure about. I am guessing you meant to show that she loved him to the tips of her fingers? But somehow it didn't sound quite right to me.
Otherwise, a lovely piece  |
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 | A nicely written, succinct piece with a lot of nice imagery. Well done.
~Claire |
Written by NeilTollfree (51 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 | Beautiful piece. Well done. as above, the thoughts/seaweed (metaphor? similie? Whatever.) is a great image.
Wish I could write as soulfully as this. |
Written by candyfluff85 (16 comments posted) 23rd March 2007 | | lovey imagery, so much potential to be a larger piece, i look forward to reading more!! |
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