Chapter 13

For a moment, there was a stunned silence after Donna had spoken.  She looked at the floor, quite unable to think of what to say next.  She put her arms around his neck, and held him close to her.

“I’m sorry!” she said, her voice soft.  “But I really don’t know what else to say!  I’ve tried everything to make you see sense, but it hasn’t worked – you still insist on torturing yourself!  Well, I can’t bear to watch it any longer!”

She stepped back from him, and gently trailed her hand down his cheek, feeling her heart slowly breaking, at the totally lost and defeated expression on his face.  He did not say a word, but just walked past her and went upstairs.  He peeped round the door of Rosie’s bedroom, and watched her for a couple of minutes as she slept peacefully, then retired to his and Donna’s room, trying in vain to fall asleep.

In the meantime, Donna sat alone downstairs, wondering what on earth had gone wrong.  Her eyes strayed to their wedding photo, proudly displayed on the wall, along with portraits of Rosie.  How blissfully happy they looked there, gazing at each other, a gaze full of love and hope for the future.  They had had so many dreams, and a lifetime to live them, now it seemed it was all falling apart around them – all because of one chance meeting.  Sighing heavily, she made her way upstairs, and got into bed.  She drifted off into a troubled sleep, knowing that, all too soon, it would be morning, and it would all start over again.

As the sun’s rays shone through the curtains, and she heard Rosie chattering away to herself, she knew it was time to get up.  Despite the fact that she would have liked to sleep for another week, she forced herself out of bed, and went into Rosie’s room, plastering on a smile – it was a good job she had her, she thought, otherwise she would go insane.

“Where’s daddy?” said Rosie, as they sat together at the breakfast table.

“Daddy’s still asleep!” replied Donna, starting on her second cup of coffee, in an attempt to keep her eyes open.  “It’s all right for some!”

“No, he isn’t!” said a voice from the doorway.

“Daddy!” she said, holding out her arms to him.  “Kiss, daddy!”

“In a minute, Rosie” he said, switching on the kettle, and turning his back on her as he waited for it to boil.  “I just want to make myself a cup of coffee!”

“Are you feeling all right, love?” said Donna, looking up from her newspaper.

“No, I feel like sh….   “

“Please, Jon!” remonstrated Donna.  “Not in front of Rosie!  You know how easily she picks things up!”

“Only too well!” he said, silently recalling the time when Rosie had said – at the top of her voice in the middle of Tesco’s – ‘oh bugger it!’, when she had dropped her doll on the floor.

“Come and sit down before you fall down!” said Donna, a look of concern crossing her face – he really did look pale and ill this morning.  Before, he had just looked tired, but now he was beginning to look ill.  Perhaps he was going down with something.

“I think I’ll take this in the living room!” he said, picking up his cup of coffee.

He had only just got through the doorway, when he suddenly began to feel incredibly faint.  He could feel the sweat standing on his forehead, and flickering lights danced in front of his eyes.

“Donna!” he said, unable to hide the panic in his voice.  “I’m going to pass out….”

“Oh no, you don’t!” she said, leaping up from her chair, and rushing to his side.  She grabbed his arm, and steered him towards the sofa, ordering him to lie down.  He lay there with his eyes closed, his hand pressed against his forehead.  Donna sat there with him for a moment, as he held on to her hand as if his life depended on it.  Suddenly realising she had left Rosie unattended in her chair, she went back into the kitchen, and brought her into the living room, where she placed her gently on the floor, where she sat there looking very bemused.

“Daddy poorly?” she said, looking most concerned.

“No” said Donna, trying not to worry her.  “Daddy isn’t poorly, he’s just tired, that’s all!"

Before she could say any more, there was a gentle knock on the back door, they heard it opening, and a voice saying:

“Morning!  Anyone home?”

“Come in, Eileen!” called Donna, from where she sat on the edge of the sofa.  She glanced at Jon, who still lay there unmoving, his eyes closed.  He looked so pale, she thought, what the hell was going on?

“I was just wondering” began Eileen “I’ve completely run out of teabags, and wondered if ……   what’s the matter?  What’s happened?”

“Have you got all day, Eileen?” said Donna, her eyes filling with tears.  “Or do you want the shortened version?  I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

“I am here you know!” said a quiet voice from the depths of a cushion.  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me either!”

“Do you want to talk about it?” said Eileen, sitting down in an armchair with Rosie on her lap.  “It might help!”

“It hasn’t so far!” said Donna, fighting back tears.  “Okay, as they said in the ‘Sound of Music’, I’ll start at the very beginning….”

She explained as briefly as she could about his chance meeting with Emily, and what had happened since then.  Eileen looked most concerned.

“Well” she said, placing Rosie on the floor, as she struggled to get down.  “I think the first thing you should do is call a doctor.  He can’t go on like this!”

“I don’t need a doctor!” he protested, trying to sit up.  “I’m all right, I don’t know what came over me!  Please, don’t call the doctor! Please…”

Donna silenced him with a gentle kiss, then, turning to Eileen, she said:

“I think you’re right, this has been going on for far too long, now!  I’ve got to do something! The only thing is, how do I talk to a doctor in front of Rosie…..”

“Don’t worry about Rosie” said Eileen, putting a gentle hand on Donna’s shoulder.  “I’ll take her with me, then you can concentrate properly!  She’ll be fine with me!”

She turned to Rosie, who sat there on the floor playing with her dolls.

”Rosie!” she said.  “Do you want to come and look at the flowers in my garden?”

“Yes, please!” said Rosie, standing up and holding out her arms.

Eileen’s garden was the talk of the street; it was full of every flower imaginable, and was a blaze of glorious colour all year round.  Everyone who saw it admired it – little did they know all the hard work that went into it!

As the doorbell rang, Donna got up to answer it, and showed the doctor in.
 

“I’m sorry to bother you, doctor” she said  “but I’m really worried about him!”

“It’s no bother!” said the doctor, smiling.  “this is what I’m here for!  Don’t worry, Donna!  I’ll get to the bottom of it!”

The doctor was on first name terms with most of her patients – it was what Donna liked about her, she treated her patients as people, rather than numbers.

She put her bag down on the floor, and sat down next to Jon, who did not even acknowledge the fact that she was there.  He would not even look at her.  She took his hand in hers, he pulled it away.

“Leave me alone!” he snapped, glaring at her. “I didn’t ask you to come!”

“No!” said the doctor, gently.  “but Donna did!  She’s worried about you, my dear!  People don’t just pass out at the drop of a hat – there has to be a reason for it!”

“I’m fine!” he insisted, still refusing to look at her. 

She glanced up at Donna – her face reflecting her fears.  The doctor tried again, her voice still gentle and patient.  She took hold of his hand again, holding on to it firmly.

“Come on, Jon!” she said, softly.  “Talk to me!  I can see you’re hurting!  Come on, tell me!  What’s wrong?”

“Everything's wrong!  Everything....  oh, God!"
 

He broke down completely, sobbing uncontrollably.  He could not get a single word out.  The doctor sat there patiently, waiting for him to regain his self control.  She knew there was no point in rushing him, that would get her precisely nowhere.  Eventually, he managed to calm down enough to talk rationally to the doctor about what was going on.  She sat there listening, making no comment until he had finished speaking, then she said:

“Do these people know the effect this is having on you? Have you tried telling them?”

“No” said Donna, as she sat on the arm of the sofa, gently running her fingers through his hair.  “I didn’t think it would make any difference!  They seem so hard hearted!”

“If it’s having this effect on you..” said the doctor.  “how must the little girl be feeling?  Maybe someone should put that to them – see what they have to say about that!  Whatever you do, you can’t go on like this!  You’ll make yourself really ill!”

“I know!” he said, as the tears started again. He had never felt so low, so out of control.  “but whatever I tell myself, I can’t help the way I feel!  I’m scared – I’m so scared!”

The doctor took his hand in hers, trying desperately to swallow the lump in her throat.
 

“There’s no need to be scared!” she said, her voice soft.  “You’ve got plenty of people around you who love you, and want to help!  You’re not alone – you’ve got Donna, for a start!  There’s little Rosie – she’s something to hold on to!  Talk to Emily’s parents – maybe if they can see what’s happening, you can come to some kind of compromise!  There’s no miracle cure I can give you for this – all I can do is advise!  I hope it all works out for you, I really do!”

“Thank you, doctor!” said Donna, as she saw her to the door.  “I really appreciate you coming like this.  Thank you so much for your kindness!”

“Any time!” she said, patting her arm.  “Any time you need me – you know where I am!”

She went back into the living room, and sat down on the sofa.  She noticed that he had fallen asleep, his face still wet with tears.  Taking his hand in hers, she sat there thinking about what the doctor had said.  She would go and see Emily’s parents, try and talk some sense into them, make them realise what they were doing.  It was the last thing she wanted to do, she was a quiet person by nature, and hated confrontations, but she was prepared to do whatever it took.  She would walk across burning coals if she had to.  She felt a passion deep inside her, she loved Jon so much that no mountain was too high to climb, no river too wide to cross, she would take on the world if she had to, just to keep him by her side.