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Great Writing - Home > Comedy > M.1.5 -The Not so Secret Service
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Comedy
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| M.1.5 -The Not so Secret Service | |
| By Bottleblondesurfer | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23 March 2007 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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This was inspried by a post from Phil about M15 advertising for staff on the radio.He thougtht it might make a good subject for a comedy sketch and suggested me. Well I'm afraid he was wrong this is the best I could come up with. Next time, Phil, suggest someone else,eh. A smart young applicant waits outside a door bearing the slogan”M15 ,Caring and Sharing” A buzzer sounds and they walk in and sit down SMITH- Ah , good morning. My name is Smith. I’m sorry for the delay but I have been going over your file. We obviously have to vet M15 employees carefully and we have to know everything about you. [checks over file] So Mr Jones, why do you want to join us then? JAMES-- It’s James actually. SMITH-—Really, James is it?….,right [He hurriedly scratches out something on the form] Right ,well Mr James. JAMES- –Mrs James, it’s Mrs. SMITH- Really, are you sure? It says Mr on the form. JAMES-- Do I look like a man? SMITH- Well it’s not for me to judge, but you do look a bit effeminate I suppose. JAMES- And you didn’t think to query it. SMITH- God no, If it wasn’t for the Cambridge poofters we would have been out of business years ago .It’s all the same to me. Right well this doesn’t seem to be much use,then [he takes the folder and lobs it out of the window] JAMES- That’s my file SMITH- It’s all right there a skip under the window. We can’ t leave stuff like that lying around, you know. [Mrs James stands up to see the file outside] JAMES- I think the winds caught some of the pages. I hope it’s nothing sensitive. SMITH- Hey chill out .You’re getting a bit paranoid.. Someone will drop them back in. JAMES- Some of the pages have stuck to the wheel of a 49 bus. SMITH- Hey, we’ve got nothing to hide. All that sneaking around was so bad for morale. JAMES - I thought we were supposed to be secretive and clandestine. SMITH-. All that cold war, cloak and dagger stuff is sooooo 1990s. This is our new user friendly mission statement to show our caring side. JAMES- Oh so what would I be expected to do as an agent? I assumed it would be surveillance and covert anti-terrorist activity. SMITH- Oh yes we still do all that stuff but to improve our corporate image we now have a smart uniform. Here I’ll show you the jacket. [he goes to a cupboard and gets out jacket and puts it on] As you see it’s day-glo yellow with chevrons on the sleeve and with M15 picked out in sequins on the back….that was my touch. I got a commendation from the home secretary for that . [the phone rings while Smith is still parading in the jacket] SMITH-Could you get that for me, please. [ Mrs James is not to sure but picks it up] JAMES – What? No Sorry. I have no idea Ok I’ll pass it on. SMITH –Here, take the jacket . Who was that? JAMES-_Wrong number someone wanted a quote for a fitted kitchen SMITH- Ah yes we get a lot of those since we put our number in the phone book. JAMES- That must be really annoying for you here. SMITH- Oh no not at all; in fact I was recently MFIs salesman of the month.. JAMES-MF1? Oh I see. SMITH-Yes, people kept calling, it seemed a shame to disappoint them. I can give you a brochure and price list when you get your office. I get first dibs though. JAMES- I have to say this isn’t what I expected, I’m very disappointed with what I’ve seen. You don’t know my name or even my gender and thanks to you my details are halfway to Pimlico by now. I’m sorry but I’m not impressed. SMITH- Come on where’s the love? Where’s the trust ?This is the new M15 for the millennium. I’m sorry we don’t need dinosaurs like you anymore. [Mrs James leaves the room as the phone rings] SMITH- Yes, hello can I help .Yes we do granite worktops they come in ebony or taupe. Taps? Oh yes,we specialise in taps…….
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