It was when the ferrets knocked over the tree that I knew it would be the best Christmas.  Grandma always told Uncle Joey not to bring Slinky and Sally into her house, but it’s hard to find a good ferret-sitter these days, Uncle Joey says.  I don’t think Grandma likes Slinky and Sally very much, but I do.  I once asked Mom if we could get a ferret.  She said we’d have to get a better homeowner’s policy first.

We had left home really early on Christmas Day to drive to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Along the way, Mom realized that she forgot to bring something for dinner, so we stopped and got a frozen apple pie and some potato salad at Giant Eagle, plus cling-wrap and a plastic bowl.  Dad had to drive the rest of the way so Mom could take all the potato salad out of the container and put it in the bowl and cover it with cling-wrap.  Then she took the pie out of its box and started repinching the crust.  “So it doesn’t look too perfect,” she said.

The tree was still up when we got to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Grandma was in the kitchen making potato salad and Grandpa was in the living room yelling at the TV.  My cousin Angela was on the porch roof.  Aunt Jeanie said she wanted to talk to her boyfriend on her cell phone without being interrupted.  I don’t think I’d go to that much trouble for a boy.  It was thirty degrees outside.

Uncle Matt and Aunt Alison got there just after we did.  “Did you know Angela’s on the roof?” Uncle Matt asked Grandma, handing her a bowl of potato salad.  Grandma said it was all right as long as she didn’t kick off any slate.  Then my cousins Billy and Jimmy ran inside carrying the bags of presents from Uncle Matt’s car.  Aunt Alison told them to put them under the tree and then go play outside because they were being loud.  They weren’t really being that loud, though.  We could still hear Grandpa shouting at the weather man.

Dad and I went to put our presents under the tree in the family room.  As soon as we set them down, Slinky shot out from under the sofa and pulled off one the bows.  He took it back under the sofa and then returned for another.  Sally was on the other side of the tree working on the tissue paper in all the gift bags.  It was really amazing how quickly she could shred an entire sheet.

When the doorbell rang, I knew immediately it was Great Aunt Maria.  I could hear her loud voice all the way across the house.  “That’s never little Angela up on the roof?  My word, she’s gotten tall!”  Dad and I went back out to the kitchen where Aunt Maria had captured a rather blue-faced Uncle Joey in a tight hug.  She released him when we came in and proceeded to squeeze me and Dad as well.  “My word, you’ve gotten tall,” she said to me.  “Put this in the fridge, would you, dear?” and she handed me a bowl of potato salad.

Then the phone rang and Uncle Joey answered it.  “It’s Angela,” he said.  “She says Jimmy is tied to the oak tree on the side of the house, and she thought we should know about it.”  We all looked out the side window.  Jimmy was standing with his little arms around the giant oak tree, each wrist tied to an old piece of rope.  His face was red with cold and tears.  “Is that little Jimmy?” Aunt Maria exclaimed.  “My word, he’s gotten tall!”  Aunt Alison went outside and found Billy hiding in the bushes.  She yelled at him while Uncle Matt liberated Jimmy.  It was Thanksgiving all over again.

Mrs. Wilson came over from next door to tell us that someone was sitting on the porch roof, but we knew that already.  She also brought Grandma some potato salad left over from her own Christmas Eve dinner.  Grandma said “thank you” and asked her and Mr. Wilson if they would like to join us for dinner, but I don’t think she really meant it.  She was looking out of the corner of her eye at the small kitchen table and all of us already here.  It didn’t matter though, because then Slinky ran through the kitchen with a ribbon stuck to his head and Mrs. Wilson left quickly.

When we finally sat down to dinner, we barely fit around the table, even with leaf in.  I still had to sit at the little card table with Billy and Jimmy.  I hate sitting at the kids’ table.  I am much older than Billy and Jimmy.  I am eleven, but they are only nine and ten.  Angela got to sit with the adults, but Aunt Jeanie said she had to turn off her cell phone.  I could still see her texting under the table, though.

Angela also got to drink wine, even though she’s only seventeen.  Grandpa says everyone should learn to drink wine before they go to a bar and get themselves into trouble.  I asked if I could have some wine too, but Mom said no.  I said that Grandpa gave me wine before, but Dad said that was only funny the first time.

After dinner, we went into the family room and opened our presents.  None of them had bows, but they still looked nice.  I got some computer games and a necklace and mini lava lamp.  At least I didn’t get any clothes or books or anything useless like that.  Slinky and Sally climbed up the tree and were playing up at the top.  Sally jumped down and Slinky tried to jump down too, only he got tangled in the lights and the tree got pulled down.  It wasn’t really his fault, though.  He just made it wobble a lot and Uncle Joey tried to get Slinky out of the lights and he pulled the tree down, but Uncle Joey won’t admit it.  It was the best Christmas ever.  I can’t wait until Easter.