There's a reason I write prose. Thought I'd demonstrate my own unskills, though clearly, there is great untalent with which to compete.
O! thou hast left me
(Thou stupid pervert!)
Thou hast taken mine heart
And toss’d it in the paper shredder!
Shall I ever be able
To reassemble it again?
No! for there are too many credit card statements
Already shredded in the bin.
When I met you, methought:
“Here is a ttl hawt-e
But will he b tru?”
You’d stayed a fortnight
When, like a bat,
You flew the coop.
For weeks, I did play emo rock
I Panicked! At the Disco,
But it didn’t help me get over you
Not by a long shot—o!
But now, my antidepressants
Are selectively inhibiting
My reuptaking of serotonin
And I know that with my Prozac
I shall be whole again.
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it's
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
not often I review an intro, but I loved your term "untalent"!
You're getting nearer, but you still have some thought-structures yet to abandon  in order to achieve True wergle flompiness.
GOD this is an awful concept, how the hell did we get started on it?
Perhaps it has the effect of a poultice, drawing out the ill humours we (and, small-caps, "i" certainly) would inflict on the really and innocently awful. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
A good effort, but I would say that there are too many polysyllabic words -- 'antidepressants' for instance, which you didn't even misspell -- and you capitalized 'Prozac' and also spelled that correctly. There are some nice touches -- the use of 'mine' as a possessive and the beginning O! -- but this piece smacks of a knowledge of poetry, and we can't have that.
I fear Jane is right: the only way to do Really Bad Poetry is to not know that you're doing it wrong. Still, it's fun to try this, and as long as a lot of people are going to trash the poetry section with their efforts, we might as well have some fun. To be honest, that is what started me off in the first place. I figured, what the heck, I've got that Wergle Flomp piece to get written, so why not try it here?
My apologies to the real poets here who have to go along with this juvenile nonsense, but this is Writing for Therapy at its best. |
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
I suppose you're both right. I had to cut a number of lines when I realized they actually scanned, and I did try to change the meter too much, but language is too well-hammered into my head, I guess. The same can be said for anyone else here.
Witzl, I agree, this is definitely a fine form of writing therapy. I write and perform bad college-themed songs for fun, such as "My Love Went Abroad for Junior Year and All I Have Left Is Facebook" and "I'm Dating a Swarthmore Guy, But He's Not Dating Me."
~Claire |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
I think the use of "hast" and more importantly "thou" definitely puts you in the running. If you had put in a "Didst" we might have had a winner.
I do think Claire is on the winning track with bad country song titles. My personal favourite is "They don't make Jews like Jesus any more" Can anyone beat that?
cheers
J |
J:
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
How about "Are You Drinkin' with Me, Jesus?" or "Did I Shave My Legs for This?"
There's a whole list of these at http://bored.com/countrysongtitles/index.htm
~Claire |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
Jane, you have just mentioned my very favorite Kinky Friedman song. Bless you!
And don't forget: Drop Kick me, Jesus, through the Goalposts of Life,
Her Teeth Was Stained, but her Heart was Pure, Mama Get the Hammer, there's a Fly on Papa's Head and If I Said you had a Beautiful Body Would you Hold it against me? And there are so many more.
And they say we don't do irony. Well, who needs irony when you've got songs like that? |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
Witzl's comment clarified something here. I was already a bit in doubt: You certainly know how to write prose and you always give nice reviews. So I was wondering how to put my comment friendly. Appears I don't have to. Still though, I have seen worse 
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Fledermaus:
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
I have no idea how I'd honestly review this stuff, either. This might be one of the few times when I'd just walk away and let someone braver handle it.
~Claire |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
You mixed the language styles very well (badly) but still too much awareness of language and an avoidance of the really gauche. Made me laugh. I mean really - if you want to be really crap, cut the humour.
Quite enjoying these. Interesting that some resemble serious posts from would be serious poets.
Phil. |
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
"some resemble serious posts from would be serious poets."
Those, I'd say, would be the winners of a wergle flompetition. |
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