oh God, I have succumbed to wergle flomping. I hope I have got it out of my system now.
I tread the tight rope
Panting with all my might
This load of emtion I carry
Is a terrible weight
Your on the other side
Of this great divide.
Pray Hear me! Take my hand
Lest I fall into the abyss.
Lead me to the promissed land.
Yearning,
I bear to you my heavy load
My backpack of hearts true dreams
Piled high
Unto the sky
With christmas moonbeams
|
Winner !!
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 26th March 2007 |
By several furlongs.
You got the whole gamut encapsulated in this :
Abstracts, angst , short choppy lines , strained rhymes , misspellings , garbled thinking , some inversions .
Have not seen much of such exclamations as Alas! and Oh woe ! but they could well be around in stuff i have been avoiding lately .
It is so good in the genre that it did not raise a laugh in me -- but it does have my objective appreciation .
Do be careful , this tightrope is greased !
patterjack |
alas
Written by fellpony (1724 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
| I could - I am sure - delete the exclamations and still have something truly awful here. |
Enough, already
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
I think you should leave the exclamation marks and delete all the words before and after them.It's all too weird,for me. When I first ventured into the poetry forum I found myself reading lots verse that was unintentionally bad now I'm reading stuff that is intentionally bad. The thing is it's still well..... how to put this...bad,it's still bad or am I missing something here? Were all writing and reviewing bad verse.This sort of thing is usually done on Late Night Review with Tom Paulin,possibly the worst poet on the planet.
OK you win
J |
Written by fellpony (1724 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
I know, it's a terrible idea, but strangely seductive. The thought behind this wergle flomp was a picture I saw in the local framing shop of an ugly little man with a rapt expression, pushing a wheelbarrow heaped high with tinselly hearts across a tightrope over a chasm. (oops, another word I should have got into this flomp). It was a funny and rather touching picture, and I knew I'd use it, but it wasn't ever going to make a Real Poem.
I promise, no more wergle flomps from me. I'm going back to work on String of Horses now. |
Phew
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
enough is indeed enough -- strongly in accordance with BBS
No more from me either
Hint to all !!!!!!
patterjack |
To Fellpony
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
You've lit my imagination all right! You on a tightrope, and all emotional with it, puffing and panting. My advice is: "Don't look down". Then look at all the weight you're carrying with you! Oh no - don't tell me any more. Back to the horses - much safer!
PS You're; promised. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
Josie, I think the misspellings were deliberate!
Best/worst by a country mile Sue. You echo some of the worst so well here. Careful the wind doesn't change!
Phil |
spelins
Written by fellpony (1724 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
cheers Josie, there was EMTION as well, which was an accidental typo, but I left it in, seeing that so many typos do make it through the sluice gates  Yes the mis-spellings were deliberate, and so were the awful changes of metre and appallingly forced rhymes.
Luckily, Phil, IT'S NOT WINDY TODAY, so my writing should not be affected tomorrow.
PS my school nickname was dictionary.
|
spelins 2
Written by fellpony (1724 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
hearts' and Christmas of course would be two more, and I'm not even going to start on the missing punctuation marks.  |
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