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By Sir_Nigel
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27 March 2007 |
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I got stuck behind a slow Volvo estate this morning. So what? you might say – it happens. But it wasn’t the fact that snails and even glaciers were overtaking us that made my blood boil - it was the large sticker in the back window - possibly the most smug and infuriating car sticker ever invented: Caution - Show Dogs in Transit it warned me. Oh yeah? So your precious pooches aren't merely ‘In the Back’, they are ‘In Transit’ - transported on silk cushions and wafted with fronds by Polynesian maidens no doubt on their way from one preening and pampering session to the next. Travelling in stately style like the Grand Wazir of old Algiers on his way to wed the great Kharzi of Kalabar's only daughter Fatima.
Naturally I eased off the gas and concentrated extra hard on not killing their dogs. It was a valuable warning to me - much of my time on the roads is spent transporting my children - mere humans I’m afraid, not treasured dogs - so naturally I speed, jump red lights, overtake on bends and force other drivers off the road into ditches in an effort to get to my destination. Anything goes I can tell you but, dearie me, if those people have Show Dogs in their car I can't carry on like that. What if I was to harm their special dogs?
One day, if I ever achieve my ambition of becoming an eccentric and batty millionaire, I plan to roam the streets in a battered old specially-adapted Land Rover hunting down anyone who proclaims that their show dogs are currently in transit. Then I'll RAM them repeatedly in a fit of un-hinged but totally pre-meditated road rage, until they beg for mercy - pleadingly pointing at their pathetic car sticker. 'Oh please, it doesn't matter about us, but look - Show Dogs.' Then I'll drag them to the scene of a spectacularly gory road accident and say; 'There! - that's why you should be careful! - NOT YOUR SODDING OVER-PAMPERED MUTTS!, OK?!'
That'll tell ‘em.
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Written by Happy_Malamute (2 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | | Just for you, I'm putting a; Caution - Show Dogs in Transit sign on the back of my car whenever I have them with me. |
Written by Sir_Nigel (38 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | | Fine but be warned - you may incur my wrath. On your head be it. |
Written by Snodlander (507 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | | I'm putting one on the back of my bike |
Written by Anyanka (33 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | | I should stick a 'Dogs in Transit' sign on my dogs. Just in case somebody misses the point. | Role reversal
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |  There are certain Volvo owners I know whose dogs are probably more intelligent and capable drivers than their owners are ........   |
Written by Lizzy (822 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | Very good.
I loved the bit 'wafted with fronds...'
I hate those car stickers whatever they declare.
I'm thinking of putting a label on my back, 'Distracted artist in transit.' |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3438 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | Well I'm putting a sign in the back of my van "Transit in transit" [ someone had to say it]
It's always best to get these things out, and you did it very entertainingly. Rest assured you have made your point with just the right amount of venom and humour.I actually know someone who breeds Tibbies and you are not far off with the silk cushions and stuff.
cheers.
J |
Written by Livinginanattic (465 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | | A good rant, enjoyed. When I see the 'baby on board' signs I often wonder if the baby is actually in the car at the time. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | We really do need a rant and essay section. Just think of all the people who might want to contribute pieces like this but don't dare for the lack of a proper place for them.
I hate those bumper stickers too -- all of them. Even 'Small People on Board' and 'Babies on Board.' Okay, we all love and want to protect children, but those bumper sticker seem to suggest that you can drive like a fiend until you see a car telling you about it younger occupants, then you slow right down. Why not 'Tired 66-year-old accountant on Board?' or 'Exhausted 45-year-old housewife and life support system for teenagers on board?'
I think the people with the dogs are trying to cock a snook to parents of children -- 'See? We've got dependants too, we know what it's like?'
Funny rave. Come back and rave some more -- and review our raves too! |
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 27th March 2007 | I smiled and nodded all the way through this. We really should have a rants section. They're too good to be excluded.
~Claire |
Written by Phil (6832 comments posted) 28th March 2007 | A perfectly balanced rave (?!) with just the right amount of indignation and ire. You do this sort of thing very well.
Phil. |
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