News has just reached the West that another celebrity has failed to reach the

summit of Everest. Nothing remarkable in that you might think, except that this

particular effort was attempted entirely without the aid of a film crew.

       Absolutely no one was on hand to witness the event  as Brian Blessed,

Shakespearean thespian and sometime Z car copper, acted his way up the mountain

whilst struggling against  sub-zero temperatures and a total lack of any sort of

audience. 

      `As you all know dear boy!`  Mr Blessed roared over a dodgy satellite link from

the base of  the great mountain, `It has always been my ambition to scale Everest

before I loose my voice completely.` 

 Mr Blessed went on to say that his family had been right behind him in his latest

attempt. `It was my dear wife who first muted the idea that I should have another

go. I must say I hesitated because I  had just been offered this wonderful part in The
Taming Of The Shrew alongside the gorgeous Dame Judith. What an actress! Such

poise, such timing, a sheer joy...but no, my wife said I must go..so I packed a bag

and here I am dear boy. Terribly disappointed I didn`t make it of course but you

know what they say, every dog has his day and I`m sure that given continuing good

health and the backing of my wonderful family I will, as that Mr Swartzeneger says, be
back. 

     When our reporter finally managed  to ask how he had come to do the climb

without a film crew in attendance, Mr Blessed became uncharacteristically reticent. All

he would say was that at the time of his climb no film crews were available.

     In a final twist to the story however, we can reveal that there were in fact several

film crews available at the time of Mr Blessed`s attempt, but when they were

approached about sponsorship they all said they thought the public were thoroughly

pissed off with watching an unfit, overweight, loud-mouthed bore, wheezing and

pontificating his way up the world`s highest mountain.