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The Quality Of Unholiness. |
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By amoryblaine
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29 March 2007 |
Worked on an earlier piece...A snapshot... Slavery..'Heart of Darkness'..n the outrageous reasons they gave to support it.Mean to offend nobody. Skin and bones lumber up mountains
To chop wood for beams
For whips that make love to their backs
And give birth to a scream
Picture perfect
Human barcodes.
Having been taught,they become better
Leaving their Gods behind
For two pieces of wood nailed together
'Tis better for all Mankind
Never fighting
To Fate resigned.
To illuminate,to educate dark minds
That is reason enough
See now,they eat his flesh and drink his blood
There is no need for us to scuff.
Holiness(?)overflowing
They smirk. |
Written by Anyanka (33 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | Not bad. The irony of educating dark minds to 'eat his flesh and drink his blood' is well observed.
A few technical quibbles: To chop wood for beams/ For whips etc - Beams for whips? Wood for whips? I associate whips with leather. Shame, because the connection of 'lumber' and 'wood' is clever.
'Tis better for all Mankind - 'tis is archaic. If you use barcodes you've left the 19th century and are allowed to say it's.
There is no need for us to scuff
Do you mean scoff? You get scuff-marks on your shoes. I don't particularly like scoff either in this context, though.
Lose the quotation marks round 'dark' minds. |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th March 2007 |
"They gave dark minds the Christian faith
Yet I fear this was in vain,
For now they choose to read the Koran
And put semtex on our trains." |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | "We learnt to speak, and left the trees,
Thus homo sapien rules the beast.
But what if men behave like beasts,
Must they be tamed with whip and leash?"
| Anyanka
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | | ..by"beams for whips"i meant the handles of the whips.They are made of wood ,right?..and by "scuff"i meant to shuffle or shift the feet in embarresment.Thanx for ur comments though..'Tis (hehe)appreciated. |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | Quite liked this AB, particularly:
...educate dark minds....they eat his flesh and drink his blood.
I wonder how the early missionaries got around that one when they went to work with tribes that liked to eat their enemies.
Interesting piece.
Phil. | pretty good!
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | Well done Amory.
Anyanka - handles of whips are called "stocks", or occasionally "shafts" but you're right, they're not "beams." (PM me, anyone who wants an explanation of why I know.  )
However, AB, I actually liked this piece quite a lot (don't faint). I too found the education to "eat his flesh and drink his blood" very ironic.
Personally I would lose the last 3 lines; you've made your point well - don't dilute it.
PS apparently my family owned a plantation in Jamaica back at the start of the 18th C, but as I only found out a month or two ago via my brother's genealogical research, I find I can't feel either offended or guilty on reading a poem about slavery. | Fellpony,Phil
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | | Fellpony,Phil
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 29th March 2007 | | I'm a believer now!!!!!!!!Am crying like a baby....a happy one ofcourse.Thanx |
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