A major behind-the-scenes crisis erupted at ABC TV last week when, with just two hours to the live screening of their hit show `Dancing with the Stars` Heather Mills reported that her false leg had been stolen from her hotel bedroom.
      `I had just popped into the shower to cool down after dashing off another letter about Paul to the British press,` Heather told a lightly perspiring ABC spokesperson. `After all I think it only fair that the public are made aware of the true facts...Anyway when I returned to the bedroom my leg, which I had laid out on the bed ready to wear, was missing. At first I  thought I might have left it in the wardrobe, so I checked but it wasn`t there. Then I noticed the door into my apartment was partially open and a set of muddy footprints leading to and from the bed.`
      At this stage Heather said she had the presence of mind to ring the hotel manager and he had all the exits to the hotel locked and guarded.( Unfortunately closed circuit TV later revealed a man wearing muddy shoes and carrying what looked like a rolled up carpet with a foot sticking out of the end, disappearing through one of the fire exit doors.)
    `I usually have a spare leg with me when I travel,` Heather told the now heavily perspiring TV executive.`But what with all the ballyhoo over Paul and the divorce stuff..well I completely forgot to pack it.`
     The problem for the TV company (and Heather of course) was to find a replacement leg with just under two hours before the show went live to over ten million viewers. Eventually a decision was made to put out an appeal during one of the station`s  commercial breaks. As a result of this they were inundated with calls but Heather decided to take up the offer of a Vietnam war veteran after he told her he hated Beatles music and he couldn`t stand Yoko Ono. Unfortunately when the leg was delivered it was found that not only was the foot three sizes bigger than Heather`s good foot, it still contained the veteran`s army issue boot.
     A hasty meeting was convened between Heather and ABC and it was eventually decided that, as Heather was not prepared to accept any one elses false leg and the boot appeared to be an integral part of the veteran`s own leg, she would have to wear a floor-length dress for each dance in the show.
     Everyone at ABC held their breath as the competition  got underway, but Heather, with her professional partner Jonathan Roberts, danced both the Mambo and Foxtrot almost flawlessly, the only hint of a problem being Heather`s slight dragging of the booted foot during the more tricky turns. The pair left the floor to rapturous applause and when the voting was announced they came fifth out of the eleven competitors.
 
     Footnote. (sorry!)  Heather`s stolen leg was recovered yesterday in a dawn raid on a seedy tenement block in downtown LA after Ramon Dias, an out-of-work hotel porter, tried to sell it on Ebay...