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Comedy
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| The Moderato Revised. | |
| By BrianRobertNeal | ||||||
| 02 April 2007 | ||||||
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You can blame Phil and CB for this unwanted revival. THE MODERATO Cast The Moderato-An evil web-mistress Bubbles-Her Hand Person The quippery- Cliffy, Philo and Brnie: The Emperor’s Script men Batty- the Emperors son, disguised as an itinerant minstrel and historian By some quirk of fate a group of Japanese peasants have been gifted bamboo solar powered Lap Top Computers. Poor innocent BBS has been lured to the Moderato by promises of untold power over men, women and hamsters. The evil Moderato wants to enmesh all in her deadly Web. The Emperor sends his son Batty, to find out what is going on. Act 1 Scene 1-Morning all. There are 2 huts. On stage left is a shabby little one in which the 3 quippers are sat paying devotions to their laptops. Stage right there is a grand hut. The Moderato is sat on a golden throne. At her feet is BBS, she is also paying devotion to her lap top in a posture resembling the tea ceremony. The quippers leave their hut and for no apparent reason start singing:- Windows, WIMP WIMP WIMP Windows WIMP WIMP WIMP We a havva We a havva Double giga bite a ram Double giga bite a ram As powerful as can be. It is so compact and Neat And at least two weeks from being obsolete. (Reprise and stop) The Moderato startled by the noise leaves her hut. She is followed by BBS. Mod. From every kind of webbing chum Obedience I expect I’m the Moderato of this forum BBS And I’m the Moderato Elect She’ll give this web (She’s only got one) To her Moderato –elect Mod My Webbing skills have been declared Particularly correct BBS But they’re nothing at all, compared With those of her Moderato elect Bow Bow To the Moderato elect All Bow Bow To the Moderato elect Enter Batty stage right. They all turn to stare at him accusingly. He sings an explanation. A wand’ring minstrel I A thing of shreds and patches Of ballad songs and snatches And dreams of days gone by. My catalogue is long Through every forum ranging With reviews ever changing I tune my supple song I tune my su-u-u-u-u- pple song Batty then looks suspiciously at the the Quippers. Who once again,sing. Quippers- Three little wits from the Quippery Bright and cheerful as we can be Full of web site glee Three little wits are we Cliffy Writing is our source of fun Philo Nobody’s safe for we care for none Brnie Life is a joke that’s just begun QPPR Three little wits are we. ALL three little wits who all unwary Come from a local quipperary Full of genius exemplerary. QPPR three little wits are we three little wits are we End of Scene 1 Act 1 Scene 2 In the hall of the SciFi King. Unbeknown to those back in Japan; disquiet was felt in the Council of the Great Moderatos about the goings on . So a clandestine meeting had been called by the SciFi king who intended to invade Japan. It would be cleaned of all references to whippets, flat caps, black puddings and so on..(Poor BBS.) The moderatos are assembled in a futuristic looking hall and are awaiting the arrival of the SciFi king. At back of which is a Gismo time transporter. Cast-The SciFi King A horde of SFFers in a variety of shapes and forms,-male chorus Other moderatos-female chorus. The King and his entourage enter and for no other reason than custom and practice, break into song. King-If you want a receipt For that popular mystery Known to the World As a Heavy Lampoon Chr- Yes, Yes , Yes , Yes King-Take all the innuendo Throughout our history And wrap them up In a sexual cocoon. Calliope-(Mod 1) steps forward and puts her case. Mod1-When I first took this moderating on, We were subbed by the BBC, And it was one to a million, In their luxurious pavilion A happy home had we. But soon we turned to despair. Cos we was kicked out of there I’d thought that writers professions With wide ranging expressions Would be eloquent everywhere Chr- A fact she’d accounted upon When she first took this moderating on, Melpomene-(Mod 2) forwards Calliope’s case. Mod 2-When I go on the web, My heart is full of dread For all kinds of crudity, Perversion and implied nudity Threaten to fill my head. And is then seconded by Polyhymnia-(Mod 3) Mod 3-I think it’s a disgrace It should be pure and chaste Not just a big lottery Which they’d rhyme with ****** And I’d have to leave in haste As they make their way to the SciFi Kings Gizmo which would allow them all to be transported back to ancient Japan, their path is blocked by Thalia-Mod 4 Mod 4 Oh is there not one webber here, Who is not on occasion lusty, Who does not in secret peer, At things that are quite smutty. Who giggles at the absurdity Of Cliffy, Bubbles and Brnie If there such a webber be Just stop these other buggers All bar Mod 4 -Not one. They then trample her down and enter the gizmo. End of Act 1 Scene 2.
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