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Poetry
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Solitary Refinement.
By amoryblaine
03 April 2007
ALONE  beside a bonfire...sad,comforting?,nice?...many different things together.

                               Simpering silence beats upon my eardrums

                               The bonfire heaves and hisses and haws and hums

                               THe night presents the mind with a vacant thought

                               "Am i a Schizoid?"

                                The dying fire begs a peg

                                Reluctantly a Single Malt with it I share

                                Rejuvenated,Resurrected;it leaps up into the air

                                And teases my lifeless being.

                                My very own sunny circus

                                Drunk but controlled-and I it's only witness

                                The soul now presents the mind with a fulfilling thought

                                "Ashes to ashes,dust to dust." 

Reviews
Waster
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
If you tossed a single malt on a bonfire you deserve to be burned at the stake yourself  
 
patterjack
when you ask
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
things like, "Am i a Schizoid?" you know your work has stopped being poetry.  
 
I thought the scenario deserved a poem, but I don't think this is it - especially if your threw your malt on the fire. 
 
You're capable of better stuff though, so why not rework it?
fellpony
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
"Am i a Schinoid?"..the line was put in deliberately,and yes i did think about it, anticipating a response quite like yours.I put it there as a foil,as an abrupt stop to the normal flow of things..be it poetry or life or the events by which our man finds himself ALONE beside the bonfire.Its meant to jar,to create discomfort...anyway thanx for reviewing it.
fellpony
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 3rd April 2007

Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
and it is a "vacant thought"...undeserving of much thought!Just one of any fleeting questions raised in a drunk's mind.

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
This has (for me) much promise. Like the scenario, like Sue, disliked the question. If you simply take it out, it works better. Worth some attention over and above this. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
You can justify almost anything if you put your mind to it...but 'am i a schizoid?' sticks out in the all the wrong ways. if you wanted to jar the reader and stop the flow that's fine but there are subtler, more powerful ways of doing that. For me - idea good, execution not good. 
 
I have to say I'm not keen on this business of messing around with syntax to force the rhymes in. not sure this piece really need rhyme at all. worth looking at again i reckon. 
 
E
ALL
Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 3rd April 2007

Written by amoryblaine (40 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
Thanks for the comments...will try n rework it.

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