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Poetry
Remember
By Talisker
03 April 2007
Remember we danced

a strange bathroom waltz

You, grasping

me, in raptures, holding

Then release

in all directions

anointing tiles

We laughed

Life was new

 

Remember we jogged

the dawn park

You jiggled

we giggled

cold hands

warm cheeks

Behind a tree

alive, aglow

Love was free

 

Remember I cried

hot frustrated tears

you sleeping

me in agony, yearning

Then eventually

sleep rescued

Another chance

of rapture gone

Love had died

 

Oli  03/04/07

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
Effective contrast in the joy, freedom and love of the first two and the disinterest and frustration of the last. This read very well for me. The short lines slowed me down and consider each line a little more. 
 
As ever Oli, very good stuff. 
 
Fictional, I hope. 
 
Phil. 
 
Buggerit
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
Why don't I proof read? 
 
The short lines slowed me down and ALLOWED ME TO consider each line a little more.  

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd April 2007
I also liked this. Jump the other way to Phil on the short lines but I guess that's neither here nor there. particularly liked the first stanza 
 
E
lovely and simple
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 4th April 2007
Are the extra line breaks really necessary? Perhaps its just my pedantic Virgoan mind [call me a hippy if you will] but it's even easier to read when it's all in one block... 
 
anyhoob, love the poem oli, nice work

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