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Poetry
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I know you can not come over.
By Zuma
13 April 2007
With my computer messed up and my face hot with tears I write.
My house is hollow and you can not make it.
Yesterday I felt so alive. Today…right now….. I feel like dying.
Yet all I can do is stay here alone and keep crying.
I know you can’t come, and I know it’s from my own reason
but I need something, you, yes just for a second.
Hold me tight and call me yours just for a second.

I called for you and you aren’t there
I have a heart beat like some one racing down a flight of stairs.
And with nothing in my hand but the pen and paper that stands, I need you with me.But just for a second and then yes you can leave.
Do as you please ...but now
Come and hold me... Call me yours.
Love me until tomorrow but
..I know...Yeah... Just for a second.


I image you standing on my porch ringing that button and you yelling out.
But my “door bell” is silent .
And there is no one here but me and my self.
So I speak out loud to the voices of nothing and all I ask...Just for a second …For you here.
With me.
Speak to me.
Hold me.
Just for a moment

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1724 comments posted) 13th April 2007
oh you poor thing. Wring out the hanky and have a good sniff. Then go and make yourself a cup of cocoa and watch something like "Much Ado About Nothing". Better still, read it. Next thing you know he (she?) will be knocking at the door demanding to know why you haven't called ... 
 
oh yes the poem 
 
hm, a bit confused and a bit long? It might not be the emotion you'd want to recollect in tranquillity in a year or two's time- but it does get your despondent mood on paper pretty well.

Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 15th April 2007
I love this kind of stuff, writing and reading, especially like this when it's so easy to empathise with! Your stream of consciousness style is easy to read despite the irregular line lengths, and I like the repetition of 'Just for a second' - and the change to 'moment' at the end makes sure you don't overdo it. 
 
Some parts aren't so strong; 'I feel like dying' for example. Bit of a cliche, sure you could find something better. I don't quite get where 'that stands' came from - you don't really need to push rhyming in there, it works fine on its own. Also, 'I called for you and you aren't there' - tenses. 
 
good stuff, just keep picking over it and making improvements :)  
 
clo

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