This is in the way of an appeal to get Coosh to take time off from breeding cats and re-instate Macademia 5. There are few enough comedy posts and we can't affort to lose them like this.
I shall keep this here till it re-appears
[ Coosh takes a seat opposite Ali and Nurridin. He has a [ clipboard and consults it]
COOSH- I’ve got you here for another brainstorm session. So are you guys ready for another hilarious episode of two psychotic but essentially loveable Uzbeck immigrants?
ALI- You spelt Uzbek wrong bullock brain
COOSH- No I’m afraid you’re wrong, there. We say bollock brain.
NURRIDIN- How can bollock have brain? You know what bullock is? We really must get new scriptwriter
ALI- Yes, you promised we get famous. We have much money and squelchy sex with Jordan.
COOSH- Later. Later. We need to come up with some really funny stuff.
ALI- What was wrong with last one. We take piss out of therapy, just like Ben Elton.
[ Coosh hides behind his clipboard to play for time]
COOSH- No, no it was fine. I thought you guys did a grand job, really.
NURRIDIN- So why you take it off. How can we become comedy icons if no-body can read about us?
ALI- Yeah big waste of time. We say crazy, zany things in exaggerated funny accents and then you take fucking thing off site. How people get to see how unconsciously funny we are
NURIDDIN- Damn right. We learn new western tradition. We go on strike.
ALI- Yeah, no money, no Jordan; not even quick hand-job from Jade Goody. We go on strike.
COOSH- Hey! I could go down to any transport café and pick up a couple more immigrants as they hopped off the lorries. I’ve heard the Tunisians do a nice line in dramatic irony.
NURIDDIN- Ok, ok we call strike off, if you put back old sketch. Deal?
COOSH- Well to tell you the truth I didn’t think it was that funny.
ALI- Hey it’s only an amateur writing site, not bloody Catherine Tate show. We liked it.
COOSH- All right Ok I’ll put it back, I promise now can we get on.
NURIDDIN- Any chance of Jordan’ s phone number?
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 13th April 2007 |
Yes! I'm the first person to review this! Not only did it cheer me up and make me laugh, but it solved a real mystery.
During the chaos and confusion of the Easter break and two sets of house guests plus two colds (his and now hers, or I should say 'mine'), I snuck a quick fifteen minutes on GW to post something. Then I did a quick blitz on my favorite sites and noticed that Coosh had posted a comedy piece. I told myself that reading it would be my treat if I managed to get all the wash hung out, clear moldy rice pilaf out of the fridge, scrape cat puke off carpet, brew tea for two tea junkie builders who are repairing our so-called conservatory, etc., etc. And when I came back, it was gone! Or had I just imagined it, I wondered? I even checked Coosh's details and it was not there.
Now I know it wasn't me and I join you, Jane, in saying BRING BACK ALI AND NURIDDIN, RIGHT NOW.
By the way, does Coosh really breed cats? If so, maybe that explains it. I spend half my time cleaning up cat puke; it doesn't bear thinking about how much time I'd waste on this if I had more than one. |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 13th April 2007 |
Blimey, I’m only out the country about eight hours so far, and I’m being heckled by a fake blonde lunatic, who has clearly had far too much time left over from shopping today. Is it half-day closing at Dolce & Gabbana Nottingham? If only I could come up with ideas as good as this… Great fun, Jane! – really enjoyed it, even if some parts were a bit spooky – I like the way you’ve left open the possibility for the inclusion of Molly Arbuckle, naked chess, and that new S&M thing they’re doing in the Cairngorms with the skewer and the raw haggis. I’ll have another butcher’s at that thing when I get back – although having now read yours, I may just chuck myself off this balcony, after the cheese course. Now please, [stern expression, arms akimbo] you must start concentrating on your “proper” writing (much as I agree with your petition to see Suicide Bombing School replace My Family).
Thanks Witzl – I’m glad to see the well-oiled grapevine has put 2 and 2 together and come up with anything but the right answer – sorry, to disappoint you (or otherwise) but I do not form part of the high-risk, debonair world of cat breeding – in fact, I’ve just managed to offload the pregnant little bugger, and with any luck, if I can avoid any more freeloading furballs for a while, I may end up a lot richer this summer. (I think red wine is good for removing traces of feline vomit).
Will catch up later. Cheers.
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Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 13th April 2007 |
Funny piece Jane. Particularly liked: not even a quick hand-job from Jade Goody. - it also made me feel slightly sick. Jade Goody - urgh.
I'd read half of Coosh's piece, got distracted by offspring, came back the next day and it had gone.
(How do you breed with a cat by the way?)
Phil. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3141 comments posted) 14th April 2007 |
Dolce and Gabbana??? This is Nottingham we're tallking about; industrial heartland. You know nothing!
For best wear I've got a couple of diamonte style clogs to go with the head scarf and matching curlers. Just recently Freeman-Hardy-Willis was firebombed for showing open toed sandles in their window. We're simple folk, here.
J |
Watto Bubbles
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 14th April 2007 |
I haven't a clue what this is all about but as it stood at 99 I just had to show willing and post a comment.
Brian. |
JANE...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 17th April 2007 |
Nice work Jane.
I still have to say that I think you are wasting your time posting on this otherwise excellent website as all your energies should be targeted towards the market. No matter. Yourself, David, Phil, Woody and Paul keep the site buzzing. God alone knows what it would do without the likes of you. It is sad to read the trash around you!! If anything this should give you the encouragenment to keep putting out ideas.
Listen to me. I am aware that rejection is a continuous feature of your endevour. Pay no heed! The rubbish you encounter here is no measure of any ideal. Pay no attention to the silly exchanges. The near total of them will never get a syllable into commercial print.
BUT.. but...You might. Just might. Put all your efforts into creating the 'Big Idea'. And then put it about.
PM me if you need me to say more.
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Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 19th April 2007 |
I thought that might spark a reaction! Bit touchy up there, are they! Fire-bombing a shoe shop, fair enough, but because they don’t like the design of a pair of fancy, hippy sandals! What are they all, irate wannabe fashion critics? What a bunch o’ jessies. What happened to getting your throat slit for looking at someone the wrong way?! Or chopping the legs off the landlord’s dog cuz ‘e won’t serve you another Guinness? Sandals! Jesus! I could almost believe it might have been true.
Mind you, as I recall, you do have the headquarters of Paul Smith – does he have to double the number of bodyguards every time he brings out a new pair of slippers?!
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