Don't Let the Door Hit Ya

It turns out that it's pretty hard to decide what
your favorite things are. Abby changed her mind three
times about which doll had the prettiest dress.
Eventually, I had to change Debbie Sue's dress to
Princess just so Abby'd shut up. 
 
The outfits were pretty easy to pick out because we
mostly didn't care. We wondered if Mama would be
willing to put three toys and two outfits each in the
bag instead of the other way around. After all, how
many clothes did a body really need? But after
talking about it a bit, we figured that Mama wasn't
in the right frame of mind to be bugging her with
details and numbers. So, we just packed another bag
with two more toys in it a piece. We weren't quite
sure what Mama had in mind but we figured that it
never hurts to have most your toys in one place close
to you. 
 
Even though us kids were still down the hall, we had
a front row seat to the break up of my parent's
marriage. Daddy did most of the talking, which meant
that we were pretty happy to stay far away from him.
But we could hear him loud and clear.
 
"What do you mean your leaving? Who would take you
and your four scraggly kids? How are you going to get
by? Your looks are sure gone. And you ain't got no
skills to speak of. The only thing your good at is
spitting out kids and there sure ain't a lot of men
looking for that. I can't believe you're just walking
out like this. Didn't I ever mean anything to you?
After all I did for you, you still leave like I'm
some common beggar boy. Well let me tell you Ms High
and Mighty, I'm the best dick your pussy will ever
fucking see. I treated you like a goddamn queen and
this is how you repay my sweet fucking kindness. You
can leave but you ain't taking nothing nice with you
that's for goddamn sure."
 
At this point in the story, comes the clothes
burning. My daddy took up a whole pile of Mama's
clothes and headed for the bathroom. He threw all of
the clothes into the old bathtub and set them on
fire. Actually, they wouldn't light with the first
cigarette he threw on them. So, this is where the
drinking comes in too.

Daddy went to the garage and got a can of paint
thinner. On his way back through the kitchen, he
grabbed a twelve pack of beer from the fridge.

Sitting on the toilet next to the tub, Daddy squirted
paint thinner on the clothes and lit them with a
match. When they were flaming up to his satisfaction,
Daddy popped open a can of beer and turned his
attention back to yelling at Mama.

"There you go, you selfish bitch. How do you like
that? You may be leaving but you ain't taking nothing
I bought with ya. A women that don't respect her
husband don't deserve nice things."
 
Even with Daddy reenacting the fiery judgment of
Sodom and Gomorrah with her clothes, Mama acted like
nothing strange was going on. She just told us kids
to get in her room with her and to stay away from the
fire. She said if Daddy wanted to meet his maker it
was all right with her but she just didn't want him
taking one of us with him. 
 
"You were always a heartless piece of pussy." Daddy
yelled from the bathroom. "I'm glad to be rid of you.
I've spent too much of my time and money on you
already. Had I known how you were going to turn out,
I would have left you where I found you. In a broken
down trailer and working nights at the Seven Eleven.
There are hundreds of girls out there plenty prettier
than you who would kill for a man with a gold credit
card. They know that those companies only give those
out to the best of people. I bet those girls will be
jumping over each other to comfort me after your
leaving me. I bet they'll say things like 'Lonny,
that women was a cold hearted bitch. A good women
would never do you like that.' I bet that's what
they'll say and they'll be right. You're heartless
and cold to everyone but those fucking kids. They got
every bit of your love from the minute you started
having them. Before they came along, we were fine as
a pair of lovebirds. My food was always hot and my
house was always clean. But here they come and
suddenly you don't give a shit for your man. The man
who pulled you from the gutter. The man who works his
goddamn heart out everyday for you and your goddamn
kids."
 
This is where the crying part happens. Us kids had
never seen Daddy cry before. So naturally, we were
curious and wanted to go in the bathroom with him. We
thought maybe we could make him feel better. But Mama
said that the fire was still burning and until it
stopped we weren't to go anywhere around it. We had
to content ourselves with yelling to him from the bed
room. We yelled comfort like 'Mama is still in the
bedroom so you don't have to worry about what to do
after she's gone'. We also told him that Mama always
said that there was nothing unmanly about crying and
that he'd feel better after he did. 
 
"What the hell have you been telling them? Every body
knows that you don't tell kids it's ok to cry. God,
then they'll be crying all the fucking time. You tell
them to be quiet and listen to what their told that's
what you tell them. I can't believe that in my own
fucking house my wife has been working against me.
You have been planning this from day one. You've been
planning to leave me. You've been planning to
disgrace me in front of God and all our friends.
Well, I'm going to tell you that I ain't gonna be
disgraced. You'd disgrace me if you stayed. I can't
believe you lied to me every fucking day we been
together. After all I did for you. After all the love
I showed you, you lie to me. And your teaching my
kids to be goddamn pussies and liars just like you.
I'm glad you're going. There's tons of women out
there to give me a fresh start and to give me the
love and respect I deserve."
 
By this point, Mama had started in on putting our
stuff in her big bag. She seemed to be staring off
into space a little bit and not paying too close of
attention to what we were giving her. I thought about
all the trouble we'd put into finding only two toys
each and she didn't even seem to notice. I wondered
if I could send Tom back to get the rest of them but
then I thought better of it because she'd probably
catch on. 
 
When she was done putting our stuff into the bag,
Mama pulled the zipper shut and slung it over her
shoulder. She took one long look around the room and
heaved a sigh. She told us to hold onto each other's 
hands and to walk real quick to the front door. It
was in that moment that I realized we were leaving. I
wondered where we were going and how long we would be
away. I wondered about Daddy and what he would do
without us. But mostly I wondered if Daddy knew what
was happening. I didn't think my sisters and brother
knew. And I didn't think that I should take the time
to tell them. So, I just grabbed Sarah's hand and the
toy bag while I headed for the door. Mama followed us
from behind. 
 
I don't think that Daddy noticed that we were going
until he heard the door click. But as soon as we got
outside, he seemed to be there too. He kept trying to
grab Mama's arm but she was good at shaking him off. 
 
"Awww, come on baby. You can't leave me like this.
What the fuck will the neighbors think? We can work
this out, you know. You can't just leave me. Where
are you gonna go? You'll be back. I'll goddamn see to 
that. No one just walks out on me. God, what more can
you expect to get from a man? Good men ain't as easy
to come by as you might fucking think. Who would take
care of all these kids, if they wasn't his? I can
replace you but you sure as hell can't replace me. If
you want to go, just go and see what it's like out in
the real world. I bet you'll be back before tomorrow
and maybe I won't take you. Maybe I'll leave you 
fucking crying on the porch with your big old bag and
snot nosed kids. I know you're just trying to hurt me
but it ain't gonna happen. I won't be hurt by a bitch
like you. You just get in the mother fucking car and
leave. But you know this, you're leaving with nothing
and you ain't ever gonna get nothing from me. You can
die in the street for all I care."
 
The whole time Daddy was yelling, Mama never once
even looked at him. She just got in the car, told us
to buckle up and turned on the ignition. Once the
doors were closed and the windows were rolled up we
couldn't quite make out the rest of what Daddy had to
say.

The last thing I remember was turning around and
looking out at him from the back window as we drove
down the street. I remember seeing him standing in
the front yard yelling. I remember wondering what he
was saying. "He must hate me for leaving", I thought.
Daddy could hate you something fierce if you made him
mad enough. "Why'd Mama have to make him mad?" I
wondered as I watched him get smaller and smaller as
the car picked up speed.