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At the Club-2
By BrianRobertNeal
14 April 2007
A little more background on the Club and Raj

At the Club-2
 

The Home and Colonial Club, (Not its real name, but I don’t want to risk a Libel action.), was the last refuge for the men who had put the “Great” into Britain. It was a Member’s Club and was run by a committee. The Club leased the building for a peppercorn rent from its shadowy owner. 
 

Between you and me, Rajah had bought the freehold just after he had made his sudden arrival in Blighty.  Raj was entranced when he saw the building. He thought it a gem and well worth a ruler’s ransom which was what he paid for it. But that’s another story.
 

Membership was up to its limit in a few months. Raj had sent out one of two sorts of letters. One said that “In recognition for your services to the Empire you have been elected to the club. Fees will be waived for the first year.”
 

The other said the “The Club Membership Secretary was sorry to have to inform you that though your name had been put up for membership you had been “blackballed”. However you could make a formal application to join the club (Form attached.) and we will sympathetically consider your case.”
 

 

 

The chaps were sat round the Club’s High Table. The normal gang, in their usual places and of course Raj was enthroned at its head. Thursday was “School Dinners’ Day”. The main course had been scraggy mutton stew with cabbage and stodgy grey mash. As they waited for afters, Raj started off on one of his monologues.
 

“Next Wednesday is the Club’s 25th Anniversary. Membership is held at a thousand and the Membership Fee is a very reasonable £1,000. Of course the fee is reduced for cases of social hardship or as recognition for services rendered in the cause of Empire.
 

We are renowned for our charitable acts, I mean during the Great One we were able to pay for a Dreadnaught. That was the late “Squiffy’s” idea; throughout his life he’d had a soft spot for sailors.
 

Yet some members have the temerity to complain. I mean the club is manned by my “Gherkins”, good chaps but bloody awful cooks. I shall have to send them on a “Kukri” class. The British Empire was built on good sound eating habits. Look at the French Johnnies, all that Gordon Blue or whatever and if it hadn’t been for us, the old Bosche would have been in Paris by Christmas.
 

Now the Bosche, I take my hat of to them, they could teach us a lesson about sensible eating. I believe that the “Wind of Change” that Bismarck yapped on about was powered by sauerkraut and that fizzy “temperance” drink they call Lager.
 

Could you imagine what England would be like if we all drank Lager. No, it’s too horrible to imagine. Nothing can beat a good cloudy warm bitter for slaking the thirst.
 

Now where was I. Oh yes complaints, I’m sorry but I can’t agree about the Fees. They’re just right and we’re not increasing them because the chap that owns the place might just put the rent up.
 

I mean if money was the only criteria we’d wind up with all those recently deposed Monarchs that come racing over here with Crown in one hand and the National Treasury in the other.”
 

He added with a delicious leer,
 

“And we mustn’t have too many of them must we?”
 

He was saved by the afters, Jam Rolly-Polly Pudding with oodles of lumpy custard. This would be seen off by Brandy, Cigars and Camp Coffee.
 

Footnote-Camp Coffee was one of the first “instant coffees”. It was a black oily liquid and sold in bottles that carried suitably martial labelling.
 

 

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 15th April 2007
Thought this added flavour to the setting, and context. 
 
Grammar point: I may be wrong, but I think that if a character speaks over more than one paragraph, each paragraph should begin with inverted commas. 
 
I wonder if this part shouldn't come first - to set the scene etc. Also - this (and the previous) has elements of script - in that there is a lot of direct speech, but written as prose. It might be easier to structure if you leaned definitely one way or the other. 
 
Enjoyed. This has lots of potential in a sort of Jeeves and Wooster style. 
 
Phil
Watto Phil
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 15th April 2007
Thanks for your time and comments. 
 
"I wonder if this part shouldn't come first - to set the scene etc. " 
 
The focal point of the tales will be Raj so part 1 establishes him and raises questions-(He was only a Rajah for 3 weeks) 
 
Part 2 then introduces the setting and raises further questions-(a ruler's ransom.) 
 
 
"Also - this (and the previous) has elements of script - in that there is a lot of direct speech, but written as prose. It might be easier to structure if you leaned definitely one way or the other." 
 
I could be precious and say this Forum is called Comedy Scripts-but it would be tongue in cheek. 
 
The style is that of a narrated piece so it fits this particular bill. 
 
"Grammar point: I may be wrong, but I think that if a character speaks over more than one paragraph, each paragraph should begin with inverted commas. " 
 
Possibly but where the narrative is interupted it is closed with inverted commas and re-opened with them. 
 
Part 3 is to be called "At the other Club".But it's still in the bubble thoughts process. 
 
Glad you enjoyed it and if it was not for you and BBS I'd get feedback. 
 
So thanks to you both, 
 
Brian. 
 
 
 
 
 
Phil-correction.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 15th April 2007
Should have said I'd get no feedback.

Written by wltshr (314 comments posted) 16th April 2007
Really enjoyed 1. Bit confused by 2. Some very nice ideas but I'd like to have seen what may have emerged had you brought the background and the meal into a script format. In this case, prose didn't seem to work as well in showing the character and type as well as script 1 did previously. (BTW the characters in No.1 were brilliantly portrayed as members of "the breed". ) 
 
Looking forward to episode 3. 
 
But, hey, what do I know? I was only born in Bishop's Stortford. 
 
Wltshr
Watto BS Boy.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 16th April 2007
You're quite right, part two lacks the drive of part 1. 
 
Glad you're liking them and thanks for your time and comments. 
 
(Being as you were born in the Big BS I've revived a piece about your town of birth.) 
 
Brian.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 16th April 2007
I thougth this worked pretty well as it is. It came across as a sort of monologue in the style of Vivian Stanshall. 
As Phil said it added colour and context but it had a style of it's own that complimented the first piece. 
I particularly liked the "school dinners day" [proving that they are really overgrown schoolboys] and I had to look up kukri- a clever play on words 
cheers 
J
Watto BBS
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 17th April 2007
"monologue in the style of Vivian Stanshall. " 
 
There's no fooling you is there? 
 
(I owe a lot to the Bonzos. They've done a 40 year anni tour and I was bought the DVD of the opening show.) 
 
If I can get to grips with it, Part three-at the other club though consistent will broaden things out again. 
 
Thanks for your time and comments. 
 
(I'm having computer troubles can access the Internet but not my compan's internal E-Mail System. And I keep getting a message telling me to lock the computer as Windows doesn't know who I am.) 
 
Brian 

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