Great Writing - Home > Poetry > First Sadness
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1702 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
First Sadness
By jamesbadok
17 April 2007
First Sadness
 

 

Little Voice felt sadness for the first time
it oozed from under the mattress
and coiled about his feet
 
It seemed to him that the world was in mourning
 
Won't someone nail my hands to the headboard, he
thought,
give me what I have earned
 
But in truth he'd done nothing
 
Nothing, just the ticking of the clock
and the yellowing of his feet

Reviews

Written by Phil (6388 comments posted) 17th April 2007
Sorry, I must have my stupid head on tonight. The last three poems I've read - including two of yours, mean little to me. I'll happily confess it could be me. However, while I know poetry is not always my strong suit, I would expect to get a little more than this. Nothing wrong with having to work a little for meaning, but to be so opaque....? 
 
Maybe other reviewers will come along and reveal my ignorance, or maybe not. 
 
Sorry. 
 
Phil.
reminded
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 17th April 2007
of the graphic novel 'The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy' but i'm not sure why. 
 
seems regretful and slightly twisted 
 
clo

Written by stevetroster (1398 comments posted) 18th April 2007
It's like 'Footy' does poetry. Love the way it reads, but have not got a clue what it is about. 
I must try some myself.
Phew.
Written by Phil (6388 comments posted) 18th April 2007
Glad it's not just me then. I was getting a little worried. I'm with Steve - even though I haven't a clue, it does read very well. I know that sounds stupid - but there you go. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 24th April 2007
It's that third section that does it I think...bit confusing. But again I liked this - worth working on the clarity a little. 
 
Elli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item