During Prime Minister’s question time today, a member of his own Party asked Tony Blair when he intended to resign.

His response was a surprise to all outside of the Party.

Prime Minister: "I intend to step down very soon. My work is almost done. I have to apologise to my colleagues in government and indeed the whole of the Party when I say that the grand plan we embarked upon is almost complete albeit 23 years later than hoped for; and 58 years after it was first conceived and published.

This delay is, as I’m sure you all recognise, primarily down to the machinations of the previous government. We are all aware that they remained fairly immovable from 1979 to 1997 and it’s taken another 10 years to repair the damage they wrought and put the country in the happy position we find ourselves in today.

Let me remind you of the strides we have made.

The UK now has the distinction of being the most CCTV’d society in the world. The cameras, as we all know, are there for the benefit of Society and to prevent crime. Our people can live safe in the knowledge that their movements are tracked whenever they venture from their homes, whether by CCTV or satellite and that their televisual habits and Internet interests are more closely watched than ever before. The innocent have nothing to fear. Let the guilty and the evildoers in our society be warned.

The growth in use among British Youth of Textspeak has reduced and simplified our language beyond all measure in the last few years and we can confidently look forward to this continuing as they grow up and have children of their own.

Our relationship with the US has grown from strength to strength. The rest of the world may look on us as the 51st state but I can tell you that our ties are stronger than that. We are in Europe but not of Europe. Our security depends on our continuing link with America and their security depends on a friend, nay a partner, on this side of the Atlantic.

Our joint awareness of the changes in society has enabled us through Hollywood to make even history easier to understand for the youth of today. Do they read? No. Who has time or interest? The growth of the Internet and cinema has allowed us to provide a history lesson to our youth in a much more palatable manner. Who can deny that films such as Braveheart, the Patriot, and U-571 have enabled our children to learn historical facts that otherwise they would have known nothing about.

The war with our historic enemy, which began with the Crusades, continues today and will continue until their eventual defeat. I would like to recognise our partners and friends in this war, our steadfast allies without whom we surely would have lost both the Great War and World War II; the mighty Russia. Having accepted the baton, the fight in Afghanistan is now our responsibility once again, leaving Russia free to concentrate on the Chechnyan front. They and the other soviet bloc counties together with their European neighbours continue to support us in our quest . Together with our allies we will drive our Islamic foe into the sea.

I care deeply about the security of our citizenry. I know that the entire country is behind me in my support for the brave men and women in our armed forces and security services. We, the Party, guarantee that our citizens may continue to sleep safely in their beds. But, war isn’t cheap! My esteemed colleague, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, has worked miracles and now raises more money through tax than in our entire history. We have not seen as many different methods of taxation in effect since we chose to suspend taxes on windows, gloves, and hats. However, as you know, during this time we, the Party, have managed to ensure that our people live in more expensive and therefore better housing, better quality foods are available, and the NHS is now in receipt of more funding than at any time in it’s history. You cannot fail to have noticed that we are also, once again, importing workers from abroad to perform our more menial jobs, at minimum wage, to the benefit of us all.

We have moved far, far away from the wicked machinations of the evil hate figure Margaret Thatcher and her mantra that there was no such thing as society. It is the duty of the Party to look after society and to take all the difficult decisions on behalf of society. Beware, my friends, Thatcher and her supporters are never far away and we must be always on our guard.

I have only one more job to finish before I can leave you knowing my task to be complete. We will once more re-brand. We have already re-branded the Home office as the Ministry of Justice, all other Ministries are to be merged into the three new super Ministries with the name changes you obviously expect, and having made the move from Labour to New Labour. We can at last make the change from New Labour to English Socialism. Or in Textspeak: IngSoc.

And so I say to you, my colleagues, that we have, at last, a New Jerusalem builded here."