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Poetry
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Mary Lost
By CliffBowes
19 April 2007
The American poet Adelaide Crapsey invented the cinquain which consists of the following syllabic pattern:-2/4/6/8/2. I have joined up four of these cinquains to make a longer poem.

 






Last night

I saw my love.

With another entwined,

On the strand by a moonbless’d sea.

So dark.


Deny

Unfaithfulness

If you must, sweet Mary.

But I beheld you with another.

So close.


Wine like

Our love was sweet,

Sweet as the ripened grapes.

The wine now turned to vinegar.

So strong.


And thus

My life goes on.

Thinking what might have been.

False hopes still feed my hungry heart.
    
So numb.    
  

Reviews
Well done!
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 19th April 2007
I am quite impressed as I can imagine how difficult this would be to write. You have done an excellent job. I quite like a good challenge like this. Yes, the title fits the poem well. You lead well into the main part of the poem and you handle the lover's thoughts well. How sad this poem is.

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 19th April 2007
Form aside, I liked this Cliff. Considering the form you chose, it's an even better achievement. Just one pick. 'So strong, although reading well, doesn't quite fit the meaning. To me, it suggests a strong bond or love - the opposite of what you mean. Perhaps sour? Sorry to interfere. 
 
Liked very much. 
 
Phil.
Mary Lost
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 20th April 2007
Mant thanks Josie, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks to you too Phil, So Strong was supposed to the vinegar's strong taste, but I get your point, sour would probably be better.

Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 20th April 2007
hi cliff, this made me feel sad. 
I love how you've compared their love that was once wine and now it's turned to vinegar...agree about the 'strong' though, i think there is the perfect word..bitter?.. no caustic?...acrid?..acid?..fierce?...oh i don't know maybe strong is the best word afterall. :grin  
 
i enjoyed this thanks.

Written by ellipinnock (1795 comments posted) 24th April 2007
Yep -liked this very much. Very poignant. Good stuff 
 
Elli

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