Dear Hilary Dizzily-Sick

My children, poor darlings, are always dreadfully ill when they travel in the back of my Handover Dispensary 4 wheel drive.  My husband says it's the way I drive but I'm sure it's something more elemental if you know what I mean?  

I've heard that an earthing strap can help.  Do any of your readers know where I can find a water diviner or dowser to point out the best position for it?

Too kind of you to help.

Hon. Meriel Appleby-Station

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Nah then, Hobnailed Terribly-Thick

Canst kindly tell t' lass i' Dangleby wi' t' neighbour wi' t' ghost in t' bedroom nut tee fret.  Ah's sin many a ghost sorted oot, specially t'backpacker soart.  Spring's cummen an' Ah reckon that, like t' sheep, it 'ull be away ter t' fell afoor se lang.  

Mek sure she knaws ter put an awd kittle an' yan o' them campin' stoves be t' door o t' coal hole afoor back-end.  That'll keep it oot o't hoose next winter an' happy wi' its cup-a-soup.  Oh aye, an' a flake o' hay ter pack its socks ivvery neet.

She can allers send t' husband oot fer t' coal, an' serve him right!

Yrs grimly

Nora Forthright

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 Dear Hilary Tickety-Tick

I am doing a research project for my Not Very Qualified Level 3 in Wild Goose Chasing.  I would like to know whether anyone in the Kirkby Stephen area has seen a boggart recently.  For those not well up in nature lore, a boggart is a cross between a badger and a fox, with the nocturnal habits of both.  

My method of stalking is to drive around after 11 pm on Fridays and Saturdays and watch for them crossing the road in my headlights.  Unfortunately they are very elusive animals and I generally find I have captured a large loose ball of greasy paper with fragments of fried potato inside.  Could you put me in touch with someone who knows a more efficient method?

Yours

Alan Eversoe-Slightly, NVQ 2 WGC