Darling Hilary Technical Delegate

It was wonderful of you to put me on to your second cousin - the dowser - who was able to point out the best place for an earthing strap on my Handover Dispensary 4 WD.  I really think now that when my darling children are home on half term from the Dangleby Preparatory School for the Sons of the Gullible, they will find their travel sickness is no more.  The fee was MOST reasonable but your cousin wanted my cheque made out just to the same initials as yours, HTD.  Isn't that funny.  

Now, darling H, as a thank-you I am sending you a CD of  group called The Bone Noses.  On hearing it you will realise what a phenomenal talent you have hidden away behind your word processor.  You could sing and play the guitar as well as they do when you had had only 2 lessons (and I happen to know you had at least 4 more!).  Just think, you could give up the day job and become a Rock Star!  

Shall we contact their recording company or find a local one?  Isn't it too exciting!

Hon. Meriel Appleby-Station

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Nah then, Hobnailed

Ah's on a pension and so are t'maist o' mi friends, an' we're nut se strang as we were.  We used ter could handle aw macks o' things, fower bales o' hay at yance, two bullocks an' their mother, six tax inspector fellers, tha knaws t'soart o' job I mean.  But nowadays wi' cash bein' tight I nobbut can practise yance a month between Dannelby an' Pullet St Mary wi' a fower steean bag o' tatties an' a sack o' Self Raisin' flour.  Mi friends are aw in t' same boat.

Now there's yon awd vicar feller tellin' us we should aw be shopliftin'.  He should be ashamed o' hisself.  How can we start that at oor time o' life?

We wadn't git t'Co-op more than knee high off t'grund these days.

Yrs sternly

Nora Forthright

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 Dear Hilary ... er ...

(Sorry, I recycled my Messenger before I had read it and I can't just recall your name.)

Thanks to contacts made through  your paper I have now had several sightings of the Pullet St Mary boggart for my NVQ Level 3 in Wild Goose Chasing.  I thought I would let you know that as a result I am widening my field of research to include the wild haggis of Upper Ewedale.  This is believed to be a subspecies of the Scottish haggis but it has only one wing and unevenly developed left and right legs to traverse the steep slopes of the area.  It can therefore be recognised by its circular motion.

The mating of these haggis has never been fully recorded and I would very much like to video their spawning rituals which are said to leave large muddy circles in fields.  If any farmers are out there with a mobile phone during lambing, never mind the OTMS, BSPS, ESAS, SSSIS, SAPS, HLCAS, IACS forms and vets' bills, could they please call AT ONCE to tell me about any sightings?  
 
Yours

Alan Eversoe-Slightly, NVQ 2 WGC