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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Three accounts of events - part 13 (a)
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Extended Work
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| Three accounts of events - part 13 (a) | |
| By teddy | ||||||||
| 22 April 2007 | ||||||||
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I’m in my studio, well the spare room George lets me use as a studio, brushing gesso over a wide stretched canvas. It’s Saturday, and George has taken Vicky over to his dad and Claire to give me time on my own so I can do some work. I went to see Max Falcon three weeks ago. I had told Claire that I was ready to go back to work and she had arranged a meeting with him. Max was delighted that I had finally decided to see him, she said. ‘I have expected to meet a very talented artist,’ he mesmerized me with his mild American accent, kissing my hand and holding the chair for me when we met on a Wednesday afternoon in a wine bar across the road from his art gallery, ‘not a beautiful woman too.’ Well, he wasn’t quite what I’d expected either. Claire had said he was in his fifties, but it looked like the passing of time had been very gentle with him. The little creases dawdling on his well tanned face were overshadowed by the cerulean blue of his eyes and larger than life smile. I warmed up to him straight away and by the end of the meal we had already had a deal: if I was happy with the paperwork I was supposed to pick up from his office and returned signed later that week, than he would be overjoyed to have my paintings displayed in his gallery. He had seen my work and loved it; it was very expressive, I had the qualities one would expect to find in a fine artist he said. I was over thrilled by his appraisal and I knew that was a chance I could not, by any means, miss. That’s why I am now working on my first assignment, which is supposed to be handed over by the end of next week. I dip the brush in the jar. I scrape it over the edge to get rid of the residue of primer. I stroke the brush over the canvas with an unflustered move of my hand. I haven’t got long left, but the task can’t be rushed. In an hour’s time I am supposed to meet Paul in the pub around the corner. To tell him that it’s all over. I feel butterflies waggling wings in my stomach when I think about it. But this is something that has to be done. I had a very weird dream last night. I was lying on a surgical chair in a hospital room. George and Paul were standing next to it, one on each side, both glaring at me. ‘Is it mine, Adi?’ ‘I don’t know, how am I supposed to know?’ I covered my face with my hands. A man wearing a light green uniform was examining my tummy. ‘Yep, you’re pregnant, miss.’ He looked pleased with his verdict. ‘And you’re just about to give birth.’ ‘No, that’s impossible,’ I mumbled. ‘I’ve only missed one period.’ ‘Oh my God, doctor, look, she’s bleeding.’ George screamed pointing at the sheet covering the chair I was lying on. I sat up and opened my legs. A large vivid red stain was rapidly taking over the whiteness of the fabric. I felt like fainting. ‘Adi, Adi.’ Someone was shaking my shoulder. ‘Adi, wake up.’ I opened my eyes. George’s head was bowed over mine and his hand was stroking my hair. ‘I think you’ve been having a bad dream, honey.’ I felt a big urge to pee and a horrible sticky sensation between my legs. I got up and walked to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and when I looked down I noticed a few brown stains on my pyjamas bottoms. I sighed heavily: I had never been so relieved in my entire life to have had my period started. It’d been already few days late and I had been worried sick. I look at the canvas in front of me. It’s half smeared in white primer and the top part has already started to dry. George’s been very quiet for the last couple of weeks. I catch him sometimes staring at me with a lost look in his eyes, and I wonder if he suspects anything. It’s been a month since I started seeing Paul behind his back. In the beginning it was quite difficult to sneak away. But then after I saw Max, George and I both agreed we needed someone to look after Vicky while I had to work. We spoke to Ania, our cleaning lady, asked her if she knew anyone interested, someone we could trust of course. Monika, her eldest, was looking for part-time work, Ania said. She’s at college, doing an evening course in social care and until she finishes, she can’t afford to go full-time. George and I were delighted. We knew Monika, she had babysat Vicky a few times before. And after she started coming around, every time I had to go out, shopping or seeing Max, or even just nipping out for a bit of fresh air, I went to see Paul as well. Two weeks ago though, I had almost messed everything up. Paul and I were at his place in Chelsea. It was early afternoon, it must’ve been around two, and we were lying in bed on one side, facing each other, both naked under the sheets. Paul’s hand was resting on my face with his thumb brushing over my eyebrow. ‘Leave him, Adi,’ he said suddenly. I stared at him. Right until then I had fooled myself thinking that he had given up, that he was happy with what we had. Obviously he wasn’t. ‘I can’t,’ I said. ‘Why? See, this is what I can’t understand. You keep saying that you love me, but you’re still with him. How can you possibly live with a man you don’t love?’ ‘But I do,’ I muttered. ‘You do?’ He looked at me incredulously. His face frowned, his voice was getting angry. ‘Then what the hell are you doing here with me, in my bed?’ I looked away. He rolled on his back, covering his forehead with his hand. ‘Huh, I can’t believe this,’ he said shaking his head. ‘What is it with you, Adi?’ There was a nasty turn in his voice which made my stomach cringe. ‘Can’t you just stick with one man, do you always need two to satisfy you? You have him to fuck you at night and me during the day, is that what makes you happy? Tell me.’ I jumped up and tried to rush out the sheets. What was he trying to say? No one had ever spoken to me like that; coming from Paul it hurt even more. ‘Adi, Adi, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.’ His arms grabbed me before I managed to leave the bed, and pulled me close to him. I was already sobbing loudly by then. ‘Adi, sweetheart, please, I’m so sorry.’ He was holding me tight and rocking me as if I was a little baby. He gently laid me back on the bed. ‘I’ll have to go,’ I said gasping and sniffing. ‘Stay a bit longer...please, just another five minutes.’ He kissed my forehead and wiped my eyes. I was tired. My eyelids were feeling puffy and heavy. I need to rest my eyes just for a minute, I thought. When I opened them again, I noticed that the light sneaking through the tiny gap between the curtains had dropped to a darker tone. I was lying on my front, pressed against the sheets by Paul’s arm and leg bent on top of me. I stretched my arm and fetched my wristwatch from the bedside table. It was twenty five past two only. I’ll stay a little longer. There was plenty of time left to get home before Monika had to leave. When I looked at the watch again, I noticed that the hand pointing at two few minutes ago had moved down. I jumped up in an instant. ‘Oh my God!’ Disturbed by my sudden movement, Paul shifted in bed and opened his eyes. ‘What’s the matter, sweetheart?’ ‘It’s quarter past five.’ I was almost hysterical. I grabbed my clothes from the floor and started dressing up. Monica was supposed to leave half an hour ago the latest. Her evening classes were starting at six. ‘Don’t worry,’ Paul said while pulling on a pair of jeans. ‘Ring her up and ask her to wait until you get back. You pay her anyway, so where’s the problem? She won’t die if she misses one evening at the college, surely.’ ‘You don’t understand, she has to sit an exam this evening, she can’t possibly miss that.’ My wobbly fingers were disobediently refusing to button my shirt properly. ‘What if she’s gone, what if she’s left Vicky on her own?’ My heart shrunk with worry. ‘Where the hell is my phone?’ I frantically started rummaging around. ‘Why didn’t she call me?’ Then I remembered. My phone was in my bag and the bag was downstairs in the kitchen. God knows how many missed phone calls I had on it. ‘I’ll drive you home,’ Paul said when I was ready to go. ‘No, how am I going to explain to George where my car is?’ ‘Adi, there’s no way I’d let you drive in this state. I’ll drop your car home later. George won’t notice it’s been missing, trust me.’ ‘Stop panicking, will you?’ he said later in the car, glancing at me. I was nervously biting my nails and frowning at the slow moving cars in front of us. My attempts to call Monika had failed, her phone was off. I had tried to call Ania as well, but Marcin, her boy, had told me she had gone out. And Ania hasn’t got a mobile. And no one was picking our landline phone either. ‘For God’s sake Adi, Monika’s not a kid, she’s eighteen, she’s responsible enough to know she can’t leave a one year old baby on her own, no matter what the circumstances.’ I wished I could believe him, but at that particular moment in time I feared the worst. It’s was nearly half past six by the time we got to Highgate. Even George must’ve got home by then. What was I going to tell him? Paul stopped the car around the corner from the flat. ‘Call me later, let me know how things are,’ he said. I gave him a quick kiss and jumped out the car. Once inside I heard noises coming from the kitchen. When I walked in there I found George sitting at the table, feeding Vicky. She squealed happily when she saw me and raised her arms towards me. ‘Hello, my little baby.’ My heart was pounding hastily as I picked her up. Thank God she was ok. ‘I’m sorry,’ I turned to George. ‘I see you’re making a habit of disappearing from home, without telling anyone where you’ve gone, and not answering your phone when people need to get hold of you,’ he said without looking at me. His voice was calm but icy. Coming from George the words were harsh, the harshest he’d ever been to me. He didn’t mention my responsibilities as a mother, but I knew this was what he was pointing at. ‘I’m really sorry…,’ I attempted to explain, squeezing my brains in search for a lie to cover my absence from home for nearly eight hours. Abducted by aliens would’ve been the most credible one I think. ‘It’s not me you should apologise to,’ he said. ‘Monika nearly missed her evening classes because of you. You knew she had an exam she had to attend this evening. She had to ask her mum to come over and stay with Vicky until you’d finally remember to come home. And Ania had to call me at the office because she has another two kids at home that need looking after, you know?’ I felt utterly ashamed. He ignored me completely for the rest of the evening, but I couldn’t blame him; he didn’t even asked where I’d been. I wonder if he knows. I sweep the brush one last time over the canvas. Once dried out, the white background will be ready to receive the colour. Another thirty five minutes left until I see Paul. What am I going to say to him? “Paul, I don’t want to see you anymore.” He will ask why. “Because we’re hurting the people close to us. But mostly because you’ve lied to me about Joanne.’” Last Tuesday I had to go and see Max. To discuss the theme of my first project. This time I made sure that George knew about it. I told him I might not be able to get home in time as Max could only see me in the afternoon. We agreed he would come home early, before Monika would have to leave. I did, however, leave home two hours earlier so I could meet Paul for lunch. It was nearly half past six and I was on my way home, stuck in traffic somewhere in North West London. I was impatiently rattling the tips of my fingers on the wheel. The procession of cars ahead was barely moving. The pedestrian paths were heavily crowded with people rushing their way home from work. I decided to take a turn at the end of the road, hoping that the narrower street I was just about to turn onto would bear less cars on its trail. I knew I couldn’t be too far from home. Expensive apartment blocks were overwhelming the area. I was bored, tired and hungry, and all I wanted was to get home. Ahead, a car was pulling in one of the residential parking spaces marked on the other side of the road. I could see a man and a woman getting out of it. Lucky sods, I thought, they don’t need to worry about the traffic anymore. They started walking, his arm around her shoulders, hers wrapped around his waist, and as they were coming closer into my sight, I couldn’t help but admire how good they looked together. She was blonde, elegant and tall. And he was dark, smartly dressed and taller. The closer they got to where I was the more familiar their image looked. By the time my car was in line with them I already knew: Joanne isn’t only a friend, Paul has been seeing her all along. He kept ringing me for the following couple of days. I didn’t feel like talking to him. But then on Thursday he popped around to see Vicky. Since I’d refused to answer any of his calls, he had to phone up George, asking permission to come and see his daughter. I bet that hurt. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ he hissed through his teeth after George tactfully disappeared into his study once Paul had arrived. ‘Why are you avoiding me? I’ve been trying to call you for ages.’ I glared at him unimpressed. ‘I saw you with Joanne.’ ‘You what?’ he squinted at me. ‘You’ve heard.’ He stared at me. ‘No, Adi, you must’ve got it wrong.’ I knew he was lying. I don’t even know why I agreed to see him this afternoon. Nothing will make me change my mind. Paul and I are finished, and that’s that.
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