Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Apple of My Eye
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1342 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Apple of My Eye
By lyrikal_myrikal
23 April 2007
This apple that I live in,
Is rotten through and through.
Skin is black, the flesh is gone,
There's nothing we can do.

Or so they say, the lookers in,
Black ties, slicked hair, and polished shoes,
Assume there's maggots deep within:
"Theres nothing here to use"

While the taste makes me contort my face,
A ten times dailly ritual.
I find these views a complete disgrace,
Though i doubt the feelings mutual.

Try and keep it from your sight,
You won't hear a word from me,
But take a look, and then a bite,
You'll be surprised just what you see.

For deep within the festered skin,
Despite the stench and look,
Despite the maggots not so thin,
The seeds lie in their nook.

Time and rot's effects have shown,
They're no longer quite as bright.
But don't think they will never grow,
Us Walsall-ers will always fight!

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 24th April 2007
interesting concept - worth some pruning and polishing I think.  
 
If you're going to use "Us Walsallers" instead of "We", how about putting it all into a Walsall type dialect? That would show which side of the fence you're on from the start. 
 
Spellings/typos: dailly = daily, feelings = feeling's.

Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 26th April 2007
Some really nice bits in here. I sometimes find rhyming a bit twee, but it works for you. 
 
agree with pony on the polishing :grin  
 
clo

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item