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Shorts
If ifs and ands.... The Party
By Lizzy
23 April 2007
I'm not sure if I've strung this out too much!

Should I get to the point more quickly?


The Party


 

Hannah went to the front door trying to identify who it was from the shape of the figure. The frosted glass made this very difficult and was not helped by the half bottle of gin that she’d drunk. She managed to pop a mint into her mouth before opening the door. It seemed that these days packets of mints were to be found in most pockets and handbags. A straightening of the blouse, a primping of the hair, a false smile and she was ready.


There on the doorstep, holding a large bunch of spring flowers, was a diminutive, white haired old lady. Everyone’s idea of the perfect grandma.
"Hannah! How are you? I’m so pleased I could come. I would have been so sorry to have missed one of your lovely gatherings. I hope you haven’t gone to too much trouble. You look tired dear." All this said with a warm smile, which was somehow not reflected in her eyes.


Hannah opened the door wider to allow her mother-in-law into the hall.

"So glad you could come mother." Hannah hated calling her ‘mother’ but it had been insisted upon on the day of her marriage. It didn’t matter how many times she said it it still grated. And the Dragon knew this.


"Have you got a clean vase for these flowers, I couldn’t resist them. So cheerful."

She bustled through to the kitchen ahead of Hannah. A small, neat figure, silver grey hair with evidence of a recent blow-dry. Hannah noticed that the fingernails were painted in a pearl pink echoing the colour of her silk blouse which in turn toned beautifully with her soft grey suit.


"You have been busy dear. Have you got that vase?"

Hannah reached into the cupboard.
 "You look very nice mother. Is that a new suit?"

"This old thing! I’ve had it for years. I don’t buy much but when I do I like to buy quality." Her eyes took in what her daughter in law was wearing, a creased linen blouse, stained, and a cream skirt, also stained.

"I’ll just give it a rinse dear. They last so much longer in a fresh vase!"

It was never what she said but what she didn’t say that got to Hannah.

"Where is that son of mine? Busy somewhere I suppose! Always doing something. And he works so hard. Doesn’t take enough holidays. You should go away somewhere. Diane raves about that hotel in Newquay. She goes every year. Wouldn’t go anywhere else. You look as though you could do with a break as well dear. Been feeling under the weather have you? Paul tells me you’re thinking of having a new kitchen. I suppose that’s why he’s working so many hours. Where did you say that son of mine was?"

"He’s gone to get some of that tea you like, Earl Grey leaves isn’t it? He said he might pop into the office, see if there was anything he needed to deal with. Said he wouldn’t be too late though."

"That’s my Paul. Nothing’s too much trouble, and so committed to his job. Even going in to check on things on Bank Holiday. I suppose you didn’t have time for a proper shop this week dear, what with the party and everything! What time are you expecting the others? I can’t wait to see darling little Jake, he’s such a little sweetie. And did you know Lucy’s pregnant. They’re so pleased. A little brother or sister for Jake. Apparently he’s really excited about it."


Hannah made noises of agreement, surprise, shock or whatever was expected when the Dragon was pontificating. She had learned early on that ‘mother’ didn’t really need answers or to have conversations. She liked to talk and others to listen.

"There! That will bring a bit of spring indoors. Where would you like them dear? In the lounge? If you don’t mind I’d like to go and sit down, not good for me to stand up for too long."

"You go and sit down and I’ll bring you a glass of that sherry you like," with a dose of rat poison, Hannah said under her breath.


Hannah poured a generous slug of sherry for the Dragon. Her hand hovered before she capped the bottle, very tempted to drink herself into oblivion, but thought better of it. There would be time later.


"There you are mother. Can I get you anything else?"

"No thank you dear. I shouldn’t really have this, but it is a special occasion."

Hannah smiled, her first real one since the Dragon had arrived, "Yes it is isn’t it?"


"I hope you don’t mind dear, I’ve tidied up a little. I don’t suppose you had much time. Did you spill something on the carpet, there seems to be a wet patch?"

"I dropped some wine but managed to clear it up in time."


Hannah could see the raised eyebrows and it was not difficult to read the thoughts going through her mind.

‘At the bottle again! Paul will have to do something about this. If he decided to leave her he could always come and stay with me for a while.’


The doorbell rang. The Dragon primped her hair and smoothed down her skirt, getting herself ready for her subjects.

"Well I wonder who’ll be first? Such a pity that Paul’s not back yet."

The smile seemed to have become fixed to Hannah’s lips as she went to answer the door.


To be cont.

 

 

Reviews
Hi Lizzy
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 23rd April 2007
Personally I don't think you've strung this out too much, but then I suppose that really depends on what you're going to do with it. It was a great character exercise and you've set the scene for the continuation of the story very well - I'm intrigued about the party and Paul, and would definitely read on. I was expecting the Dragon to come to a sticky end, but I suppose I'll have to wait and see what's going to happen next!

Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 23rd April 2007
hi lizzy...no i don't think this is strung out too much at all..i think you have the balance just about right...this is a continuing saga isn't it? i have read only one of the others but will have to read them all when i get a chance...but i must say, a new comer to the ifs and ands saga, just in this short piece you have managed to get the characters to spring off the page...they are quite fully formed aren't they and i felt i knew them already. great tension and irritation between the two came out well. 
 
you have some spags...i'm not sure what kind of crits are expected on this site so i shall point them out only if you want me to....i know some writers post up work in progress and address the spags on the final drafts so are not realy looking for that type of crit.
Hi Lizzy
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 24th April 2007
I enjoyed this too, and continue to see comparisons between Hannah's mother-in-law and mine. I was told to call mine, Ma, and I hated it. Mostly I didn't call her anything, but on occasion called her Betty - just to make her mad.  
 
You do a great job in painting a picture of these two women and their differening ponts of view.

Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 26th April 2007
No i don't think you've strung it out although i am waiting for a stonker of an ending! Keep going, you still have me intrigued :)

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 26th April 2007
Very good I thought - for a minute at the beginning I thought the mother in law wasn;t going ot be so bad after all.... 
 
Liked it very much 
 
E

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 28th April 2007
Sorry I'm coming to this a little late. Enjoyed this, as I did the other bits. With Gill: looking forward to a stonking ending. 
 
Phil.

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