TOP GEAR PRESENTER IN OUTBURST SHOCKER!

 The presenter of televisions "Top Gear" Jeremy Clarkson shocked his fans and fellow journalists alike last night after an outburst of shockingly mild manners and polite tones of voices.

  The outburst occured outside the North Coiunty Hotel, where he was hosting a private function. Clarkson was heard speaking in a calm and level voice to the patrons as they got into their cars. "It was terrifying!" One attendee informed us. "He staggered up to me and suggested that although there is no evidence that pollution is directly causing climate change (in his opinion) there are worrying statistics to suggest that an increase in air born pollutants from fossil feuls may actually be causing an increase in childhood asthma, skin conditions, and cancer in adults."

 Another attendee was equally shocked. "He heard that my wife had a German accent and immediately set about informing other guests that contary to the stereotypical voices he used on television when refering to the Germans they are infact a well humoured people, who have suffered unfair criticism over the last century for crimes commited by ancestors that could not possibly be held responsible for today, any more than we should be held to blame for inventing concentration camps in the Boer War."

 "This is outrageous!" Declared his editor at the Daily Red Top where the nations favourite Petrol Head writes his collumn. "These level headed and well considered arguments are not what being a Brit is about. We want loud screaming tones, sarcasm and anger, and above all Facts, Data and Evidence should never ever replace Common Sense. Every one knows that who ever says things the loudest is always right, even when they are spouting any old nonsense." When asked if Mr Clarkson had made a comment to suggest that far from blaming the Government for speed camera fines an individual should take responsibility for their actions and not break the speed limit, the editor declared "I refuse to comment. Whats all this rubbish about writing to your local authority with a request to research the need for a Speed Camera? Tosh and piffle! Surely we should be giving column space to some one willing to blow them up or something!"

 In an unrelated Incident Richard Kilroy Silk has been sent to the Priory clinic for "Rest and Recouperation" after a stunning after dinner speach that appeared to suggest that foreigners who come to this country to legally apply for work should be welcomed as their skills are sorely required, and their taxes are desperately required by the chancellor. A panic ensued when he made contraversial comments suggesting that the Arab Nations not only gave the world oil and mineral resources, but also a legacy of mathematics stemming from they moment they created algebra. More shocking than any other comment was "Since a large number of the assylum seekers in this nation are from areas where the UKs armed forces have recently interfered, or from turmoil and instability that is the ongoing legacy of our own Empire perhaps we should use some of our excess wealth to aid those who have risked their lives to escape tyranny torture or rape. After all, we always claim that Britain has the moral high ground, why should we judge some ones right to a standard of living based purely on where they were born rather than how they have lived their life? Why use the dregs of humanity as a scape goat rather than ask if the failings of our infrastructure are the result of privatisation and neglect." Shortly after he was removed from his seat and secured in a private ambulance.