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An A.I. with angst!!!
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 24th April 2007 |
Well done BBS--the tone was caught nicely with the well placed beeps
But MY favourite hate is not that of being put on hold-- there are many ways of filling in time while waiting , from picking one's nose up to... or even down to...
Nope , it is in having a forkful of food half way to the gob , or a piece of newly torn toilet paper ready at hand , or soap in places not easily quickly washed off in the shower ( my arthritic shoulders are a problem as I can't rinse my armpits easily ) and at that precise moment having some ( usually unintelligibly foreign ) voice greet me cheerily with a new plan for living or something similar.
You would marvel at my restrained politeness-- you would indeed !
patterjack
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HI Jane
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 24th April 2007 |
Great fun. If only the recorded message machines could be so entertaining.
I lliked the "air of furious sufference". |
Right Bubbles
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 24th April 2007 |
Go with your Abba's Greatest Hits on Pipe-Pipes and raise you with "Greensleeves" on Stylophone"
Your call. |
Written by Signa (66 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
Ha! I've always suspected they lie when they give you a queue number.
The pressing buttons thing is annoying - what about the ones you talk to? I get that every time I ring the cinema.
"If you would like the film times say Film Times"
"Film Times!"
"You would like to see... Sunshine... - is this correct?"
"No!"
"What day would you like to see... Sunshine?"
"I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!!"
"You have asked to see it on ...Sunday... What time would you like?"
"F%$&*^£(£!!!!!!!!!"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Would you like to return to the Main Menu?"
"Aaaaarghhhhhh!"
Give me a human voice *sob* Anyway, where was I? I liked this.  |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
I'd have laughed harder if it weren't so bloody true!
Very funny.
Best wishes
Wltshr
PS Best tip. Don't press any of the damned buttons. Sometimes you get straight through to a person!
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
Thanks wltshr, I'll try that next time.
And Signa- l aughed out loud at your comment and now I wait for you to post it up, c,mon now
J |
Brilliant!
Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
Oooh, now I feel tempted to put up a vastly inferior post myself - see what you've gone and done!
Call centres are depressing - I used to work in one 10 years ago and have only just come off the Prozac... |
Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
Liked your automated voice with attitude. Sounds much more fun than the usual message.
Coincidentally I've got a call centre related piece which is almost finished and ready to post.
Cheers |
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
Smashing bit of nonsense as always Jane. I sometimes think it would be a good idea to have the `robot` talk to you instead of having to listen to` Val Doonican sings ZZ Top`. Incidentally our daughter works in a call centre - and she says it`s organised chaos most of the time..hence the waiting I expect.
happy writing
Woody
PS Wltshr is right - don`t do anything and you (eventually) get through to flesh and blood... |
Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
So True!
I hate those recorded messages that tell you that you have won something, you try to interfere only to realise that it is a machine.
A very good piece.
Liked 'Ah I see your waiting is now over, but you must ask yourself are we in the world of order and logic or random chance'
Lizzy |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |
| I thought this was wonderfully funny and laughed all the way through it. There is something so clipped and yet smarmy about those machine voices that the idea of a personality suddenly leaking out is wonderful. I loved 'old budgies droppings,' 'as welcome as a Trojan worm virus,' 'I could diagnose a Linux system, but all I ver get to do is say "Your call is important"...' -- (I hear a lot of complaints about Linux around here; otherwise that reference would have sailed over my head). And Abba's Greatest Hits on pan pipes is a perfect touch too. Full stars on this one! |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 26th April 2007 |
Thoroughly enjoyed. Pet hate - when you finally get through to the paid monkey on the other end of the line, you might as well be talking to a computer as all they do is read answers from a prepared script. Ahhhhh!
Abba on pan pipes - I'd be suicidal after two minutes.
Phil |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 28th April 2007 |
My Dad's half-deaf and half-blind, so having keyed in what is probably the wrong account number, the machine then asks "What is the first letter of your PIN?", to which he replies "P", and the machine goes "Did you say "T"?", and he says "Yes", and then "Hang on, no. Did you say "B"?"... after a few minutes of these exchanges, the machine ultimately self-destructs and switches to Abba.
Lovely bity of nonsense, Jane - nice to see the human side of the machine - like that thing someone did with two satnavs, male and female, arguing in a car about directions.
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Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 29th April 2007 |
 this is very funny..so much scope with this, great idea you have there BBS..i loved the abba..they always do play that too don't they. lol! |
Written by rushwilde (24 comments posted) 6th June 2007 |
Veryyyy funny. I have never thought that maybe, just maybe the automated response system might have a few issues with the system to.
go figure! |
Call Centres
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 29th January 2008 |
Jane,
Having just written to you, there is THIS piece in the random listings!
How wierd!
Very well judged piece - I don't think there is anyone, anywhere, who hasn't been aggravated by these; the suggestion that the equipment might have a mind of its own is very subtle, and amusingly done.
Thanks.
Again, though, possibly just a little bit long - but it might make a neat little two-hander on stage - the one person on the phone, visible; and the other voice disembodied - or even in view, in a darkened room; just a head sticking through a tabletop, or the like.
Just a thought.
Pete |
word association ........
Written by Bagheera (685 comments posted) 29th January 2008 |
........ or picture association, or something!
Couldn't stop myself thinking of the manic-depressive android with a "brain the size of the Universe" in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.... 
Very funny, well worked idea
For the record, I thought the length was about right but you might want to chop some of the LONGER bits of monologue into shorter, more manageable chunks - Pete's idea of doing it as a "two-hander" is probably worth developing if you want to put this on the boards ....
Paul |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
| I could swear the recorded computer helpline message I got this morning said: "Please have your credit card details to hand. An Asian will be with you shortly". |
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