Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Short S. > ce suo
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1141 guests online and 11 members online
Shorts
print friendly version     
ce suo
By rui
25 April 2007
One of the few things common across the entire world is gents urinal discipline. Sorry, not a tasty subject, if you're eating dinner go away and come back later. Anyway, there are people who seem unable to, er, perform even with these unwritten rules in place. It is rather unnatural to "go" when standing next to a complete stranger, after all. Pity the poor soul with a shy kidney. The condition is, thankfully, rare. So what happens if you get two of them? Feedback loop?

Anyway, it's taken longer to write the introduction than the story, so endure :)


09:27

Too much coffee, so I'm making a dash to the gents. I've got loads on today, didn't sleep a lot last night, so I'm yawning at my desk. Right, deep breath...

09:28

Oh no! Both cubicles are taken! And this toilet only has two urinals, and they're really close together. Crap!

Double crap, someone else is walking in. Maybe they want a cube and will leave. I'll brave the urinal.

No! He's doing the same. Never mind, stand here, unzip and wait. He'll finish up and be gone soon, then I can go, so to speak.

09:29

He's not going. Stand up, face the wall, pretend not to notice.

09:30

Tell me I'm not standing next to another Bashful Bladder sufferer. He's still not gone. This is getting quite painful.

09:35

He's starting to shift around now. I think he's been hoping I'll leave.

09:52

OK this is getting quite serious now. My bladder feels the size of a football. I've broken out into a sweat, I can barely stand up! Dozens of people have walked in and out to see these same two people standing at the pissers shuffling and Not Talking.

09:59

The other guy is giving little coughs now. Perhaps he's trying to hurry me up? I don't want to lose face by being the one to give up and go to a cubicle.

10:13

Jeez! Hurry up already! I'm going to explode! One giant water-bomb.

10:30

How long have I been here? I seem to have passed into some zen-like state of calm. The pain in my bladder seems to have become a wellspring of calm. I can beat you! I can stand here forever - you will have to be the one to give up.




17:47

I... can't... move...

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 25th April 2007
And I thought the female of the species had problems when having to join enormous queues in order to use the 'convenience'. 
Good one 
Lizzy
Wow
Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 25th April 2007
Is that what it is like? Thank god I am not a man. 
Enjoyed it.

Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 25th April 2007
i'd hate to have to wee in front of perfect strangers..or even friends really..although i have but you don't wanna know that story. yes, i can relate to this...thank god i'm a girl!

Written by rui (150 comments posted) 25th April 2007
OK I'm wrong, apparently someone did write them down.  
 
Anyway, apologies for piss-poor content, but I needed to do something a little thin to get my hand back in. If I've been reading a long book, I find I can't write. Is that odd? Thanks for reading :)

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 25th April 2007
You have caught the moment perfectly. As i was readingm I felt like I was standing in the loo and watching these two gentlemen outliving each other. Bladder tickling. 
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 26th April 2007
Very funny, and sadly, so true. 
 
You could have made so much more of this. 
 
Urinal etiquette: When faced with a row of empty urinals where do you stand? Where does the next man stand? And the third? 
 
The fear of willy watchers? 
 
Good stuff though 
 
Wltshr

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 28th April 2007
Ouch! 
Though I think that as guys we are still lucky. There are often more toilets available (because urinals require less space) and it takes less time. There are hardly ever such queues in front of a men's room as there are in front of ladies' rooms. 
And so I learned another Mandarin verb today... 

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 29th April 2007
Amusing piece. Thankfully I don't have a psychologically damaged bladder. 
 
Phil
Thanks, all
Written by rui (150 comments posted) 30th April 2007
This was just something I thought of one afternoon when I'd had wayyy to much coffee. I don't have this problem myself - I nicked the idea from another book. 
 
TT: that was basically the image I had in mind when I wrote it. I didn't know whether to finish with someone exploding, dying or just... holding on.  
 
wltshr: there are loads of "urinal etiquette" gags on the internet - I could do more on that, but it would end up being "just another etiquette gag" :( 
 
Fledermaus: mandarin verb? 
 
Phil: I'm sure for those that do it's no laughing matter - but mocking the afflicted is fun!

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 30th April 2007
Hi rui, 
I thought 'ce suo' meant something different and was a verb, but I just looked it up in the dictionary :grin One learns something new every day. 'Toliet' is always an important word to learn in any language :p

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.