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By rui
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25 April 2007 |
I've not written a script before. Just practising with things that happen around me, with no real purpose. Hey ho, I'm young and have no big inspiration for a story. The small stuff is easier  | Rice: | | <<Look, another one is there. How many weeks do you think?>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<I think maybe is thirty weeks. Less than me.>> | | Rice: | | <<She looks young.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<and poor>> | | Rice: | | <<pity.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<there are lots like that here. Why don't they cut?>> | | Rice: | | <<Why don't you? We're not rich here.>>
| | Jade Blossom: | | <<it's different.>> |
Sitting in front of the two are two old women. One breaks off her conversation and turns to the couple. | Woman: | | er, er excuse me, sorry. | | Rice: | | Yes? | | Woman: | | oh, er ah what language was that you were speaking? Was that Chinese or er Man-dar-rin? | | Rice: | | Closest to Mandarin Chinese. Local language.
| | Woman: | | oh how wonderful, I have a friend who lives in Northampton who speaks Mandarin so I thought it sounded similar. He's a teacher, teaches Chinese to children at infant school. It's very popular now, you know? | | Jade Blossom: | | <<She says what?>> | | Rice: | | <<She says she has a friend who teaches Chinese to small school.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<Could I do that?>> | | Rice: | | <<I don't see why not>> | | Woman: | | (breaking in) Um, her would you have a look at this? (roots around in her capacious handbag. Pulls out a dog-eared, battered book, with "Good news for all nations" on the cover. She turns to a particular page) | | Jade Blossom: | | (reading) <<this is what?>> | | Rice: | | <<Christian-path. Iesu speaks on the middle mountain.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<Looks funny. Is it badly translated?>> | | Rice: | | (reading) <<No, it says the same in English.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | (deadpan) <<She believes this?>> | | Rice: | | <<Must do.>> | | Woman: | | (smiling expectantly) So? |
Rice gives the book back to the woman. | Rice: | | We are not sure what this is, it is difficult. | | Woman: | | But it's good, yes? | | Jade Blossom: | | It is a little bit crazy... | | Rice: | | maybe not a good translation | | Woman: | | (crestfallen) oh, |
The nurse comes out to call for Jade Blossom. | Jade Blossom: | | Perhaps we'll read it later, in English. |
Much later. | Jade Blossom: | | <<small-rice?>> | | Rice: | | <<Yes, small-flower?>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<Was the only reason that woman spoke to us because she wanted us to be Jesus-path people?>> | | Rice: | | <<I don't know. Maybe.>> | | Jade Blossom: | | <<How rude.>> |
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Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 25th April 2007 |  found it really funny, though would like a little bit more meat to it. It does give you a lot of scope. You have named it #1, so may be you could build on this a little more may be. But found it really interesting.
Regards,
TT | More could have been made of it.
Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 25th April 2007 | | I Liked the idea of the foreign language being in brackets. The girls could have had more fun saying things without being understood by others. I also liked the wierd religion and the clash of cultures - again more could have been made of them. |
Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Onwards and upwards.
Out of interest, why didn't you put this in scripts?
Enjoyed
Wltshr |
Written by rui (150 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Thanks for the reviews. I backed off a long way with this as I wasn't sure how far I could push the "pushy-Christian" theme.
Wltshr, I didn't even think about putting it in scripts. I tend just to stuff things in "short stories" and not worry about whether they actually are short stories or not. I may repost in scripts, with the vitriol put back in. |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Unlike TT I didn't find this funny (but then he's twisted!), but I did find it a very good snippet of life.
I take it that the woman was one of those Joe Hobo witnesses then?
Best wishes
steve. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Liked this... see you've posted another version so will rea that then comment properly (well as proper as I ever get anyway)
E |
Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 29th April 2007 | Liked this, especially the start when the two are talking between themselves. I can't work out if this was supposed to be funny or not - so if it was, it needs a bit of tuning in that department. (Sorry.) I don't think you need to worry about how far you push things - it's just fiction. (mainly)
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 1st May 2007 | Heheh. Nice characterization of both.
I don't speak much Chinese (yet), but I think I have met more than a few people like Rice and Jade Blossom. Many Dutch people abroad are exactly the same btw, if not worse...
The twist in the end was brilliant.
And, reasoning back... I guess the woman must have known at least some Chinese, for why else would she carry a Chinese bible?
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