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I had a pint in the Royal Oak the other day. The Royal Oak had once been a bastion of old fashioned Britishness. Not proud, majestic, flag-waving Britishness just cloth cap, pounds, shillings and pence, meat and two veg Britishness. It’s situated on a neglected backstreet in the city centre and, until quite recently, had been completely untouched by time and fashion.
It must be ten years since I last went in and it was a dying breed of pub even then - if you wanted food you had a choice of a pork pie of uncertain age, a bag of crisps or going to the chip shop on the way home. The customers were mostly crusty old lads, sucking on pipes, who’d been regulars since Churchill was Prime Minister and hearty, bearded real-ale chaps in Aran sweaters, swearing they’d at last found the true nectar. The beer was cheap but it also reminded you that it existed for some other reason than just to get legless on.
Arthur, the landlord, ran it for thirty years until his death. He always remembered your face and what you drank, although admittedly there was only a choice of two bitters, one lager or bottles of Mackeson, plus perhaps three or four spirits. Lager was still frowned upon as a bit of a woman’s drink, ask for lime in it and it was served with a: There you go sweetie, a wink and a straw. It was the sort of place where if an otherwise cunning and well-briefed agent of a foreign power walked in and smugly asked for: A cup of coffee plees, old boy, he would still be reported to the authorities without further ado.
But all that is gone now. Breweries, accountants and interior designers have all had their wicked way with the place– it now has swanky furniture, fussy decor, piped music and pimply youths behind the bar. It also has extensive wine selection. If you'd asked for wine ten years ago Arthur would have scratched his head before disappearing under the bar to search for a dusty wine box he thought he remembered opening two Christmases ago. Things are better now surely, in the corporate, customer-focused world. Food and wine are readily available, there’s carpet on the floor, paper in the bog and the place no longer smells of stale pub. But I still long for the homely, back-street dive that has been swept away by the march of progress. One day, if I ever achieve my ambition of becoming an eccentric millionaire, I'll open a chain of back street dives across the country where no wine or coffee or alcopops will be served, your shoes will stick to the floor and if you want to order goat's cheese and guacamole on a ciabatta, you can just fuck off.
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | This reminds me of a visit to Clare, Ireland. We all went to the local. I asked my uncle for half a lager and he brought back a pint of Smethicks saying they hadn't got any lager or half pint glasses.I think you'd love it, there.
Mind you, it's happenign over there too so you'll have to be quick.
Are you one of those young fogies I've been hearing about? You really are the master of the witty rant
cheers
Jane |
Written by Sir_Nigel (37 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | I don’t regard myself as a fogie, young or old. To me, I’m just a normal, perfectly balanced, rational human being and it’s every one else who’s mad. Although admittedly that’s a well known sign you’re bonkers.
| I loved the last line..
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | ...it is just so 'British'.
A lot of my old locals are now expensive apartments.
'The Rose and Crown' is now the 'Rows of Flats', 'The Clockhouse' is now 'Rolex Towers', and the 'The Black Horse' is now the 'Black Hole Surrounded by Burly Gents with Builders Bottoms Leaning on Shovels'
Try getting a pint in one of those bastards!
Best wishes and keep up the rant,
Steve
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Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Very, very funny. The description and the detail were spot on.
Fabulous last line.
Regards
Wltshr |
Written by Lizzy (783 comments posted) 26th April 2007 | Funny.
You can't beat the 'good old days'!
Lizzy |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 27th April 2007 | As has already been mentioned that last line is very funny.
Good idea putting these on a blog I reckon - your 'rants' read like a kind of opinion column.
Amusing as always and with more than speck of truth - enjoyed it.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 29th April 2007 | Enjoyed this very much. My local pub has more than a touch of the old Royal Oak - and I love it. However, when the current landlord moves on it will probably be cloned into some foul, aseptic, soulless shit-heap. So it goes - unfortunately.
Good stuff.
Phil. |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 2nd May 2007 | | Another good rant from you. Round my the property speculators keep buying up the old locals, closing them down and using the licenses to open trendy bars in the city centre. |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 2nd May 2007 | | Er, just made a typo! My last comment should read 'round my way'. Cheers |
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