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Drama Scripts
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| Jumping with the Lemmings | |
| By Bottleblondesurfer | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26 April 2007 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I'm putting this up before I send it off for submission. They were asking for two-handers taking place in one setting. I'd be grateful for any comment. Is the situation clear? Do you know the characters? Is it too long and boring? I can then make changes before submitting it. I know it's a bit long so I appreciate your time.Ta To clear things up the brief is:- two-hander, one scene, aftermath of relationship breakdown [A young woman is cleaning a gleaming kitchen when there is a furious knocking at the door. She walks through an equally spotless lounge to answer] VAL- Well I wondered when I’d be seeing you. That was you last week, Keith? It was you wasn’t it. It just had to be you. No one else could create so much chaos so easily. I’d forgotten how you do that. KEITH- So Val, nice to see you, too. Knew I could be sure of a warm welcome after all this time. Let me in then [ Keith walks straight in, followed by Val, looking around as he goes] Nice house, very tasteful. No style but very tasteful. I bet your father has shares in Ikea. No wonder you kept your new address secret from your old crowd. VAL- I didn’t keep it secret from the old crowd. [she catches up with him and takes an ornament off him and puts it down] If you want a normal welcome visit like normal people. Anyway I know it was you; Mrs Faulkner described the car KEITH- Who is she, some busybody? VAL- The neighbourhood watch rep. KEITH- The KGB in Laura Ashley, then. .. VAL- Well, what do you expect when you come tearing down the road in an area like this and screech stop outside my house. KEITH. I wouldn’t say screech! VAL. And just lurk by the gate for 5 minutes, then drive off like a maniac KEITH. Blimey were you taking notes? VAL. Me?? I got all the detail from Mrs Piers and then from Mrs Maxted. She’s the one who timed you. Her husband collects clocks, she times everything. I tell you anally retentive isn’t in it. And you have to turn up and create a scene. I’m just trying to fit in and keep a low profile KEITH. I only drove down the road, that’s not illegal. These people don’t own the road. VAL. Try telling them that. They thought you were a joy-rider or stalker. It’s really an excuse for a nose around and you gave them the excuse. KEITH. I didn’t see any set visiting hours on the lampposts VAL. Just how the hell did you find me? [she stops and looks at him and softens] I would have contacted you……eventually. But I’m not ready yet.. It’s what we agreed, Keith……It’s what we agreed. KEITH. I don’t see why I should be held to that, anyway I didn’t really have a say it in. You broke us up. VAL. No I didn’t. You did all the breaking; I just cleaned up the mess. We’d still be hurting each other if I hadn’t made a move. KEITH. And look where you moved to. This place isn’t you. It just reeks of your mother. And I bet “daddy” financed it. Your share of the settlement couldn’t have covered all this. I could only afford a flat in Croydon VAL. Are you saying, now, that I took advantage? It was all….. KEITH. [he checks himself and calms down] Look, I’m not complaining, the flat’s enough and it’s convenient for work. VAL. So you’re working again? David did keep your job open? KEITH.Ummm, not exactly. I’m sort of on contract; simple stuff, mostly extensions and outline plans. But he likes what I’ve done. VAL You’re not the victim you make yourself out to be, Keith.. KEITH. I’m just trying to fit in too, you know [he stands up suddenly angry and looks around the room] Or rather fit back in. You’ve rejected everything for this…. This bijou hell hole VAL. [rising to the bait] Don’t be so dramatic. OK,If it is a hell hole, it’s a pleasant and comfortable hell hole. KEITH. They often are. I should know. I’ve designed enough of them. VAL. What gives you the right to criticise? If you’re so offended by it why did you come.... Maybe Mummy did help with it, but I like it. It’s …OK…yes tasteful and things match and you can walk in without gashing your knee on some stupid piece of artwork. KEITH. You said you liked that piece, we both did. VAL. I thought I did, because you liked it . I was influenced by you. KEITH. And now you’re influenced by your mother. You’ve reverted to type. Hiding away here, terrified of the neighbours VAL. For Christ’s sake, I have other priorities. What did you come for, Keith. Why are you here? KEITH. We used to laugh at people who lived like this. Victims of the style nazi’s we used to call them. VAL. Well, I’m not laughing now. I realise I like things like this. It all matches, it’s nice. KEITH. That is not you; that is your mother talking. God, your mother!!. She would happily have gone up to Van Gogh and said “Can you do another Starry Night picture but leave out the yellow as it clashes with the curtains”. She is the worst kind of philistine; she is a philistine with money. VAL. Stop it Keith. I can’t take all the angry bullshit. It’s always there….. OK! I did need Mummy’s help; I wasn’t in a fit state. They were both there for me when I needed it. KEITH. Are they still living in that cowshed in Berkshire, then? VAL. You were quite happy to take their money and do that Barn conversion. They were very impressed with it, too KEITH. That’s cos I did what they wanted. Jesus, it looked like Gormenghast with double-glazing. VAL. That’s not what you said at the time. KEITH. [looks meaningfully round the room] Why is it rich people like to put their stamp on things? Proof of ownership I suppose. VAL. Is that really what you think or are you just trying to be cruel? KEITH. They always have to change and convert. Just think, when all the barns have been converted where are the cows going to live, eh? They didn’t think of that. VAL. Keith, I know all this off by heart. You could rant for England [she softens at this thought] Look you’ve come all this way; you might as well go the last little bit. KEITH [deliberately misunderstanding her] Croydon to Islington isn’t that far. I’m not going to just conveniently disappear. Do you really think all this is going to make it better? Is this your idea of healing, then? VAL. I can look at her photos, now. It hurts but I can do it, Keith. You have to move on. KEITH. Move on, Oh right!. If you mean bloody counselling, forget it. I remember those Relate sessions with Ursula. That was a bloody farce. VAL. Yes, well that was unfortunate. [she stops to remember and starts to smile] It was a bit weird, wasn’t it? [she starts to giggle] God she was awful, wasn’t she? KEITH. [catching the mood and smiling] She was bloody deaf! Fancy having a deaf counsellor! It defeats the whole purpose. VAL. Well she could hear a bit…. if you shouted KEITH. Shouting was about right, too. If we weren’t shouting at each other we were shouting at her. It was like a Monty Python sketch. Most of South London heard about our problems. Great therapy that was. VAL. We came out one day and you said we should learn semaphore and we just burst out laughing. [she suddenly goes quiet and serious] It was the first time we had laughed since Gemma went…I mean died…. She didn’t go anywhere, she died… You’ve no idea how long it took me to say that. KEITH. [he backs off at this] I should really be going before I affect the property value. VAL. You look as white as a sheet, sit down for a bit and I’ll make you a coffee. I’ve nothing stronger KEITH. [he slumps onto a chair] Yeah, coffee would be good. Instant, though; none of that fresh muck your mother drinks. Remember that cafetiere she bought us? VAL. That Bohemian stance doesn’t fool anyone; you’re as middle class as my parents KEITH. Now who’s trying to be cruel? You don’t really like this place do you? I mean it’s the sort of house where you feel obliged to leave your shoes and personality outside in the porch. VAL. To be honest it’s just not that important to me. It’s just somewhere to live. . I’ve been busy working on myself, nurturing myself KEITH. I recognise that psycho-babble. You’ve been going for more therapy. I hope this one could at least hear. They’re so dishonest. You hand them over your power and they drip-feed it back to you at £60 at time. And you thank them for empowering you. VAL. You shouldn’t be so snotty about the help that’s available to get over these traumas KEITH. Our daughter wasn’t a trauma. I can’t be like you and have some arbitrary time limit. VAL. [She comes out of the kitchen, furious] You don’t have a monopoly on grief. Just because you wave it around like a flag, saying my pain is better than yours. It’s not a competition, you know. Here [she slams the cup on the table] KEITH. It’s just another bloody belief system, whether it’s Ursula with her ”Be you own Guru” T shirt or some simpering vicar spouting platitudes. It’s an exercise in self-deception VAL. Debbie helped me sort things out. She was honest and perceptive. I don’t even care if it is self-deception as long as it helps you cope. It’s not perfect, but sanity is accepting your hang-ups and coping with them. Ignoring them is a sort of madness. KEITH. I think sanity is very over-rated, myself. VAL. Oh just fuck off, then!!! KEITH, Well, that’s a rather Bohemian response. Does Mrs Maxted know she has a subversive for a neighbour? VAL. There’s so much self-hate. You’re so full of it. But you don’t have to hate yourself because at this moment I hate you enough for both of us……….But, of course that was purpose of the exercise. Come here so I can give you the response you need. Your tight-lipped, suffer-in-silence family won’t help you. So you have to hunt me out to do your dirty work. Open old wounds so you can revel in your pain. How do you think it affects me? I’m hanging on by sheer will and you are not going to drag me down there again. [She collapses onto a chair and weeps] KEITH. Oh, Val….It wasn’t what…..I mean I didn’t think….Oh shit, I’d better go….. I’m sorry. VAL. When…..when it happened. I blamed you, blamed me, blamed the doctors, even God. But that all just got in the way. Got in the way of me and Gemma. Debbie showed me that blame is poison. Now it’s simple, just me missing Gemma. KEITH. But what about the pain, doesn’t it hurt? VAL. Of course if fucking hurts, you’ve no idea. But I can just about handle it I can’t handle yours as well. [she picks up the untouched coffee] Look, drink your coffee before you go. I opened the jar specially, it’s never so nice after you’ve broken the seal. KEITH. [he takes the cup but doesn’t drink] They think you get over it. Of course, they are sympathetic at first. Now, my dad acts like it never happened and my mother just says stuff like “Times a great healer” …. Yeah, well it’s also the ultimate killer, too! But no one says that. So I don’t say anything; it made other people feel better. But it was all just too bloody much. There was nothing left.. I’ve never admitted it to anyone but after we broke up I thought about packing it all in…..you know suicide, it sort of seemed the next logical step. [he takes a long sip and keeps his head down Yeah, you can’t beat that first cup. VAL. [worried and distracted] Keith….. , but where did you park your car? It’s just that… KEITH. Oh what?? My car?? Oh, I know! The bloody neighbourhood watch Mafia will have it clamped or something? VAL. Well it’s happened before. KEITH. Jesus H, I was actually joking. It’s another bloody world here. Your parents have finally got you where they want you. You know that is illegal. If they scuff my car that is criminal damage. I could sue. VAL. It’ll be all right. I’ll give Mrs Maxted a ring. Go on Keith you were saying..…about suicide. I didn’t know. KEITH. Oh yeah, that. Dolphins do it. I did some research. Apparently… VAL. Don’t go all flippant and vague on me again. Really, Keith there is no shame to it.. You let out a bit of honesty then, it was good to hear it. KEITH. No, really Dolphins do commit suicide. They just sit on the sea bottom and drown. It’s a fact that dolphins are one of the most intelligent creatures and they choose to do it. VAL. I’m sorry, so what are you saying exactly? KEITH. I’m saying, it’s not a question of shame. It’s the response of a superior intellect, to even consider suicide. VAL. All right then, what about Lemmings then. They do it too, and they haven’t got an O level between them. They jump off cliffs, hundreds of them, for no bloody reason…... Do you think it makes you special, is that it? KEITH. Jesus, it’s all I have left. The only thing I have to hang onto is my dignity and you can’t let me have that. OK, OK I considered it because I’m a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. VAL. I’m not your father Keith I would never say that about you. I meant it. I was pleased to see the glimpse of vulnerability from you, reminds me of the man I married. KEITH. Christ, I can’t remember how I used to be. Something like this should bring people together not blast them apart. That’s what I don’t get. VAL. No, Keith, neither do I. KEITH. And now you hate me enough for both of us. You’ve certainly got your mother’s knack for a put-down. VAL. I’ll take the cup. No, I don’t hate you… But I just can’t be around you right now……….. There’s been no-one else…..in case you were wondering. That was never the reason. KEITH. It took me ages to find this place and when I did find it I did wonder. These places don’t come cheap….You said right now. What about the future? Do you think there is any hope, y’know for us. VAL. Well, I suppose there’s always hope but I can’t see any happy endings for us. I think we’ve had our happily ever after. KEITH. Christ, If that is the result of all your soul searching I think I’ll join the queue with the Lemmings. VAL I don’t think you really mean that, Keith.. KEITH. [he turns to go and walks to the door] The “fors” outnumber the “against” at the moment VAL. They don’t really do that….The lemmings, that is .It’s just one of those myths that get started. KEITH. Perhaps just one did it and gave the others a bad name. VAL. That dolphin story, I’m sure that’s a myth as well. KEITH. It’s funny how these things start up. .OK well I suppose it’s not an option then VAL. You’ll be all right, Kieth. KEITH. I’ll drive slowly, might even give Mrs Maxted a wave as I go.
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