Chapter 28

As Donna held him fast, he gradually quietened, and eventually pulled away from her.  He looked at her through swollen, red-rimmed eyes, but he still did not speak – he seemed to be in a total daze.  She crouched down in front of him, her hand resting on his.

“Please, Jon!  Say something!” she pleaded, close to tears herself.
 
Rosie was sitting on the floor, sobbing – she was totally bewildered.  Why was daddy so upset?  Was it something she had done?  She just did not understand.  Donna went over to her and picked her up, trying her best to comfort her.  She sat down in the chair opposite him, and, once again, pleaded with him to talk to her, but he was in no mood for talking.

“Leave me alone, Donna!” he whispered, brokenly.  “Please, just leave me alone!”

“We have to talk about this, love!” she said, trying to reason with him.  “You know, it won’t just go away!”

“I know that!” he yelled, suddenly losing his temper.  “Don’t you think I know that?  I know it won’t go away, it’ll follow me everywhere – everyone I look at, I’ll be wondering if they’re accusing me, as well!  Everyone will hate me – my career will be over – finished!  I’m still trying to take that in, Donna, and I’d like time to do it on my own!”

“You don’t have to go through it on your own!” said Donna, still trying desperately to comfort Rosie.  “I’ll go through it with you!  I want to be there for you!”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said!” he yelled, completely beside himself with anger and pain.  “I want to be on my own!  Go away – go on!  Just go away!”

Donna had never seen him like this before, she had never seen him so full of anger, and it scared her.  She wanted to help him, but how could she, if he wouldn’t let her?  She took one last look at him, before she fled from the room.  She waited until Rosie was asleep before she let herself cry.  Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door, but did not answer it straight away.  There was another knock, and a voice said:

“Donna!  It’s me – Laura!”

She got up, and ran to answer the door.  As Laura stepped inside, she was shocked to see Donna so upset.  She put her arm around her shoulders, and led her to a chair.

“What on earth’s the matter?” she said, filling up the kettle, and switching it on.

“He knows, Laura!” said Donna, staring straight ahead.  “In all innocence, Rosie asked him if he wanted to read the paper – and that was it!   All hell was let loose!”

“Oh God!  What did he say?”

“Not much” said Donna.  “He lost his temper, and said something about them trying to destroy him, then he broke down and cried in my arms.  It was awful, Laura, I felt so helpless!”

“Oh, the poor love!  Where is he now?”

“Right here!” said a voice.  “Talking about me, were you?”

“Jon, what are you doing?  Go and sit down, before you fall down!”

“Don’t tell me what to do!  I’ve come to get some painkillers, I’m in bloody agony!”

“I would’ve got them!” said Donna, handing them to him, along with a glass of water.  “You know the doctor told you to rest!  Laura’s here – she’s come to see how you are!”

“Well, now she’s seen me!  Satisfied?”

“Jon, don’t talk to her like that!  Her and Steve have been good friends to us!”

On seeing the look of concern and compassion on Laura’s face, his anger suddenly melted away, and, once again, tears took over.  He stood there hanging on to the worktop, almost bent double, shaking uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry, Laura!  I’m so sorry!”

“It’s all right!” she said, crossing the room, and taking hold of his arm, she led him back to the chair he had just vacated.  She put her arm around his shoulders, as she waited for him to regain his self-control – she did not have to wait long.

“I know you probably won’t believe me!” she said.  “but anyone who knows you, and knows what kind of person you are, won’t believe that disgusting article!”

”But, what about people who don’t know me!”  His voice trembled – he was as close to the edge as he could get, without actually tipping right over.  “They’ll believe it, won’t they?  They’ll think I’m a right toerag, won’t they?  Turning my back on a handicapped child – doesn’t look very good, does it?  They won’t bother to try and look at the reasons behind it, all they’ll see is what’s right in front of them!  The press are obviously having a field day at my expense!   I wish I could stay here, and hide away from them!  I can’t face going home, I don’t know if I can handle it at the moment!  I haven’t got the strength to do it alone….”

“You don’t have to!” said Laura, glancing at Donna.  “You know Donna will always be there for you!  While she’s around you’ll never have to go it alone!  She loves you so much – you must know that!”

“More than I deserve!” he said, looking up at Donna.  “After all that’s happened, a lot of women would’ve left me – they would’ve had enough by now!  She’s been through so much, but she’s still here, right by my side!”

“It’s the least I can do for the man I love!” said Donna, tears rolling down her face.  “When I said those vows, I meant them – for better or for worse – remember?”

“Yes, I remember!” he said, softly. “and I meant them, too!”

A few days later, as much as he would have liked to put it off, Jon and Donna flew back home to England.  They said a tearful goodbye to Steve and Laura, and promised to stay in touch – they had proved to be such true friends, and true friends were sometimes hard to find.

Rosie and Clare were asleep upstairs, and Donna was in the bedroom, unpacking their things.  It was funny how you always seemed to have more clothes when you returned than when you left!  He sat there on the sofa, his eyes closed, trying not to think of what the days ahead were going to bring.  He heard a gentle tap on the back door – it was Eileen.  She stood there in the doorway, a copy of the offending newspaper in her hand.  Her face was grave, as though she did not quite know what to make of it.

“Is this true, love?” she said, holding it out.  “Did you ignore that little girl?”

“I knew it!” he said, turning away from her, to hide the tears that began to spill down his face.  “I knew this would happen!  It’s not how it seems, Eileen!  I didn’t mean to hurt her, I…”

“I wanted to hear your side of things!” said Eileen, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.  “I thought it was only fair!  This seems so unlike you!”

She stopped as he winced in pain, a look of concern crossed her face.

“Are you all right, love?” she said.   “You look a bit pale!”

“I spent five days in hospital while we were away” he said.  “my appendix almost burst!  I was almost out of my mind with the pain!”

“You don’t do things by halves, do you!” said Eileen, trying to lighten the mood a little – it didn’t work.  “Come on, tell me!  Take your time – I can see you’re tired, but I can also see you want to tell me your side of the story!”

He explained to her about the concert, and exactly what had happened, taking care not to leave anything out.  He wanted people to know everything, not just what the papers thought they should know.  Eileen listened intently; at first she did not seem to know what to say, then a sudden thought struck her.

“You say that you sent Emily a letter explaining everything?”

“Yes!” he said, puzzled, wondering what she was getting at.

“Well, if she’s not a vindictive child by nature, then can you be one hundred per cent sure she actually got your letter?”

“Why wouldn’t she have got it?” he said.  “I know I got the right address!”

“I’m sure you did!” said Eileen, putting her hand on his.  “but did it get to the right person?  You always said her parents seemed to have it in for you!”

“Oh God!"

The realisation suddenly hit him – no wonder she had reacted the way she did.  There was only one explanation for this – her parents had never wanted him around, they always, for some inexplicable reason, tried to keep her away from him whenever they could.  Still, surely they wouldn’t sink this low – would they?   As he sat there, stunned, trying to work out exactly why Emily’s parents would do such a thing, Eileen warned him to be cautious.

“You can’t accuse them until you’re sure!” she said, trying to be reasonable.  “You have to find out, first!”

“Don’t you worry!” he said, his eyes blazing, his voice low and angry.  “That’s exactly what I intend to do!”

“Be careful, love!” warned Eileen.  “Don’t give them any more fuel for their fire!”

When he told Donna, however, she was in no mood to be careful – she was determined to find out exactly what was going on, and no-one – but no-one - was going to stop her.

“We’re going over there!” she stormed.  “And you’re coming with me!  You’ve no reason to hide away!  Ask them why they did it!  Ask them why they saw fit to try and destroy you!”

“What about Rosie and Clare?  We can’t take them with us!”

“My mum said she’ll have them, while we go over there and sort things out!  Come on, we haven’t got time to waste!”

“Oh, Jesus, Donna!  Slow down, for goodness sake!  The way you carry on, you hardly have time to break wind, let alone anything else!”

“That’s something you never seem to have a problem with!” she retorted.  “Anyway, this is something that can’t wait – you can’t put this off, no matter how much you’d like to!”

As they pulled up outside Emily’s house, he looked anxiously at Donna, his face pleading.  He did not want to do this – he just wanted to turn around and go home. He looked scared, thought Donna, like a rabbit caught in a car’s headlights – wanting to run, but quite unable to.  Donna held protectively on to his arm, waiting for someone to answer the door.  It opened, and Emily’s father stood there, a look of utter disdain on his face.

“You’ve got a nerve!” he spat, his eyes darkening.  “Turning up here like this!  I don’t know how you can show your face around here after what you did to our daughter!  Have you no shame at all?!”

Donna held on to her temper with difficulty.  She glanced sideways at Jon, as he stood there holding his stomach – he had suddenly gone very pale.

“I don’t mean to be rude” he said. “but we can either come in and sort this out, or I can pass out on your doorstep – it’s up to you!”

Reluctantly, he stood to one side, and gestured for them to come in.  Emily’s mother began to protest, but Donna soon silenced her.

“Please!” she said, glaring at her.  “Just let him sit down, can’t you?  Can’t you see he’s in pain?  He’s been in hospital for a week with appendicitis!  This is the last thing he needs!”

Emily’s mother opened her mouth to protest, but her words were left unsaid as Emily suddenly appeared.  Her reaction when she saw Jon was something none of them could ever have predicted.  She wheeled her chair right over to him, and, leaning over as close as she could get, she burst into violent, angry tears.  With all the strength she had, she tipped her wheelchair to one side, and hurled herself on to the sofa, almost landing on top of him.  Ignoring his cry of pain, she began to pummel his chest with her fists, launching into a tirade of bitter accusations.

“I hate you!” she yelled, as he tried in vain to push her away, he felt like his stomach was on fire.  “I hate you!  Why did you run away when I saw you?  I only wanted to talk to you, but you ran away!  You said you loved me! You told me you were my friend! If you were my friend, you would have come to me!  I called you, and called you – but you wouldn’t come!   You promised me you wouldn’t hurt me, but you did! You did hurt me!  You broke your promise – you broke it!  You said you’d never leave me, but you did!  You did!  I hate you!  I hate you….”

“Emily, please!” 
  

He was sobbing by now, the pain and anger she had just directed at him had stunned him beyond belief.  He held her at arms length, trying to calm her down, but she struggled to push him away.  She was beyond reasoning with – to her, this was just one rejection too many.

“Emily, I never meant to hurt you!” he wept, holding her face in his hands, gently stroking her hair.  “I swear I never meant to hurt you!  I sent you a letter, trying to explain why I did it!  I still want to be your friend – please, Emily – please!”

“You didn’t send me a letter!” she sobbed, tears flooding down her cheeks, her heart heavy with a pain he would never know.  “You didn’t!  You shouldn’t tell lies!  You shouldn’t…”

“I did!” he said, now completely beside himself.  “I swear to God, Emily, I sent you a letter!  Look at me, and tell me – Emily, look at me!  Have I ever told you a lie?  Have I?”

“No” she said, turning to look at her mother.  “but I didn’t see a letter!  Where’s Jon’s letter, mummy?  I want to read it!  Where is it, mummy?”

She seized on her mother’s hesitation, and, suddenly everything fell into place.  She just stared at her mother, her eyes silently asking why.  Her mother did not answer her, there was no answer she could give her, that could ever fully justify what she and her father had done.