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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Three accounts of events - part 13 (b)
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Extended Work
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| Three accounts of events - part 13 (b) | |
| By teddy | ||||||||
| 29 April 2007 | ||||||||
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Paul’s already in the pub when I arrive. He’s sitting at a table with a glass half filled with a brownish clear liquid - Scotch I assume, it’s his favourite drink - in front of him, his eyes guarding the door. He smiles mildly when he sees me, and leans across the table when I sit down on the chair opposite, his lips reaching for mine, but I turn my face and they land on my cheek instead. A young man sporting a pair of black trousers and same colour shirt materialises next to us and asks me if I would like a drink. ‘A glass of orange juice, please.’ He notes the order down in his notebook. ‘Sir?’ he turns to Paul. ‘I’m all right at the moment, thanks.’ The guy asks us if we’ll be ordering food as well. Paul looks at me and I shake my head. ‘Not for me, thanks.’ My stomach feels already like a nest of nerves, humming fretful tunes. Few moments of silence loiter above the table after the waiter leaves. Thoughts are hurling words into my mouth, but they get stuck to my tongue and my tighten lips keep them imprisoned in there. ‘Are you ok?’ Paul finally decides to speak, and now I’ve got no choice but to open my mouth and the words hurdle out like a herd of eager horses escaping the stable. ‘Paul, we can’t carry on like this anymore. It’s not right, it’s not fair.’ ‘Not fair for whom?’ he asks. His voice appears calm, but I can sense anger roaring behind the words. ‘For George…for Joanne.’ I have to congratulate myself, I’ve just found a honourable way of bringing up what’s been grinding me inside for the last few days. I think he’s just about to deny again any unorthodox business with Joanne, but my sceptical eyes change his mind. He knows I know, there’s no point in lying. ‘Ok, I admit, I’ve been seeing Joanne. Only casually though. I had been going out with her already when I found out about you and Vicky.’ ‘But you lied. I asked you and you told me she was just a friend.’ ‘It’s all right for you to talk, Adi, isn’t it? You have me to entertain yourself with, and George waiting for you at home, you’ve got the best of both worlds, haven’t you?’ His voice is rising and I look around uncomfortable. I can see people sitting nearby cocking their heads, trying to catch up with our conversation. ‘Have you got any idea how I feel knowing that every time you leave me you go back to him? And that he’s bringing up my daughter when I should be the one there for her?’ I lower my eyes onto the glass in front of me, which glitters a smile when the shy sunbeam perking through the dusty window touches it. When I look up again the sunlight shifts as well and it’s now playing colourful games with the green of Paul’s eyes. Narrowed, darting intense green looks at me, his eyes remind me of a hungry feline lying in wait for its prey. Shall I be worried? ‘Why can’t you do the right thing for once?’ he carries on. ‘Leave him, take Vicky and come and live with me. Everything would be sorted then’ It pains me to know that he suffers. But I can’t do what he asks me. I love him, I really do, with all my heart. But George means the world to me. What am I suppose to do? Thank George for being so good to me, to us from day one? But tell him that now Paul’s back on the scene, we don’t need him anymore? What would that make me? I’m sorry, Paul, I can’t do it. ‘Don’t tell me. Huh!’ Paul looks away and shakes his head, and his face attempts a derisive, grouchy smile. He picks up his glass and empties it with a single gulp. ‘You love him, you told me. So much it didn’t stop you from jumping in bed with me.’ He says it really loud and few heads are turning in our direction. ‘What would your precious George say if he knew that, eh?’ ‘Paul, please, keep your voice down!’ I’m hissing at him embarrassed. ‘Don’t fucking patronise me.’ The anger’s out in the open now and the elderly couple having their lunch at the table next to us are throwing him an offended look. Will you mind your language, please? is written all over their faces. Paul stares at them, immobile face, incensed eyes, and they coward back to their plates without saying a single word. He suddenly stands up and digs his hand in his pocket. He fishes out a twenty pounds note and chucks it on the table. ‘You know what, Adi? Do whatever you please. I’ve had enough of your stupid little games.’ My eyes follow him as he walks out without saying good bye, without turning around. I bow my head and stare at the drink in front of me, trying to ignore the pity that overflows from the tables around. ‘Are you ok, miss?’ someone’s asking. I lift my eyes and there’s the guy that has served us, looking at me sympathetically. ‘Yes, thank you,’ I try to award his concern with a smile. I pick up the money left behind by Paul and hand it to him. ‘You can keep the change.’ His mouth smiles widely. ‘Thank you, miss.’ Well, at least someone’s happy. * I hear noises coming from inside the flat when I put the key in the door lock. I’m sure I switched the TV off before I left. I walk in and head for the living room. George’s stretched out on the sofa, staring at the plasma screen hung on the opposite wall. The news channel is on, but I’m not sure if George’s watching, his eyes look somehow unfocussed. ‘Hey,’ he says when he sees me. ‘Hi.’ I smile an anxious, guilty smile. I certainly didn’t expect to find him home. ‘I thought you were going to see your dad today.’ ‘The motorway’s shut, an accident I think. I heard it on the radio before we left London so I turned around. I didn’t really fancy being stuck in traffic with Vicky in the car.’ ‘Where is she?’ ‘Upstairs sleeping. Where have you been?’ The question doesn’t sound like a demand for an explanation, his tone is casual, unruffled. ‘I needed a break and I thought I’d go and see Tina.’ The words come easily, and this time, they don’t bring blushing additions to my cheeks. ‘Is she all right?’ George’s voice sounds somehow tired, and I look at him and think that perhaps I should’ve stopped him from going out today. He’s been working really hard for the last couple of months, he needs to rest. ‘I dunno, she wasn’t at home.’ ‘Oh ok.’ I sit down on the sofa next to him and I’m waiting for his arm to wrap around me as it’d usually do so I can cuddle up to him and reassure myself that everything’s gonna be all right from now on. But his hands are stuck in his pockets and show no intention of moving. One of them does eventually when he tells me there’s a message for me on the answering machine. Before I manage to say anything, he leans over to the side table and presses the replay button. ‘Hey girl, I heard you’ve been working hard today,’ Tina’s voice fills the room and I instantly regret the lie. ‘Listen, I finished the book you’ve been asking for, George’s bringing it home to you, but make sure you give it straight back once you’ve read it ‘cos I’ve promised it to Emma as well. I’m really glad George brought Vicky around today ‘cos I hadn’t seen her at all this week – blimey, doesn’t she grow fast? Anyway, we’re expecting you all for dinner tomorrow afternoon. Take care, sweetheart.’ I stare at the phone and then slowly move my eyes to George. He’s looking at me and now I see it’s not tiredness I spotted earlier on his face, it’s pain. He knows. ‘I think we need to talk, Adi.’ My stomach flutters and I feel almost sick. What have I done? ‘I want you to leave.’ No, no, he can’t possibly mean that. Please George, please, I know you’re upset, but Paul and I are finished now, we can sort things out. The words are stubbornly refusing to come out though, and I feel my eyes frustratingly filling up with tears. George stands up and moves to the window. He’s staring outside through the glass. ‘I always knew it was going to happen. Ever since Paul had come to see you at the hospital. But there’d been always a hope that you might….might stick with me. How foolish!’ He’s mocking a laugh. ‘Until a few weeks ago I really thought you would, but then you suddenly changed. There’d been so many signs but I refused, stupidly of course, to acknowledge them: you going out on your own a lot – before you had always swayed me to escort you whenever you had to go shopping or see Tina, and had never left Vicky behind. Sometimes I could smell alcohol on your breath when you were back home. I know you wouldn’t drink especially when driving, unless someone made you to. The only one who has that influence on you is Paul. ‘ His shoulders drop as he slides his hands in his pockets. There’s so much anguish in his voice it almost makes me physically ache. ‘You know,’ he carries on, ‘there was also a strange, different smell about you, not the familiar one I used to fill my lungs with every time I was holding you, that unique smell of the person you love that gives a feeling of belonging and warmth. It was kind of irritating, I even asked you once if you’d changed your perfume, remember? But now I know,’ he laughs ironically, ‘it was Paul’s aftershave all along, I should’ve recollected it sooner.’ I’m agonising, but I can’t stop him. He has to let it all come out. ‘You’re such a bad liar, Adi, I could see you so many times struggleing to explain things, your absence from home, ignored or unreturned calls, you’d always tried so hard, too hard perhaps. You didn’t sound like you anymore. You know what the worst bit is though? The one that had actually brought me back to reality, made me see things for what they are. You’d been very agitated for the last few days and I kept watching you, wishing you’d shared with me whatever was bothering you as you’d always used to. I was too frightened to ask myself. And suddenly this morning you looked more relaxed and I understood why when I spotted the box of sanitary towels open in the bathroom. I thought your period had been a bit late. And I knew I couldn’t have been the one that had made you worry so much because if I had been, I know you would’ve told me.’ ‘I’m so sorry,’ I whisper. I don’t know what else to say. He doesn’t answer that. ‘You don’t need to take all your things today. I can send them to you later.’ He wants me to go now? No, I can’t do that. ‘But I don’t want to leave, George. I love you.’ He turns around and walks back to where I am. He sits down beside me and takes my hand into his ‘I know you do, honey, I know.’ He smiles warmly while brushing away the tears freely rolling down on my face. ‘But you love him more. And I can’t share you with anyone.’ ‘But it’s all over between me and Paul. We can put things behind us, start again,’ I make another attempt to make him reconsider. He laughs bitterly. ‘You’re so naïve sometimes, Adi. It’s all over until when? Next time? Paul’s not going to give up on you. I know him well. And trust me, he always gets what he wants. You’ll never be able to fight him no matter how much you care about me.’ He pauses for a second and looks at my hand gripped into his. He’s not smiling anymore. ‘I always felt that our relationship was special, and I know it had been in many ways. But there’s something, I can’t tell you exactly what it is, some kind of wildness about you that I could never quite understand, something that I know I’d never be able to fulfil. Paul is though, perhaps the only one who can.’ He gets up and holds his hand out to help me getting up as well. ‘I’ll speak to Tina while you’re packing. I think it’d be best if you stayed at hers tonight.’ His voice is composed and determined, and I know there’s nothing in the world that could make him change his mind. ‘Let Vicky stay here tonight, she’s had a busy day already, and you also need some rest. I’ll take her to Tina’s tomorrow afternoon when I’ll drop the rest of your stuff and the car. You can’t possibly drive at the moment. Tell me when you’re ready and I call you a cab.’ I watch him walking towards the door. The sobs I’ve had trapped in my chest are no longer obeying and they’re hasting out loudly. He turns around, moves back to where I’m standing and takes me into his arm, hugging me tightly. He kisses my hair. ‘I have to let you go, honey, you have to understand me’ he whisper softly in my ear. ‘You’d start hating me if I didn’t and that would make me feel even worse.’ * I’m in the cab on my way to Tina's and I can’t stop crying. What am I going to do? The cab driver keeps throwing me pity looks in the mirror, but he doesn’t say anything and I’m grateful for that. My phone starts ringing in my handbag. I dip my hand in it, grab the phone quickly and answer the call without even looking at the screen. It must be George, he’s had a change of heart, in a second he’ll ask me to turn around and go back home. ‘Hello?’ ‘Adi, it’s me. I’m really sorry for today.’ It’s not George, it’s Paul. ‘Adi?’ he asks when there’s no answer from my end. I sigh, and a sniffle escapes and makes its way through the line. ‘Adi, what happened?’ Paul asks worried. ‘Sweetheart, please, talk to me.’ ‘He …knows,’ I whimper. ‘He’s …just…dumped me.’ ‘Where are you now?’ Paul wants to know. ‘On …my…way to Tina's.’ God, I really need a tissue. ‘Listen, go there and wait for me. I’ll come and pick you up as soon as I can.’ ‘No, I want to be on my own.’ My blocked nose makes me gasp for air. ‘No, you don’t.’ He says it quite harshly, then his voice mellows again. ‘Please, sweetheart, don’t be upset. I’ll make it all all right for you, I promise.’
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