Chapter 31

As he hurried down the drive, blinded by tears, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.  He turned around to see Emily’s mother.

“Don’t touch me!” he yelled, pushing her hand away.  “Just stay as far away from me as possible!”

“Let me explain!” she began, but he would not let her finish.
 

“You have got nothing to say that I want to hear!” he said, pointing an accusing finger at her.  “You can never justify what you’ve done!  I really don’t know how you manage to sleep at nights!  Please, leave me alone – before I say something I really regret!”

With that, he climbed into his car, and slammed the door with such force that it nearly parted company with its hinges.  He sat there for a moment, until he had calmed down sufficiently to drive safely, then he started up the car, and drove away, without looking back.

As soon as he walked into the living room, Donna could tell something was badly wrong.  She had known him long enough now to know when something was on his mind, and even Rosie seemed to sense that all was not well.

“What’s the matter, daddy?” she said, climbing on to the sofa next to him, and putting her arms around his neck.  “Why are you sad?”

“Nothing’s the matter, Rosie!” he said, desperately trying to smile for her sake.  “I’m just tired, that’s all!”

“Go to sleep, then!” said Rosie, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“I can’t!” he replied, hoping she didn’t notice the tremor in his voice.  “I’m finding it hard to go to sleep at the moment!”

Suddenly, as though she had just thought of something, she got down from the sofa and went over to the pile of toys on the floor. She came back carrying the teddy bear she always took to bed with her – the yellow one that Jon had bought when he first found out Donna was pregnant.  She held it out to him, saying:

“You have teddy tonight, daddy!  Teddy help me sleep, so teddy help you sleep!”

“Thank you, sweetheart!” he said, holding the little bear to his face.  “I’m sure he will!”

“Want a cuddle, daddy?” she said, her little face a picture of concern.

“Yes, Rosie.  I could really do with a cuddle right now!”

As he felt her tiny arms creep around his neck, and her warm little body nestle against his, his fragile defences suddenly crumbled, and he hid his face in her soft, downy hair, crying as if his heart would break.  This proved to be too much for Rosie, she hated it if mummy or daddy were upset.

“Stop it, daddy!” she said, beginning to cry herself.  “Stop crying, daddy!  I don’t like it!”

Donna decided to intervene.  She picked Rosie up, and comforted her as best she could, trying to reassure her that daddy would be all right once he had had a good night’s sleep – he was just crying because he was tired.  She took one look at the little girl’s rapidly drooping eyelids, and decided that she could do with a sleep herself, and took her upstairs to her bed, where, within minutes, she fell asleep.  When she came back downstairs, she sat down on the sofa next to her husband, and, taking the teddy bear from his hand, she said:

“From the looks of you, I think it’s going to take more than this teddy bear to help you sleep!  Come on, what’s happened?  Is she still not speaking to you?  She will – one day, give her time!”

“There’s no more time!” he said, utterly distraught.  “She’s gone, Donna!  Her mother reckons she can’t cope with a handicapped child, so she’s put her back into that home! I shudder to think what this will do to her!”

“I don’t believe it!”   Donna’s voice was a whisper.  “After all they said to you!  All those things they said about wanting to protect her, stop her getting too close to you in case she got hurt!  Then they go and do exactly that!”

“It’s hopeless now, Donna!  What chance have I got now?”

“You could always visit her at the home, like you did before!  I’m sure they’d make you welcome!”

“Yes” he said, doubtfully.  “but would Emily?”

“Only one way to find out!”

“Well!” said the doctor, as he walked through the large double doors.  “Long time no see!  I take it you’re here to see Emily?”

“Yes, if that’s all right with you?”

“It’s fine with me!  Don’t expect too much, though!  She hasn’t said a word since she got here!  It’s just like before – it’s heartbreaking!”

“I’m not giving up on her!” he said  “even if her parents have!  She deserves the same as any other child – someone to love her. That’s every child’s basic right – to have someone who loves them!  I love her – and I’m not walking away from her now!”

The doctor looked at him, with tears in her eyes.  She took his hand in hers, and spoke softly to him.

“This won’t be easy, you know.  That little girl has suffered more rejection in her short time than most people have in their entire lives!  I really admire your devotion to her.  You have a heart of gold, my dear – I just don’t want to see it broken!”

“It won’t be the first time!” he said.  “Don’t worry – I realise it won’t be a walk in the park, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take!”

The doctor led him along the corridors to the large room where he had first met Emily all that time ago.  Even now, the other children’s faces lit up with recognition when they saw him.  They gathered around him, all competing for his attention – all except Emily.  He decided not to push his luck to begin with, so he sat down on the floor with the other children, talking to them, playing games, even sharing a few jokes.  They begged him to sing for them, and they listened, entranced, as that golden voice that brought untold joy to so many people, filled the room once again.  He looked over at Emily, who sat there on a bean bag, with the same expression on her face that she had had when he first met her.  So much had happened since then, and yet, here they were right where they started.  As the other aides came into the room, and took the children one by one into the dining hall, he was left alone with Emily.  He took a seat next to her, and took her hand in his – he flinched as she pushed it away.

“Don’t, Emily!” he said, his voice shaking, his eyes filling with tears.  “Don’t push me away!  Even if you don’t want to talk to me – please, listen!  I can’t even begin to imagine how much you’re hurting right now, you probably think that nobody cares – but that’s not true!  I care!  I love you so much, Emily, and I know Donna does, too!  The two people who should have loved you most let you down, and you can’t forgive them, they’ve hurt you too much!  You probably think I’ll let you down, too – you don’t trust anyone!  I know you won’t believe me when I say I’ll never let you down, that I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me!  Don’t shut me out, Emily, please!  Let me love you, and see if you can find it in your heart to let yourself love me!”

She remained staring straight ahead – he did not even know for sure if she had been listening to a single word he had said. He saw a fleeting glimpse of tears in her eyes, and she looked at him for one brief moment, then she looked away again.

“I can understand why you don’t want to trust me, Emily!” he said, dangerously close to tears.  “Just give me a chance!   Please, Emily, please….”

There was still nothing.  Her blue eyes were lifeless, her face completely expressionless – she reached out and pushed his hand away.

“Do you want me to go, Emily?” he said, choking back the tears.  “Your friends are coming back now!  I’ll do whatever you want!  Just tell me to go, and I will!  Promise me one thing – that you’ll never forget me!  I know I’ll never forget you!”

When she did not answer, he slowly got up from the floor, and began to walk away, ignoring the concerned stares of the other children.  He was just about to walk out of the door, when he heard someone begin to sing - a child’s voice – as sweet and pure as birdsong.

‘You’ll remember me, when the west moves upon the fields of barley, you’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky…..’

He slowly turned around to see Emily, a beatific smile on her face, holding out her arms to him.  He hurried back to her, and, taking her in his arms, he held her as tightly as he dared, quite unable to speak, his whole body shaking with silent, but uncontrollable sobs.  He had not dared to hope for this, but it had happened – he had broken through the barrier she had put up all around her – he had got her back at last.