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Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 30th April 2007 |
I can't help but wonder if this was a good time to post a piece like this, given that one of your fellow Americans has just been on a killing spree. I've had a go at dark literature myself, and was fairly happy with this until you started ripping babies from wombs. Still, given that you list two of your hobbies as death and killers!!
I will defer to someone elses better judgement on this, but welcome aboard anyway.
Best wishes
steve. |
Written by fellpony (1575 comments posted) 30th April 2007 |
| OK, I must be common. Tisn't for me. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3295 comments posted) 30th April 2007 |
Probably a bit too common for it, too. I commend your effort at getting it all down on paper and hope to God you don't have access to fire-arms
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Yuk
Written by Asferthecat (824 comments posted) 30th April 2007 |
The writing is a bit too stark for classic horror, it should be more poetic, like the first paragraph.
It would be more morally satisfying for me if he wasn't enjoying what I assume is his punishment to be buried inside the corpse.
Great imagination.
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You yourself suggested
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 30th April 2007 |
what we should call you
i would not argue with that .
patterjack |
Necropsy
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 1st May 2007 |
Hi Vlad and welcome to the site.
I feel this is a well written work, but not really to my liking. Maybe you wrote it to try and shock other site users?
You have attempted to put yourself in the mind of a sick, perverted killer and I think you have done it quite well, but a little OTT. In my work (before retiring) I came across hundreds of murderers and sex offenders - but yours surely takes the prize for downright horrific self obsessed confessions. I sometimes read the works of Dean Koontz, Frank Herbert and other similer types of authors, but even Koontz pales into insignificance against your work. I hope to see more of your, perhaps less shocking, works. Good luck
Cliff
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Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 1st May 2007 |
There's horror and there's horror. I felt that this was written, not so much to horrify, but to shock. Some of the old films are hide-behind-the-sofa horrifying without a drop of blood, where the teenage slasher pics are more about shock tactics.
I suspect that the audience (and publishers) for horror is larger than for shock.
Whilst this story, and to be honest, the genre, are not for me, you show talent with words, particularly in the openening and ending. |
Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 1st May 2007 |
not my kind of genre either and agree with snodders..it's shocking rather than suspenseful and frightening but you do have a gift for good flowing wiriting.
i did think the baby's head being cracked like an egg most original...yes pretty sick stuff..makes me worry about the state of mind of the author actually.  |
Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 1st May 2007 |
Hi Vlad. Welcome.
I don't have a problem with shock/schlock horror.
But to review? Well!
Generally it's well written but you've inserted some phrases that take away from the story.
"You could call me sick, you could call me deranged." A better phrase might be "People call me sick, the press call me deranged"
"The urge to kill overcomes my morality." What morality? Leave it out.
"My necrophilia resistance always grows thin and bare." I know what you're trying to say but it's better to imply than a clumsy phrase
"Humanity fell to pieces." This piece is written in the first person. This phrase doesn't fit at all.
"My life is at orgasm". Oh, please!!
Other than that. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Regards
Wltshr
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Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 1st May 2007 |
I have to agree, this is a bit much for me. The writing itself isn't bad, though. I'd be interested to see what you'd do with a more subtle piece, but to each his own.
~Claire |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 2nd May 2007 |
Not for me either. I just don't see the point in cheap shock tactics when it doesn't go any deeper than what you see on the surface.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 6th May 2007 |
With Elli and Wltshr on this. I don't have a problem with shock tactics, but in this case, to what end? Franed in context, this could be grusome but effective.
I agree with all the points Wltshr made. Often a third party with no attachment to the work can see things the writer can't.
Phil. |
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