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Poetry
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A Child Of Tomorrow
By Nance
04 May 2007

Hello! I am here again. I do love the site and all the members who create this inimitable atmosphere. For me it is incredibly important. I put my works here for you to review them. I want to know what you think. Please leave your comments! I will appreciate that.

I am a child of tomorrow
Who strives to make the grade.
My heart will not be burning out
When those of others fade.

I feel alone and insecure,
And still I have no fear;
I don’t know what awaits in future
For it might disappear.

I wish I brought my own heartstrings
In mighty vivid world.
I am an adult who’s mature.
Please be my helper, Lord.

You make me climb when I am falling;
For nothing should I pay
As I’m a child of tomorrow
Who flourishes today.

2007

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 4th May 2007
Sweet and optimistic poem. A nice contrast to much of the gloomy stuff many of us (myself included) seem to be writing nowadays. 
The third stanza didn't flow too well, but the others were nice. :)
Hi-Nance
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 5th May 2007
I always feel that unless it serves a purpose not to, if you have a rhyme schema you should stick to it. 
 
V1 ABCB 
V2 ABA?B 
V3 ABC B? 
V4 ABCA 
(?=weak rhyme.) 
 
Sometime it is better to abandon rhyme if it serves no useful purpose, 
 
Brian.
Thanks for your reviews!
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 5th May 2007
Fledermaus - I really thank you for your kind words concerning my verse. The purpose of it was to seem bright an full of hope. 
 
BrianRobertNeal - Some people do not consider rhyme at all as they do not use it. I mean to say, it can be very hard to express all of your thoughts and to achieve a perfect rhyme scheme. That's what everyone of us strives after. 
Nevertheless, what do you think of the poem in general? :)
Hi N
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 5th May 2007
Are you implying that in the future you could be saying 
 
"I was so much older then I'm younger than that now"? 
 
(Bob Dylan.) 
 
I found it interesting for it is difficult to capture a metaphysical feeling as opposed to a physical one e.g. hurt, love, hate etc. 
 
I wanted to re-write one line. 
 
"When ones of people fade." 
 
When those of others fade. 
 
Back to rhyme AABB tends to break verses into couplets. 
 
ABAB tends to tie the lines together and gives a smoother read. 
 
However irregular occasional rhyme tends to halt the reading.  
 
Thats why I think (and so the thought has little value) That you should avoid it. 
 
Brian  
 
 
to Brian
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 6th May 2007
Brian, 
 
I like the idea of re-writing the line. Could I use the one you offered? 
 
Nance.
Hi Nance
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 6th May 2007
Nance 
 
Please do, 
 
Brian

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