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By Fledermaus
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04 May 2007 |
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She spreads her eagle's wings
Her piercing claws draw blood
It's vengeance what she sings
She is a raging god
The sisters of doom rise
Thou, oathbreaker beware
For they will have their prize
No liar they spare |
Different
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 4th May 2007 | to your usual stuff, although the politics are still there.
Suggest you add a word to the last line, as it seems too short to me (but then I'm no poet!) No liar shall they spare, perhaps.
Like it though, fantasy style Gods, good stuff.
Steve. | Watto Batty
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 5th May 2007 | Sounds like the Mods on another Web-Site. Isn't that right Wilty?
Seriously I'd have been tempted to have kept the whole "Plural" e.g. They spread their Eagle Claws"
Then there is a continuity between the two verses.
Brian
| Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 5th May 2007 | | I like this. It is full of anger and threats. No one could accuse you of being laid back in your opinions. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 5th May 2007 | Thanks ST, Brian and Jean.
It's of course about the mythological Furies (Erinyes), the goddesses of vengeance.
ST: I'll change that line to a future tense, so it has enough syllables.
Brian: I thought about that too when I reread it. Or maybe all in singular...
Jean: Thanks. Considering their image and suposed deeds, they were terrible dieties for those who had reason to fear them.
I suddenly thought of this after seeing a film about Alexandre Dumas' "Count of Monte Christo". The main character, although mortal and male reminded me of these divine avengers. | Powerful
Written by AnnieSeed (128 comments posted) 8th May 2007 | I found the imagery very powerful and it reminded me a bit of Ted Hughes, for some reason.
I think I would change "what she sings" to "that she sings" though. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 9th May 2007 | Thanks Annie.  | love it
Written by onlyhattie (9 comments posted) 8th June 2007 | i love all the mythologcal references, very powerful piece.
well done. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 11th June 2007 | | Thanks onlyhattie |
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