A Secret Wedding Guest - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Poetry > A Secret Wedding Guest

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Disjointed by ellipinnock Death of a Writer by hutmaster A Story In A Poem by B.D. Airport Lounge by sahewitt This Glam Rock Nation by CarlHalling A work memory by RossFlinches The Wolf Girl by pandaclaws Pamunkey by sahewitt Shuckie. by philkent Politics by Orlock

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1936 guests online and 3 members online fellpony Hellcat no1butClo Reynaerde

WHO'S ONLINE

fellpony

Hellcat

no1butClo

Reynaerde

Poetry


print friendly version
A Secret Wedding Guest

By kitten_princess

06 May 2007

I was at my parents' wedding, a secret guest, an unwanted guest.
Turns out that the Catholic church opposes abortion...
If they didn't, I might not have made it to write this little offering!

As usual, I would love comments. Please! :D

a Catholic wedding is held in August's bloom.

the church stands before the bride,
towering and majestic,
eager to welcome her
to its close embrace.

the dying embers of summer
bathe her in the warmest shades of
sunset pink and orange as

she looks to her father
and grips his arm
and smiles at him,

before the years
can overcome her with marriage,
before he can see
she's afraid.

she holds a bouquet close to her,
as she shuffles along that aisle

watching all the eyes
of guests

guests with loving eyes

but sharp tongues
that tell the gossip
that shameful secret
that the bride tries to conceal

those words are
stinging her ears,
prickling at her eyes

but she breathes in deep.

and inches forward

towards the priest
the altar
the cross

she holds her bouquet closer and
closer to her waist

to try to vainly hide
the child within.

Reviews

thoughtful
Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 7th May 2007

I thought your introduction was itself very powerful! "I was at my parents' wedding, a secret guest." Almost more powerful than the title, which is curious.

"the dying embers of summer"
- do they add to the whole? I think you could prune here - which would lose the odd "as" at the end of the third line of that stanza.

"she holds her bouquet closer and
closer to her waist

to try to vainly hide
the child within."

Your lines suggest to me that there are two children - the one unborn, and the one who's the bride herself. I think by saying less you could imply both and the poem would be stronger for it.

I think a lot of women would empathise (I can!) with the content of this poem!

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 7th May 2007

I liked your introduction too, and thought that it was intriguing. I can't do better than Sue's (fellpony's) review -- all her points are valid. I like the image of two children -- the bride and her unborn child.

A bouquet, huh? I'd have needed an entire tree.

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 7th May 2007

I too liked the introduction. FP seems to have made a pretty thorough crit so -

Just to say, I liked the idea and delivery. It might be interesting to retry this incorporating the idea in the intro.
Phil

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 9th May 2007

With the others really. A pretty powerful idea. As is, it's in need of some condensing. I think the point about the contrast between an unborn child and a childlike? bride is the crux of this and you could make more of that. Interesting.

Elli

stop being so obvious!
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 9th May 2007

oops..
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 9th May 2007

ahem, as I was saying

lose the last two lines, you really don't need them. It's gorgeous hun, I'm glad you managed to find some way to write about her that isn't...well, you know what I mean. Keep squashing them into little poem-shaped parcels and you might get somewhere :grin

lovelove x

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item