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Not News
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QUEEN IS TIMELORD SHOCKER!
By Talisker
09 May 2007
It what was thought to be another Bush gaffe – but sources close to the palace were scurrying for cover today as the real truth about the Queen’s age emerged.  The “Real Truth” can exclusively reveal:

 

 

THE QUEEN IS OVER 250 YEARS OLD and visited America in 1776!

 

Bush’s “wink” was a knowing one – HE IS IN ON THE SECRET!

 

The monarch HAD AN AFFAIR WITH JOHN HANSON the US’s first president!

 

She is a TIME LORD and TRAVELS THROUGH THE CENTURIES!

 

The CIA and MI9 are trying to ISOLATE THE QUEEN’S TIMELORD GENE!

 

The Queen Mother is not dead SHE RUNS A B&B IN BRIDLINGTON!

 

Princess Diana was murdered FOR GETTING TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH!

 

The Queen HAS ALREADY RECORDED CHRISTMAS MESSAGES UP UNTIL 2976!

 

The Duke of Edinburgh WAS “THE MASTER” – BUT FELL UNDER HER SPELL!

 

THE CORGIES ARE ADAPTED DALEKS!

 

It is TRUE – CHARLES WILL NEVER BE KING!

 

The Queen CONSUMED THE CORPSE OF THE LAST POPE TO RESTORE HER TIMELORD POWERS!

 

Conspiracy theorists and Royal correspondents were eager to deny the blatant truths which were seeping from the Royal tardis today. A Palace spokesman was quoted as saying:

 

“EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!!!”

 

Oli 09/05/07

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 9th May 2007
Have you been at the waccy baccy again? What a wonderful bit of surreal nonsense. I was wondering if there was a sketch in that interchange with Madge and Bush but I'm glad I left to you. I wouldn't have come close to this. It started of crazy and just got crazier. I loved the way you pulled in all the other stuff with your pschotic logic.I'm a little wary of the word zany but I think it fits the bill,here. 
Of course now you mention it, it all makes perfect sense! 
cheers 
Jane 

Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 9th May 2007
Be careful, now you've let the cat out of the bag you'll have MI5 round confiscating your computer. 
Good fun! 
Lizzy

Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 9th May 2007
I think you've invented a good Dr Who monster here. I can just see an army of Royal corgis traveling the universe exterminating anyone who gets in their way. 
 
A great piece of surreal lunacy. 
 
Cheers

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 9th May 2007
Enjoyed Oli. Time Lord or not - she and all the scrounging hangers on are still a waste of space.  
 
Surreal. Especially: The Queen CONSUMED THE CORPSE OF THE LAST POPE TO RESTORE HER TIMELORD POWERS!  
 
Good stuff. 
 
Phil.

Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 9th May 2007
Everything becomes clear - Jon Pertwee was a queen, Wurzel Gummidge was a gay scarecrow who frightened jackdaws by undermining their masculinity, and Prince Philip masterminded the fatal road accident of Roger Delgado before assuming his identity. No need to hide behind the sofa any more. Very enjoyable, Oli.

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 11th May 2007
Watched a little too much Doctor Who? I think few people can get away with so much nonsense, but you just did.
If it`s in the papers...
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 15th May 2007
You nearly had me believing this Oli until I discovered that the owner of `The Real Truth` is a certain Mohamed Al Fayed....

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