Again, blame my heart and mind for this one. I know, it sucks. I was going to send it to someone. Do you believe in me?
Do you believe I exist?
Do you hate me?
*
Will you forget me?
Can you feel the pain?
The pain that you cause?
*
I don't want you to love me,
I can't feel anything...
I don't want anything from you.
*
Please hate me,
Please forget me,
Hate is a good thing.
*
If you forget me,
I will forget you,
That's a promise.
*
Don't believe in me...
Don't believe I exist...
Don't feel the pain...
Don't love me...
Don't feel anything for me. |
Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 9th May 2007 | Now sometimes you've got to write this stuff but equally sometimes you've got to bin it afterwards and move on.
If you think it sucks, then perhaps think twice about posting it and go write something else that you feel good about.
Elli |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 9th May 2007 | As this is posted, I assume you want a review. I've tried twice and deleted. I think Elli has said it perfectly - so ditto.
Phil.
|
Written by bloodange77 (38 comments posted) 15th May 2007 | | thank you. i don't need reviews though, phil...i like to post the things i write to make me happy. |
Written by Blackout (2 comments posted) 21st May 2007 | Possibly intrusive and is completly my own opinion and I'm not trying to declare it as otherwise, If asked I would gladly my hands and say ok, I was wrong.
I know I'm new here, but I must say I disagree, with the authors comment and the current reviews, personally I see the self-proclamation of “sucky-ness” as merely defensive mechanism against rejection, which from the subject matter of the poem, and the other proclamation of being from the heart and mind is a large factor in the writer.
I find it interesting the way the poem evolves this time to begin with it starts by declaring questions, for the first two verses it does this, first it asks for opinions of whoever its aimed on, with Do's Do you hate me? Obviously pushing forward the title there.
It then progresses onto question about actions, physically, will you forget, will it hurt, asking in sincerity if the target feels anything.
From here it moves away from the questions on to the I's for a verse, declaring what the author wishes, what they're goals and motives are from it, what they want to overcome, maybe even asking people to help them achieve this, from here is the first tell of desperation, pleading with pleases, now it points out that if you do as asked, you shouldn't feel bad as its a “good thing.”
The next ones a interesting one, I really don't know whether its meant to be a threat of malice, or whether it truly is a sincere promise, saying if you can move on well I will have to.
From there it comes full circle going in opposite of the Do's and adding Don'ts, so really we have the Do's and Don'ts here, also you would notice that each of the don'ts are the do questions reversed.
The last line: Don't feel anything for me. Is powerful and effective, I'd say all in all its a strong emotional poem punching forward with up most aggression the point.
Now I don't want to be seen as putting somone down, personally, I would never place somthing so emotionally strong in the public, but doing so I think signifys courage, regardless of the defences in place and as a poem, I enjoyed this, I think it is really good, it comes through with definitive start and ending pushing a strong message across and I adore it.
Hope review is liked. 
Blackout | Move on
Written by goingtothedogs (58 comments posted) 22nd May 2007 | | It's not worth it... really. Move on | Better to be writing than cutting one's
Written by ArlingtonRoth (6 comments posted) 24th May 2007 | Catchy title.
Poem: Adolescent expressions of adolescent interpersonal drama. Time will make it all better (on both levels). |
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