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Comedy
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| quick sketch please review folks! | |
| By cforce | ||||||||||||||
| 09 May 2007 | ||||||||||||||
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i don't mess about A POLICE STATION. THE VICTIM OF A ROBBERY, SOMERSET IS OBSERVING LINE-UP, ANXIOUS TO HAND PICK HIS ASSAILANT. THE LINE-UP IS COMPRISED OF THREE MEN AND INEXPLICABLY A BANANA. POLICEMAN- Please take your time Mr Somerset, do you see your attacker here today? SOMERSET- It all happened so fast. POLICEMAN- I know, in your own time. SOMERSET CONTINUES TO CAREFULLY STUDY THE LINE-UP SOMERSET- Could you just ask them to face the other way? POLICEMAN- Can I ask you to all turn around please? THREE MEN TURN AROUND AS THE BANANA REMAINS STATIONARY. SOMERSET- Hmm, and just to the right please? POLICEMAN- Can everyone turn to your left please? THREE MEN TURN LEFT AS THE BANANA REMAINS STATIONARY. SOMERSET- Thank you. POLICEMAN- Has that shed any light? SOMERSET- I think It might have. POLICEMAN- In your own time, take as long as you need. SOMERSET- It’s all coming back now. POLICEMAN- You can remember something? SOMERSET- I think it was him, it was definitely him! (Pointing to the banana) POLICEMAN- Have you positively identified your attacker? SOMERSET- It was definitely him! (Pointing to the banana) POLICEMAN- The yellow one? SOMERSET- Yes 100 percent. POLICEMAN- Sir, may I remind you that’s just a banana? SOMERSET- That’s definitely him, I know it was dark but I’m certain. POLICEMAN- It’s a banana Sir, just a piece of fruit. SOMERSET- He’s a highly dangerous and sophisticated criminal, you’ve got to put him behind bars before he can terrorise anyone else! POLICEMAN- Sir it can’t possibly be a dangerous and sophisticated criminal, it couldn’t possibly hope to have the brainpower to construct and execute a crime of any description. SOMERSET- No, it was definitely him, he was wearing shades though. All I can think about was him shoving a gun in my face and demanding my wallet POLICEMAN- Sir, I believe you are mistaken, the banana can’t possibly be your assailant. SOMERSET- What do you mean? POLICEMAN- Well firstly it’s an inanimate object. It doesn’t have a voice so it couldn’t have demanded your wallet. SOMERSET- It does have a voice. POLICEMAN-It does? SOMERSET- Well of course it does! It had a broad Yorkshire accent, a bit like yours. POLICEMAN- Also you mention your attacker threatened you with a gun? SOMERSET- That’s right, yes. POLICEMAN- Well the banana doesn’t have any hands or similar appendages which would facilitate the use of a firearm. It wouldn’t physically be able to wield a gun SOMERSET- I’m not making it up! It was him, it was definitely him! I don’t see how not having any hands has anything to do with it. POLICEMAN- Ok Mr Somerset, just try to remain calm. SOMERSET- I just don’t think you should let him fool you. The fact that he is a banana does not detract from the fact that he is a cold and evil criminal, preying on the innocent and vulnerable! POLICEMAN- It’s ok Mr Somerset, you’re safe here, nothings going to happen to you. SOMERSET- Just don’t let him fool you. Once he had my wallet and my car keys he was running like the wind. POLICEMAN- But Sir, it can’t have run away, it doesn’t have any legs or similar anatomy which would serve for a quick escape.. SOMERSET- Just because he’s disabled doesn’t make him any less of a threat to society! By that rationale I suppose you’d think someone with a prosthetic limb isn’t capable of committing a crime purely because they have a disability? It’s exactly the same thing. POLICEMAN-This is ridiculous, it’s just a banana, it doesn’t even have a brain! Let alone the capacity to perform a crime. SOMERSET- Just put the bastard behind bars before he does it again! POLICEMAN- Ok,ok SOMERSET- It was definitely him. POLICEMAN- So you’re absolutely certain Mr Somerset categorically? SOMERSET- I’m certain! That’s your man. POLICEMAN- Right well I suppose I shall have to have a talk with him. SOMERSET- Well I hope he’s got a bloody good lawyer, he’s gonna need one! POLICEMAN- Well sadly for him being a banana and all, he isn’t entitled to legal representation, and his inability to speak or communicate by any means dictates he is not afforded the right to defend himself either. SOMERSET- That’s too bad. POLICEMAN-Yes SOMERSET-I’m not a resentful man, but the sooner we have this lunatic off the streets the better. POLICEMAN- Well he’s not going anywhere for a while. Can someone take the banana away please? AN OFFICER PICKS UP THE BANANA, PUTS HIM INTO A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS AND LEAVES.
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