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Comedy
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banana sketch bloody this ending is better!
By cforce
10 May 2007
SOMERSET-I’m not a resentful man, but the sooner we have this lunatic off the streets the

better.


POLICEMAN- Agreed, would someone please bring me the banana?


AN OFFICER PICKS UP THE BANANA, AND HANDS IT TO THE POLICEMAN


POLICEMAN- Thank you officer. Well Mr Somerset I think charging the banana with a

criminal offence would be a monumental waste of time for the judicial system and a huge waste of tax payers money.


SOMERSET-So what are you saying?


THE POLICEMAN PROCEEDS TO VIOLENTLY HURL THE BANANA INTO AN

AJACENT WALL. THE TASTY FRUIT COLLIDES WITH AN OBTUSE THUD.


POLICEMAN- Problem over.


SOMERSET- Look what you’ve done! You’ve killed him! You can’t do that, he deserved a fair trial.


POLICEMAN- But you said you wanted him kept off the streets.


SOMERSET- Yes, but not like that! Let me speak to whoever’s in charge here, this is

outrageous!


POLICEMAN- Ok, Chief Inspector Mancuso is over there at his desk.


THE POLICEMAN WAVES HIS HAND IN THE DIRECTION OF MANCUSO.WE

PAN ACROSS TO DISCOVER MANCUSO STATIONED ON THE DESK.MANCUSO

HOWEVER, IS AN APPLE.


SOMERSET- That’s just an apple! It can’t be chief inspector!


POLICEMAN- You’d think so wouldn’t you? Now you’ll have to excuse me Mr Somerset, I really need a coffee.

Reviews

Written by wltshr (314 comments posted) 10th May 2007
I hate to tell you this but, in my opinion, it's not better. But, nor is it worse. 
 
Bananas. Funny little buggers. Not great material for a finishing gag. 
 
1) We know their skins are slippery. Maybe this one is the "fall guy" for a gang of rogue fruit?  
2)We know that they may be hard initially (the way Phil likes 'em) but they go soft within a couple of days. Obviously Mr Somerset was attacked by a "hard" banana. 3) They're yellow. Do they have the courage to attack anyone?  
 
I also liked Phil's peelers gag.  
 
Come on Cforce. Anyone who can dream up such a ridiculous scenario can come up with a funnier ending than this. Don't bother reposting - just edit this one. 
 
Best 
 
Wltshr 

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 10th May 2007
I think it was Snod's Peelers gag - and his liking for hard bananas. 
 
Sorry cforce. Almost with wltshr on this. It is better, but only marginally. There has to be a strong climax to this somewhere. 
 
Phil.
Groan!...
Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 11th May 2007
Just arrived back from deepest Devon to this one. With everyone else on this one. The premise of a banana in a line up is zany enough, if you could only come up with a good punch line. Keep working on it, I`m sure there is one in there somewhere.. 
 
Policeman: I always knew that banana was bent! 
(Okay I`m just reaching for my coat) 

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 11th May 2007
I reckon you and woody ought to get together on this one. I think you're on the right track by going really surreal with the apple gag but it still needs some resolution to tie it together at the end. Maybe something like. "Even if we don't solve the case we got the makings of a decent fruit salad" or " It's a shame WPC Smith has lost her cherry we could have had a great fruit salad" 
Or instead you could end with something funny 
 
Getting closer 
cheers 
jane

Written by coosh (868 comments posted) 11th May 2007
When the banana got beaten up in 'custardy', had it already turned black?

Written by wltshr (314 comments posted) 13th May 2007
Strange for a banana to attack anyone on it's own. Normally they go round in a bunch. 
 
After the attack the banana, presumably, just ran away. Yes, the banana split. 
 
Sorry. 
 
I keep waking up with terribly corny banana jokes in my head. 
 
Wltshr 
 

Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 25th May 2007
I think your imagination is strong. This would fit well with the 'Monty Python', Spike Milligan & Kenny Everett type of sketches ... if it were funnier. If you are going to go with this type of 'surreal' humour you need to let loose as many puns, sight gags and banana jokes as you can fit into this type of humour and length of sketch. Go for it. I think the other writers who have posted comments have given plenty of insight into the puns etc. that would have worked with this script. Give free reign to that imagination of yours. I'll say it again ... Go for it! 
Best wishes 
 
Jim

Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 4th July 2007
For me the sketch should be a lot shorter and end when Somerset has identified the banana. The copper should pick up the banana saying, 'I'm sorry Sir, I can't imagine how the banana came to be here, it's for my lunch!' or something similar. He then peels and eats the banana.

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