"You move like an ox and you're a moron"

"You're also nocturnal" father went on.

He liked to use big words on me.

When I looked in the dictionary I saw he was right. Nocturnal meant that I was active at night. Better than him, who would fall asleep with a whisky in his hand, anytime, night or day,in any room he happened to be in at the time,  in our large and multi passaged country abode. 

But I knew the meaning of the word dead.

And so did he when I stoved his sleeping head in, with a lead pipe, in the ballroom.

Take that, dad, or should I call you by your military title, Colonel Mustard.