He's just an ugly little man
strutting along the pavement,
every morning, every evening,
down past the racecourse
preceded by the little round belly
that always beats him to the post.
The tubby dog tows him along
merry-eyed. Her grin is so broad
she can't copy his whistling.
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Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
| Capured a picture well. Few details, but evoc |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
| Capured a picture well. Few details, but evoc |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
| Capured a picture well. Few details, but evoc |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
| Capured a picture well. Few details, but evoc |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
How the hell did that happen?
As I was saying:
Capured a picture well. Few details, but evocative enough for the reader, or at least me, to build a specific image. Last couple of lines made me smile.
Phil.
|
Cor!
Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
I've seen a few doubles, and I've done triples, but a quadruple review must be a record.
Thank you Phil! |
Well done Phil !!
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 11th May 2007 |
and btw well done FP !
patterjack |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3446 comments posted) 12th May 2007 |
I take my life in my hands here as I know you are far more of a poet than me, but this felt as if it really wanted to be a descriptive story piece and you were determined to make it a poem. I took to the character [and the dog!] and I'm sure there is a story there with them and I felt we had just been introduced to them. Poems are usually complete in themselves.
I know I'm just showing my ignorance and will probably get drummed out of PW,now. There's far too much to poetry for comfort
cheers
Jane |
Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 12th May 2007 |
I think you might be right Jane - this is a scene I notice on the way to and from work. The first impression is of a boring little person - then you catch the whistling and the boring is instantly merry.
I often use poems to note an impression that I want to work up later into a story or longer poem. |
Very nice
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 12th May 2007 |
I like it a lot. Well done.
BW |
Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 13th May 2007 |
| thank you BW. And thanks to Jane, the little man is developing nicely; he has grown a name (James Ronald Atkinson) and the dog is Maisie ... formerly Zilla the Killer ... I am going to have some gentle fun with this one. It may even turn out to be too long for a short story but we'll see. |
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