An Expert in His Field Examines an Antique Machine

 

What is it?
 
it has straight sides
and a glass bottom
the various coloured wires describe a sort of crown
or cage
the handle is made to fit the hand of a small child
or a trained monkey
the lubricating fluids
which one applies here here and here
can act as a mild irritant and should on no account
be imbibed or applied to the eyes
this broken spring is of the wrong type
the machine appears to function adequately
and as you can see this sudden forward motion
causes these dials to become excited
the raised discs
whose secondary purpose is to keep out the rain
or sunlight
would normally rotate at incredible speeds
and emit noises resembling those
of a rabid dog
or dramatic soprano
 
What is it?
 
these sharp angles are very interesting
and owe their existence to aesthetic rather than practical considerations
if you look closely through this tiny aperture
you can see part of the nerve centre
so to speak
of the machine
this black lever or arm operates
the front or back of the machine
quite independently of the functions of the plastic domes
 
What is it?
 
it's a counting machine propelled by steam and semen which informs its owner of prayer-times and social appointments facilitated by an ingenious system of pulleys and microprocessors whose magnetic properties enable the raised sections to dispense soft drinks and eliminate political enemies though of course not only politicians would own such machines whose overall momentum is strictly monitored and controlled by listening devices which owing to their cylindrical shapes and capacity for metamorphosis at high temperatures double up as miniature printing presses or alternatively as sterilisation units