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DAD- Hello? Anyone home? Oh! That's great that is! The great hunter gatherer returns from yet another day of hunting and gathering and where is his loving family? Who should at this moment be rushing to greet him with hugs and a gin and tonic and.......

Dad enters. Mum standing at sink. Young Jon sitting at kitchen table.

MUM- Shhhh! Jon's doing his homework. (Whispers) Hello darling, did you have a good day?

Dad nods, and mouths “Yes, thank you.”

Mum turns back to the sink (and spends the rest of the scene with her back to the audience and other characters.)

YOUNG JON- (with a sigh) Hi Dad.

DAD- Hello son. Why the long face?

YOUNG JON- Oh Dad. I'm so stuck. Mrs. Darrowby's English homework. I just can't get it right.

DAD-Don't get upset about it. It's English. We're english. How tough can it be?

MUM- You know you're not supposed to do his homework for him.

DAD- I'm not going to do it. We're just going to talk it through, aren't we Jon? So, what's the homework?

YOUNG JON- It's so difficult, Dad. Mrs. Darrowby gave us all a pair of words to write about. Different words that seem to say the same thing and we're supposed to come up with examples to show how they mean different things.

DAD- What? That shouldn't be too tricky. Do you mean like dirty and filthy? Or clean and spotless?

YOUNG JON- I wish

DAD- So what did you get?

YOUNG JON- Kinky and perverted.

DAD-What?

YOUNG JON- Kinky and perverted! I've looked them up. They're the same, Dad! How can I come up with any examples to show they're different when they aren't?

DAD-It's okay. We''ll sort it. You just go and wash your hands ready for dinner and give me a moment to have a bit of a think. Then we’ll polish this off in no time.

YJ gets up from table and exits.

DAD-Blimey! How tough is this?

MUM- I know. I couldn't come up with anything. And you know Jon, he just couldn't face his teacher if he hasn't done his homework.

DAD-It'll be OK. Just give me a minute.

Dad sits for a few seconds with a concentrated look on his face, then grins broadly.

Young John re-enters

YOUNG JON- You’ve got it, Dad. I knew you would. (He sits next to Dad at the table.)

DAD- Yes, son, I think I have. Kinky and perverted, right? (laughing) No, they're not the same. They're not the same at all.

Glances at Mum.

YOUNG JON- (conspiratorially) Well?

DAD – Well! Examples, right? I think this’ll do. Let’s just say that if I were to tickle your mother’s bottom with a feather. That would be kinky! Right?

Young John glances at Mum. She stops washing up and we see her shoulders tense.

YOUNG JON- (laughing) Right!!

DAD – But, if I were to use the whole chicken…

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 12th May 2007

Loved the ending.
Isn't it just the sort of thing that children would be asked to do?
Lizzy

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 12th May 2007

Yep, liked this. Kind of stylised and gentle. Does that make sense when you're defining kinky and perverted?

Phil.

Hi WD Super-Star.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 12th May 2007

A forlorn young boy sat in his drab room at the Council care Home.He thought,

"Why couldn't i have said that I had left my homework on the Bus? Instead of which I handed it in. As a consequence I was expelled and the Social workers have arrested my dad and put me in a a Care Home.

PS A good imaginative piece,

Brian.

Written by TomtomKent (33 comments posted) 13th May 2007

The punchline made the skit.

Joke
Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 13th May 2007

I agree with Tom this was a joke made into a sketch. The rest wasn't particularly funny.
I liked the joke though.

Written by wltshr (314 comments posted) 13th May 2007

Hi Guys.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Yes, it is just a sketch to present a single joke. I'm still trying to find what kind of comedy, for me, works best on paper. I just wanted to know whether a single joke at the end of a sketch would work without peppering the build up with mini gags.

Until joining GW I'd only ever written in one type of style before. I'm still experimenting, I'm afraid, and you lucky people are my lab rats.

Thanks again for not complaining too often

Best

Wltshr

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 13th May 2007

It was quite a well structured piece and, though I had heard the joke before it came off fine. It's OK to have a sketch which just builds up to one joke, providing it was worth the wait, and this one was. It was well set up and delivered. The only problem I see is:- We don't know it is a funny sketch until we get to the end and then it jumps out at us. I think you need, somehow ,to hint that we are in for a joke at the end so we are ready to laugh. Maybe that just me being to literal,though
cheers
Jane

Written by coosh (867 comments posted) 13th May 2007

Agree with the above - the ending was well delivered, when it finally arrived - but maybe parents explaining their their poultry fetishes would be better as the start of something, rather than the finish.

Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 14th May 2007

Good build-up, I could visualise the scene. Enjoyed the punchline.

Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 17th May 2007

I`m with Jane on this one. I think you need to signpost that it is going to finish like it does with maybe one or two subtle gags from father that go over the child`s head. That apart the dialogue was natural and unforced..and the ending put a nice smile on my face - which was lovely after having a motorcyclist demolish my rear bumper yesterday!

Woody

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 19th May 2007

Knew the joke and saw it coming as soon as the two words were made clear, but nevertheless it was well written and delivered.

My one concern with this is the child. If there's one thing more embarrassing than a kid whose parents are talking about sex, it's parents whose kids talks about sex. This can therefore make for fantastic laughs. For instance, when my son had sex education classes he came home full of questions. The first one started, 'When you and Dad used to have sex...'. However, talking to your son about perverted and kinky crosses the line for me, coupled with the unlikely scenario that this had been set as homework. It would have worked better for me if it was an older and a younger guy at the pub, or a native English speaker explaining to a foreign workmate.

Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 21st May 2007

Disagree with a lot of the above.
The 'comedy writers' are always going on about how surreal situations improve the comedy, and perhaps in real life kids wouldn't get homework like this, but in a world like Harry Enfield's 'Kevin and Perry' it would work extremely well.
With the right facial expressions, this sketch would go down a treat.

'Homework, it's so unfair'

Best wishes
Steve.

Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 25th May 2007

I hadn't heard this joke before but, since it's in the section titled 'Comedy Scripts', knew there was a punchline coming ... and it was worth the wait.
I would agree with Steve and Jane. That is, it would make a great sketch as is but perhaps with an indication that there was a punchline to come. Would a reader know that this was a comedy script before getting to the punchline? In a show full of comedy it could be nothing else but on the typed page ...?
Just my tuppence worth. I liked being a rat lab, though. It was great fun.
Thanks and best wishes

Jim

Written by cumbriamarra (2 comments posted) 8th December 2007

Im Not a writer but an avid listener of comedy,
this to me when i read it , brought into mind
,my mind that is ,sid james ,Bless this house
and would have fit perfectly, (not that im saying
its old fashioned ) , i mean it as a compliment.
I can hear the HaHaHa sid james laugh at the
punchline. and a bemused look on the son's face
( i know he's older but, ) No wait ! My family the dentists
comedy ,the young lad oh I could go on, Well done .
( i know my punktuation and spilling is incorrect
but HhhhhhheeeeEEEeeeyyyyyyYYYYYyyyyy.
you guys are the writers. Im just one of those
enjoying it.. Keep up the good work...

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