Chapter 2

"I've got to make sure I do it properly!"

"For God's sake, Jon!" said Mike, running his fingers through his hair in his frustration.  "how many bloody times are you going to say that - just ask her!"

"But, I don't know what to say!"

"That'd be a first!" said Mike, without a hint of a smile. "Just say what you feel, just - just follow your heart!"

"That's so profound!"

"Well, if you're going to take the piss, then don't ask for my advice!"

"I'm sorry, Mike" he said  "I'm not, honestly, it's just that I'm nervous of what she might say."

"What?  That she might turn you down.  Look on the bright side! Don't be such a pessimist!  Buy her some flowers, something special - then get down on one knee, and ask her!"

"Do I have to get down on one knee?  She might laugh"

"Why?"  Mike seemed surprised.  "I think she'd think it was lovely and romantic.  I think you underestimate her.  Anyway, put yourself out of your misery - make a date with her and ask her!"

As he walked up to the counter with a huge bouquet of flowers, the lady  recognised Jon, and immediately blushed scarlet.  Her hands were shaking as she wrapped the flowers in some gift wrap.  Finally, she regained her power of speech.

"Who's the lucky girl, then?" she said, handing them to him.

"I'm proposing to my girlfriend" he said  "I'm hoping she says yes.  I'm a bit nervous, actually"

"Why?  Of course she'll say yes.  I bet there's thousands of girls across the country who'd kill to be in her shoes!"

Now it was his turn to blush!  He did not answer her, but just gave her a smile that made her legs turn to jelly.  When he had gone, she rushed out to the back of the shop, yelling:

"You'll never guess who's just been in here....."

As they sat together in a quiet corner of the restaurant, Donna could not take any more, and eventually said:

"Jon, are you going to eat that food, or just make pretty patterns with it?"

"Sorry, Donna" he said  "I'm not very hungry, that's all"

"If you weren't hungry, then why did you ask me out for a meal?" she said.  "Come on, what's up?  I can tell something's bothering you"

"No, nothing - honestly.  Look, I'm going to eat it all up like a good boy - happy now?"

She laughed, her face radiant, her eyes sparkling.  He felt his heart ache for her - he thought of what he was going to ask her in just a little while - please, let her say yes. He was not going to ask her here - it was too public, he wanted it to be just the two of them, away from prying eyes.  This was too personal for the whole world to share, as far as he was concerned.

As they arrived back at the flat, he asked her inside, saying he had something to give her.  She sat there on the sofa, wondering what on earth it could be.  He came back into the living room with two glasses of wine, and handed her the flowers.

"Oh, they're beautiful!" she said, kissing him.  "What's the occasion?"

"Do I need a reason to give the woman I love some flowers?" he said.  "Anyway, I've got something else!"

He handed her a small box, giftwrapped with a red rosette on the top.  She opened it, and gasped.  It was a small gold chain, with a heart attached to it, there was a message on it, which read: ' I love you more today than yesterday, but less than I will tomorrow'.

"Here" he said  "let me fasten it for you."

"Oh, Jon!" she said, with tears in her eyes.  "It's beautiful - the words are so beautiful!"

She put her arms around his neck, and held him tight.  He kissed her neck, something that always sent her heavenward, and said:

"I mean every one of them.  I always have, and I always will.  I've loved you for so long, Donna.  I guess I've loved you ever since you decked that boy at school for picking on me - he shouldn't have picked a fight with someone with a black belt in tae kwon do!  I thought that after we lost touch when we left school, that maybe my feelings would change, but the minute I saw you again that day in the street, I realised that they hadn't.  What I'm trying to say is, Donna, I can't imagine my life without you in it - oh, hell, what I'm trying to ask you is - will you marry me?  Please?"

For a moment, she did not speak, then tears began to roll down her cheeks.  He wondered what he had said to upset her.

"I had a feeling you were going to ask me this" she said, looking down.  "I'm sorry, Jon, I can't marry you...."

He was stunned, he felt like she had slapped him.

"Why not?"  His voice was a whisper.  "I thought you loved me."

"I do" she said.  "That's why I can't marry you."

"I don't get it.  Maybe I'm a bit thick, but I don't understand - if you love me, what's the problem?"

"I'll try to explain" she said, close to tears.  "You've got the whole world at your feet, you've got a glittering career ahead of you, I'd only hold you back...."

He tried to protest, but she held up her hand, begging him to let her finish.

"There's a whole world out there" she said "and you never know, you may find someone out there who you want more than me, and I love you too much not to let you go.  I love you too much to stop you achieving what you want to achieve.  I mean, you'll never be at home, you'll always be on the move - and I don't begrudge you that for one second, I want you to share your wonderful gift with as many people as possible, but you won't have time for me.  I want someone who'll have time for me.  Go out there and fly - then when you've been away for a while, see if you still miss me - then maybe it'll be the right time."

"It's the right time now!" he said, feeling his throat tighten as he tried not to cry.  "I love you, Donna, you won't hold me back - and I'll never want anyone more than you, I swear - you're my whole world.  Don't tell me to go out there and fly - if I haven't got you, I won't be able to - you're my main reason for living, please, don't turn me down, please...."

"Don't look at me like that, Jon!" she pleaded, beginning to cry in earnest.  "I can't bear it when you do that!  I do love you so much, and I always will, but I think you need to do what you were born to do.  I think if you love someone enough, you should let them go...."

"Please, Donna, I don't want you to let me go!"

Then it happened - what she had been dreading, because she knew she would not be able to bear it.  He looked at her, his eyes brimming with tears, his lips trembling as he fought to keep his self control.  She cupped his face in her hands, wiping away tears with her thumbs.

"Jon, please!" she said, her voice almost a whisper.  "You know it tears me apart when you cry.  Please, don't!"

"I still don't understand!"  He was crying on her shoulder now, her soft words had just about finished him off.  "If you love me, why won't you marry me?"

"I explained it as best I could" she said, burying her face in his hair. "I don't know what else to say.  Maybe one day, when the time is right... I'll always love you, don't ever forget that - whatever happens.  And I didn't say I'd never marry you - I just don't feel the time is right - not yet."

She picked up her coat and her handbag, and ran out of the flat, before he could protest any further.  She began to think clearer as she walked along the moonlit streets.  She had made the right decision - hadn't she?  Of course she had, there was no other decision to make.

Back at the flat, Mike had just arrived home.  He took one look at Jon, and knew he did not need to ask what Donna's answer had been - he was incredulous, he could not believe it.  He did not know what to say, so he just gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, and left him alone. As he stood there later that night, outside Jon's bedroom door, listening to him cry himself to sleep, little did he know that Donna's mother was doing exactly the same with her.  Also, little did he know that they were both thinking the same thing - fate would step in to make her realise that she had to follow her heart - and they both knew where its final destination really was.