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Poetry
red
By no1butClo
15 May 2007
watching people at stations puts me in strange moods...

here's a byproduct

I think this colour fits you,
though you'd not be seen dead
in such a hue; it might bring
some life to those pock-mark,
washout cheeks. Crimson

like your voice, I hide
behind my hair and bind
my wrists with black lace;
all the better to sever
should I change my mind.

Your filtered beats escape
from under that dark curtain
and beneath the heels of boots
to end the world with. Timeless,

making you taller, the power
in that working jaw is un-
stoppable. With silenced
curses in your ears you

testify your difference, in-
difference to this tread-mill-train-track
lifestyle ['specially in those boots]

you're a vessel of harder rock
bigger holes,
painted nails

and the stubble that frames
the lips I'd kill to bite.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 15th May 2007
Stalking Clo? 
 
Quite a portrait. I liked this. I'm able to respond to poetry in a somewhat limited way as there are some aspects I don't understand. One of them is line breaks. Why, for example, have you separated 'you' and 'testify?' (Stanzas 4 and 5) Not a crit, a genuine question. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 18th May 2007
I like this Clo - especially that last line. It's pretty vivid. Those line breaks do need some attention though! I think it needs tightening and a bit and perhaps clarifying in places - but there's something good here. 
 
Elli

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 23rd May 2007
I really like this, there are so many great phrases here. And I like the way that it's open to interpretation. To me it's about a parent, here seen by their child, who spends too much time working and presenting themselves as indestructible. Well done.

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