He/she was the same person.
For these few hours he/she were one. In each other’s arms they could allow themselves to merge with one another and that made he/she happy.
He/she were two parts of the same person. He father and guardian. She mother and teacher.
He spoke, `soon.’
She hugged tighter and said, `no.’
He returned the embrace yet still said, `soon.’
She could not stop the tears and the pain of parting from showing. `I’m not as strong as you.’
He smiled, she felt his smile against her lips as he kissed her and then he spoke again, `I have no strength that does not come from you.’
She smiled back, though hers was sad. `Yet all mine comes from you.’
He looked into the eyes of She. `That is how life works.’
She turned away. `It is cruel.’
He smiled again, this time it was sad. `Yes, but we are one, forever.’
She looked back. `And never.’
He simply kissed She and answered, `that is the price we must pay. Me to you and you to me, us both to them.’
She returned the kiss. `We are slaves to our own people.’
He smiled. `It is what life demands. But we still have each other.’
She allowed herself a slight smile. `Always?’
He returned her smile. `And never.’
She pulled He into an embrace. They were one for a little longer, but they would be parted, and there was nothing He/She could do about it.
`
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Hello again, again.
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 16th May 2007 |
I like this quirky little story, and I'd like to find out more about he/she (Shehe - Heshe).
However, I did annoy me slightly that I had to read an action before every piece of dialogue, and personally I'd strip some of it away. You would end up with a much punchier piece (In my opinion)
Best wishes
Steve.
PS. Do you talk? |
Fascinating
Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 16th May 2007 |
A fascinating concept but one I have not quite grasped. Is He/She a hermaphrodite? A narcisist or two people very much in love?
I agree with Stevetroster that the style was strange and distracted from one's enjoyment of the piece.
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Written by AnnieSeed (128 comments posted) 17th May 2007 |
| It's good, but I also don't get it. I was expecting enlightenment at the end but didn't get it! |
Written by SeaneyBskiMeski (9 comments posted) 17th May 2007 |
Hi everyone. thanks for you're thoughts.
The reason I went for the action before the dialogue was to express emotion via a person's movement and actions, like any of us who have been in a realtionship a lot can be said without words. So not sure it worked but that was the thinking there.
Also to answer Asferthecat's question. They are two people very much in love, but forced apart for long periods by duty.
For Annieseed sorry that you didn't get the enlightenment at the end. But the whole point was that two people who were in love, but were also duty bound to there people could only spend small amounts of time together, hated the parting because when together they were one person. He/She.
And Steve yes I do talk. Just been busy as of late with football and work.
Thanks again for you're comments.
Sean. |
Hi Sean
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 18th May 2007 |
When I said do you talk, it was meant as: Do you perform an action before you talk, or do you just talk?
If you want to keep the actions, then just strip some of them away from the dialogue.
He smiled.
She felt his smile against her lips as he kissed her, and then He spoke again, `I have no strength that does not come from you.’
'Yet all of mine comes from you.'
She smiled a sad smile, and He looked deep into her eyes. `That is how life works.’
'It is cruel.' said She, and turned away.
'Yes it is, but we are one, forever.'
'And never.' replied She, turning back to face him once more. And now it was He who's smile was sad.
'Never,' he replied, 'that is the price we must pay. Me to you and you to me, us both to them.’
He kissed her once more, and She returned the kiss.
`We are slaves to our own people.’
Etc, but then it's just my opinion.
Best wishes.
Steve.
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Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 18th May 2007 |
| A bit unclear. I did get the idea of the situation, but not of what was happening. Why did they have to part? |
Written by SeaneyBskiMeski (9 comments posted) 19th May 2007 |
Hello.
Yes Steve get what you mean now. Yeah in my other stories i do mix it up like you suggest, this one might also be better for it.
Fledermaus thank you for you're comment. They had to part for he had to go to war and her to politics. It was meant at first for a 250 word story for my writing class, but then I thought it might be a good start for a longer piece.
Sean. |
Written by Anberlin (6 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
Intriguing, I took this as a conversation between two parting lovers, but at times it was a bit confusing to read, I had to read back a couple of sentences a few times to understand them, but overall I liked the idea of two people as one 
anberlin x |
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